How do you love someone again?

[creativepebble]

I've been married for a few years and we have 2 very young dc. It's not been an easy ride. We've had 2 rounds of marriage guidance and still come back to the same communication issues.
Basically, I've fallen out of love with dh. Obviously not out of choice and there is no-one else. He knows this and still loves me but it's difficult. He's not an easy person to love. I feel lonely and sad and a bit sorry for dh if the truth be told, but I'm living in hope.
Has anyone else been here and it's been fine?
I'm very traditional and my marriage vows still stand - through thick and thin etc So how long do you keep on going in the hope that things will get better?
I just feel indifferent and tired of it all, and therefore, guilty. I want this to work, but I'm not sure how any more, and I'm not sure I'm even trying hard enough as my priorities are the dc. I can't remember why or what made me first love him. I know it's a journey and it can't always be rosy in the garden, but this is a long and tough phase.
So sad.

[solidgoldbrass]

WHen you say he is 'not easy to love' what do you mean? Is he basically an arsehole? Violent? Selfish? Addicted to drink or drugs?

Do bear in mind that it's perfectly reasonable not to love someone who is not very nice to you, or not a very nice person. And it really is OK to leave someone that you don't want to be with.

[creativepebble]

He's selfish and can be an unkind person, yes, but no-one's perfect. At the moment I feel I can only see his bad points and the things that really irritate me.
He often plays the 'victim' card - but he doesn't know what I mean by this.
At the end of the day, I don't want to leave him, I want it to work and was wondering if anyone else stuck it out during a time like I've described and how they got out of it, together.
I do appreciate your last two lines though solid, thanks.

[Claire2009]

Can you get some time out from the dc's and go for a meal/to the cinema/pub etc? Like start from the beginning dating wise. You need to learn to enjoy his company again and who he is, why you fell in love with him etc.

[creativepebble]

I hope to Claire, yes. Thing is, mustering up the energy is tough, plus we'll have to pay a sitter, then of course the meal/film/drinks etc and our youngest is under 6 months and I'm still feeding. I'm making excuses aren't I?

[poppedoutforapintofmilk]

I totally agree that you need to do all you can to try make it work. But would also caution against sticking it out indefinitely. You won't get any awards for staying in a bad relationship and if things really don't change and you genuinely feel as if the love has gone, then there's no disgrace in calling it quits.

My bf can be selfish and annoying at times but we can talk about anything, he understands me and vice versa and we make each other laugh. My ex husband on the other hand was someone I just couldn't get close to, didn't 'get' and who didn't 'get' me. No one is perfect as you say, but when you really love someone and you have a connection, you somehow can get past that. D]

[creativepebble]

Thank you popped