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I want to have an affair

(114 Posts)
Affairsoftheheart Fri 13-Jul-12 21:35:08

[Message from MNHQ: Please note this is a zombie thread - it was started in 2014]

Okay long story short....
Been with OH for 8 years. We have 2 DCs - 5 and 2. We got together in a time in our lives when we were both vulnerable. We might not have got together. Since we had first DC, our relationship became quite bad (I think my hormones were crazy), and we were meant to sort out counselling. It never happened.

I also lost any interest in OH sexually, I just don't feel attracted to him. Though we did have another DC, which we both wanted. We sleep in seperate bedrooms, and have had sex about twice in 3 years.

Crazily enough we got married last year, and I really did want it to work out. I didn't really want to go through with it but OH insisted and it got to the point where I felt as if I couldn't cancel all the plans and tell everyone.
Anyway nothing had changed; sometimes we bicker, argue, get angry, at least once a month I want to leave. He is a good man, and I do love him, but I don't fancy him and I don't even want to try at the moment.

Anyway I have never even approached a man before BUT this builder came to look at a leak in our house and in a split instant I just was attracted to him. I kept phoning on the pretext of getting work done just to hear his voice. For the first time in years I felt so girlish, and silly, I fancied someone. I can't bear the thought that I will carry on in my life not having sex ever again!!!! I feel like I want to have a last fling, to be desired and attractive again.

So to cut a long story short; builder and I have been exchanging texts and mean to meet up, though I don't know if I actually will. He is young and very fit, and wants to please me.
I wouldn't leave OH as we are life partners, I have even said to him that I wanted to meet other men...

I am aware that this sounds like ones of reader stories in The Sun or something....

Am totally knocked sideways by my attraction to the builder....

nizlopi Fri 13-Jul-12 21:38:02

Don't do it. Just think about what a shitty thing it is you're doing. You should be honest with your husband, then he has the choice of staying with you whilst you fuck builders, or leaving with his dignity intact.

Lucyellensmum99 Fri 13-Jul-12 21:39:57

biscuit My DP is a builder, there is a word he uses for people like you

PissyDust Fri 13-Jul-12 21:40:03

I think my DH may be having an affair, it is literally eating me from the heart outwards.

Someone on here recommend I take a look at

I'm recommending the same to you, I'm reading not just friends and it should be my DH reading it not me sad

A builders fuck buddy? Do you really want to fill that stereotype?

kinkyfuckery Fri 13-Jul-12 21:40:47

It's disgusting.

If you want to leave your husband, leave him. Don't use him as an excuse to have an affair.

HumphreyCushion Fri 13-Jul-12 21:41:30

I don't understand why people don't have enough respect for their spouses to either be faithful to them, or end their rmarriage before embarking on another relationship.

Affairsoftheheart Fri 13-Jul-12 21:42:05

lucyellensmum99 what's that word then?

CotesduRhone Fri 13-Jul-12 21:43:48

You should NC to Affairsofthefanjo, because that's what's going on here.

Clearly what you should do is negotiate an open marriage with your DH. Otherwise you're behaving incredibly shabbily and taking away, without his knowledge, your DH's ability to be fully clear on/choose how his life works.

Have some bloody dignity, and take stock of your life. And/or tell him you can't live like this. You shouldn't have to. You have sexual needs, you're not just somebody's mummy.

kilmuir Fri 13-Jul-12 21:43:48

How cruel. I have been cheated on , its beyond horrible.
Do the right thing and talk to your husband

OneLieIn Fri 13-Jul-12 21:45:01

There will be a lot of shooting you down here.

All I would say is consider the consequences of this. What will it lead to?

There are consequences you want and consequences you won't intend. All will happen.

Secret7 Fri 13-Jul-12 21:48:25

This will not end well.

Don't get carried away just because someone is paying you attention.

Have some respect for your DH and either sort out your problems or split up. You can't have everything.

How many other customers is your building servicing?

lauratheexplorer Fri 13-Jul-12 21:49:08

Don't do it. You're life partners and yet you want to screw your DH's trust in you because you want to shag a young builder? Either agree an open relationship with your H or leave him as you don't sound like great life partners without honesty or trust.

AnyFucker Fri 13-Jul-12 21:53:07

where to start ?

< gives up and necks the wine >

Lizzabadger Fri 13-Jul-12 21:53:59

I don't know why you would marry and have a child with someone you're not into but anyhow...

Can you talk to your H about it? Maybe he'd be happy for you both to have sex with other people.

I wouldn't go behind his back, though. It's a horrible thing to do to someone.

Sidge Fri 13-Jul-12 21:54:09

Please don't do it.

The pain of betrayal by your spouse is like no other.

Have the bottle to end your marriage before you start having 'fun' with other men because there's nothing funny about being cheated on by someone who committed their life to you only to change their mind when something better came along.

maleview70 Fri 13-Jul-12 21:54:11

You and your husband are not life partners. You are people who live in the same house and have 2 kids together. You are
Almost lodgers. I can see why you want to shag someone else because If I was living with you, like you are with your husband then I would want to shag someone else. Your husband may be for all you know.

If you want to do it just end your "sham" of a marriage first

Lovemy3kids Fri 13-Jul-12 21:57:42

Don't do it....I've been on the receiving end of an unfaithful partner. Yes, someone's paying you attention and you are flattered, I totally understand that, but take a step back and look at your kids and what you'd do to them when It all comes out....which it will. If you don't want to be with your the decent thing, tell him and leave xx

Affairsoftheheart Fri 13-Jul-12 21:58:18

I think I would like to have an open relationship and I don't think there is anything wrong with that

toomanyeasterbunnies Fri 13-Jul-12 21:58:31

Why did you marry him - you complete coward. Just leave him and let him and you get on with your lives. If you have an affair you will wreck the lives or more people than you think. Stop being so selfish and start thinking about what you are doing.

AnyFucker Fri 13-Jul-12 21:59:32

it's only an open relationship if your partner is aware of it

Affairsoftheheart Fri 13-Jul-12 22:00:12

AnyFucker - yes of course

Affairsoftheheart Fri 13-Jul-12 22:00:55

toomanyeasterbunnies - Yes I was a coward to have married him. I maybe should've ended things a few years ago

Lucyellensmum99 Fri 13-Jul-12 22:02:24


iloveberries Fri 13-Jul-12 22:02:46

You've shagged your partner twice in three years and you have a 2 yr old?

Use a condom if you shag the builder.

(your poor DH and DCs)

Affairsoftheheart Fri 13-Jul-12 22:03:26

Lucyellensmum99 - maybe I am desperate

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