Hope it's OK for a man to post!! If not apologise.
Could do with advice. Wife and i have been married for 12 years and have two children 8 and 6.
As a family unit we get on fine and the kids are happy. have a good circle of friends, no money issues, nice home. No arguments in 6 months. Neither of is violent, gets drunk. However the intimacy in marriage has not been there for some years. I had a long conversation a couple of weeks ago where i said i did not want to stay in loveless marriage for sake of children as i could then just see us getting divorced when kids left home (and the temptation to have a one night stand or affair to be OK) - note nether of us (certainly not me wants one night stand / affair)
My wife said the spark had gone (ie not as career focussed, does not fancy me)
We agreed to have a trial separation (i rent somewhere, joint custody of children) for a period of 6 months to try and work things round
Whilst looking for somewhere to rent i have started running 5km a day (already lost half a stone, just another 3/4 stone to go before beer belly gone), eating healthier
However in the last three weeks when confiding in friends about our amicable separation we have discovered one friend has being having an affair for 3 months and has now left husband for good, another friend has had troubles in marriage for 2 years and last week kicked husband out.
I will be honest and say that i will do anything do save our marriage and get things back to how they were, I am concerened that maybe we to hasty in agreeing separation to save marriage. ie ie will be living in a rented house (which will not be a home) and therefore i am sure that will get me down. The agreed contact to try and reignite the flame is once a fortnight after first month apart for a date night. We will see each other on family afternoons with children but will not discuss issues in front of kids. I am struggling how i can attempt to reignite spark when that fortnightly contact is the time we are also discussing our issues. ie not the most romantic thing on a date to bring up anecdotes of how we have upset each other over the years
When wife was out last weekend she came back and mentioned that amongst our friends we seem to be "not too bad"
I was upset when my wife said she did not fancy me anymore but after doing a lot of readings om forums believe this is not uncommon. We make time as a family but not necessarily for each other.
So the question i need advice on at what stage is it best trying to work things out whilst still in family home and at what stage would a separation (trial) be best?
ie. if i can stay in home we can continue to decorate son's bedroom together, plan new kitchen.
By moving out i feel that it jsut makes it easier for separation to become permananent.
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Relationships
Trial Separation or Fight to save marriage
stumpy1969 · 16/07/2012 13:49
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