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Relationships

do I expect too much?

17 replies

sodthis · 16/07/2012 20:48

It may be that I'm with the wrong guy, or it maybe I just expect too much, I know you guys will give me an honest reply so here goes.

My bf who I don't live with does have good points, most importantly he is very good with my 2 children, he loves them and they love him, he will do anything for them and for me too I know if we needed him he would be there like a shot for us. He's funny and good looking and well has me in stiches but..........
his idea of a perfect weekend would be to spend it all day in bed, followed by a takeaway and I don't mean any sex just watching crap tv. I feel if we do anything together its me initiating it and quite often feel I'm forcing him, he's just doing it to keep me happy. Its my 40th coming up and I wanted to do something special, but I just know if I left it to him nothing would happen, so I suggested a weekend mini city break somewhere like Barcelona or Rome etc, he suggested a caravan by the coast lol. He just doesn't want to do anything or go anywhere I think almost he would prefer to have seperate lives sometimes, which I don't want I want a companion or I'd rather be single really. I'd really like him to do something romantic but he is just not like that. I booked us a hotel once when things were a bit patchy between us, he thanked me etc but talked me out of it saying he'd rather be by the coast and we'll go to the coast in 2 weeks time. 2 weeks time came and he basically didn't want to go came up with an excuse, he would of been quite happy to stay at home but his friend persuaded him to come for a drink with us, he did and enjoyed it in the end, but still wanted to go home when things had just started to liven up, but I was happy to compromise. Another time I suggested we went out for a nice meal, said I would pay, I was thinking a nice sit down meal etc as we have never done this, he wanted to go to the local pub for a meal I was a bit disappointed but to compromise and just to be pleased to go out I agreed. He still seemed like he couldn't wait to go home though and seemed happy to go home, were as I would of been quite happy to stay out longer and have some fun, he just wanted to get home to his bed and tv. At the weekend the kids and I suggested we went somewhere and wanted him to come, 'do I have to?' was his response, I said no but that we'd like him to he only had to sit there and I would pay, so he came but made a few comments about me forcing him. This isn't really what I want, but I'm wondering if I'm just expecting too much. I have explained how I feel to him just that I'd like to go out sometimes, he says he will do anything as he loves us so much and he does suggest we do this that and the other but it just never happens as when the time comes he can't be bothered. Also I just feel I'm dragging him places, I want someone to take me somewhere is that too much to ask?

OP posts:
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MissFaversam · 16/07/2012 20:56

No OP you aren't expecting too much, he's suiting himself ALL the time. Get shot of him, he's a selfish twit really he is.

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HotDAMNlifeisgood · 16/07/2012 21:03

You are not asking too much. It's just that what you want is not compatible with who he is.

You are not wrong to want what you want. Nor is he, really. The two of you are just incompatible.

Set him free to stay in bed all day, where he wants to be, either by himself or with an equally boring other person who wants the same things in life. That person is not you, though. And that's perfectly OK to admit.

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sodthis · 16/07/2012 21:13

The thing is I have ended it because of this, but he then says, he does want to do things with me, and doesn't want to loose me/us and does make an effort but it feels false if I'm honest, its just going to be difficult to end, we also have a holiday booked in August a mate of his has a villa and he's taking us there....

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MissFaversam · 16/07/2012 21:23

Oh OP, this bloody holiday thing. I can totally understand. I'm going away with my soon to be ex partner, when we get back due to not wanting to upset all the kids.

Depends doesn't it, whether you can "weather" it or not?

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MissFaversam · 16/07/2012 21:24

Oh and wanting a bloody week in the sun due to the shit Ive put up with of course Grin

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izzyizin · 16/07/2012 21:24

There's a post on this board from an OP who's dp of 8 years duration has secured a 2-year teaching job on a remote but tropical island.

He's always wanted to work overseas and she's not up for joining him because she can't bear the thought of not seeing her adult dc/dgc every single day.

Shame you can't do a swop. Your bf sound just the type of premature pipe & slippers man who'd suit her down to the ground and you're the adventurous type who'd enjoy experiencing life outside of the UK.

And your bf is funny and good looking? What a waste.

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Hassled · 16/07/2012 21:26

You sound like you're interested in living life and doing things and having adventures. He sounds like the complete opposite. He may well be a nice bloke but if you stay with him your life will be one long series of giant compromises. Is he worth that?

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izzyizin · 16/07/2012 21:29

O fgs, Miss F. WTF is wrong with you? You're still with the twat? Unbelieveable!

As this rate you'll be drawing your pension before he becomes your 'ex' and by my calculations he's due a medal for one of the longest-serving stbxs on this board.

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MissFaversam · 16/07/2012 21:33

Now now Izzy, pack that up. One more damn week Grin

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sodthis · 16/07/2012 21:38

But aren't relationships about compromise, will I ever get the perfect match???

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Hassled · 16/07/2012 21:56

Yes, they're about compromises but it has to work both ways. And they have to be the sort of compromises you're not going to end up bitter and resentful about in 5 or 10 years' time.

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MissFaversam · 16/07/2012 22:03

OP he is not one that compromise comes close to honey.

He sort of knows that to make things hunky dory he is nice to your kids so you automatically think that you need to get over his vices.

Ummm no.

Its a pre-requisite for a man to be good to your kids if he even dares to step over your threshold. To then want to stay in bed etc. when kids are up and about and not do what he should is a deal breaker.

I really don't want to have a conversation with you where you "compromise" your kids and you life with them.

He's a twunt honey and get shot of him.

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sodthis · 17/07/2012 09:37

Hmmm feel down now, but maybe I need to face up to it. I hate it when you fall in love with them and then realise perhaps they're not the one after all :-( !!!!!

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izzyizin · 17/07/2012 10:43

Do it the other way round next time... don't fall in love with anyone you're not absolutely certain is 'the one' Grin

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hairytale · 17/07/2012 10:49

You dont sound like you are compatible as a couple.

Don't get trapped in this relationship, or in the cycle of "it's over" "I'll change" - short term change, reverts to type "it's over". I got trapped in that for 15 years .

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hairytale · 17/07/2012 10:50

Oh and there is no such thing as "the one". It's a trap designed to fool women. Just so you know.

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izzyizin · 17/07/2012 11:24

"don't fall in love with anyone you're not absolutely certain is 'the one' of many possible/probable Mr Rights who'll serve their purpose until they fail to enhance your life".

Is that better, hairy? Smile

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