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I think my husband hates me

(90 Posts)
NaturalOptimist Mon 25-Jun-12 21:46:34

Sorry, not really posted before and don't know where to start. My husband is so horrible to me, I feel like I cry every day. He just came home from work and said he was going to put the rubbish out. I asked him (nicely!) to add a piece of cardboard that was in the garden to it and he got so angry with me. Said I should pull my thumb out and do it myself, that I'm selfish, always making demands on him. I work full time and do 90% of the housework, rush home from work to look after our DD (18 months) so he can go to work part-time. I feel so isolated, no family in the UK, never go out and have any fun. He says it's because I'm so selfish that I don't have many friends, but I don't think I am. I try to be kind and treat other people with respect.

Crying so much, I can't see to type.

OneLieIn Mon 25-Jun-12 21:49:27

Oh dear, sorry to hear that.

Firstly, don't cry over cardboard, it is really not worth it smile

Can you sit down and talk about it to someone?

Herrena Mon 25-Jun-12 21:51:59

He sounds like a proper arse and a bully. How long have you been married? Has he always been like this?

EclecticShock Mon 25-Jun-12 21:52:41

He's awful to you. He shouldn't speak to you like that. Are you happy with him generally?

NaturalOptimist Mon 25-Jun-12 21:58:23

We've been married 2.5 years and he has been like this since our DD was born. We are happy sometimes but hardly spend any time together as he works Mon-Thu evenings and then goes out Friday and Saturday nights with his friends and sleeps all day on the weekend, so I am often very lonely

AnyFucker Mon 25-Jun-12 21:59:00

Your husband is an abusive bully

I don't know whether he hates only you, or hates all women

But I certainly hate him and you would do well to find a way to leave him

bushymcbush Mon 25-Jun-12 21:59:08

Why are you doing 90% of the housework if you work more hours than him? Shouldn't it be 50/50 at the very least?

NaturalOptimist Mon 25-Jun-12 21:59:49

It's not the cardboard smile It's his tone. He speaks to me like I'm a piece of dirt on his shoe. Yet I own the house, earn the money and pay all the bills

EclecticShock Mon 25-Jun-12 22:00:23

Do you want to leave him?

NaturalOptimist Mon 25-Jun-12 22:01:58

I think he's a bully too.

There is no way he would do 50% of the housework. He would rather go hungry than cook a meal for himself when I am in the house.

Thank you all for your comments. It's so nice to have someone to talk to.

EclecticShock Mon 25-Jun-12 22:02:00

You own the house, earn the money and pay the bills and HE tells you to pull your finger out? You can do much better, please consider leaving him.

AnyFucker Mon 25-Jun-12 22:02:18

Just tell him to leave.

He is a cocklodging abuser with no respect for women. That is a terrible example to set to your daughter. Get fucking rid of him before he teaches her this is all she can expect from a relationship.

EclecticShock Mon 25-Jun-12 22:02:56

Why do you out up with this... You really don't have to.

EclecticShock Mon 25-Jun-12 22:03:34

Do you have family that can help you when you leave him?

EclecticShock Mon 25-Jun-12 22:04:20

It certainly doesn't sound like he likes you or loves you. I'm sorry.

NaturalOptimist Mon 25-Jun-12 22:05:07

I don't know if I want to leave him. This is my second marriage and I really wanted it to work this time. I did love him very much at one point but he has really worn me down and I can't imagine being like this for the next 20-30 years. However I have my DD to think of and I have absolutely no support in the UK so feel like I have to put up with it for at least a few more years until my DD is school age.

carlywurly Mon 25-Jun-12 22:05:28

He sounds like an utter waste of space. I'm so sorry for you, you sound lovely and so sad.
He's contributing nothing, not making you happy, being rude and neglectful and I seriously would get rid.

Meanwhile, join some clubs or activities and meet some people. It sounds like you need a good support network and I bet you'd make friends easily. smile

EclecticShock Mon 25-Jun-12 22:05:56

You dont need him, he's causing problems and not supporting you in any way.

AnyFucker Mon 25-Jun-12 22:06:04

Why Just why

This is about the third thread in quick succession I have read where women are accepting abuse from men. What went wrong ? Why do women still question themselves about this shit in 2012 ?

How many more decades have to go by before they stop doing that ? How many more generations ?

< throws self on floor >

EclecticShock Mon 25-Jun-12 22:07:04

Can you take your dd to where you have support?

crazyhead Mon 25-Jun-12 22:07:37

He does sound awful and you sound too good for this situation.

Since you're earning the money and doing the housework and childcare, it sounds like the main thing you'll lose by getting rid of him is the abuse.

EclecticShock Mon 25-Jun-12 22:08:20

AF, everyone's situation is different and it's not as straightforward when you're in it, although I agree with your point.

NaturalOptimist Mon 25-Jun-12 22:08:21

AnyFucker - I have thought about this, I really don't want my daughter to think that my marriage is a blueprint for her to aim for.

Apparently last weekend, I was a 'selfish cunt' for wanting to leave my DD with him while I got my haircut as he had been planning a siesta.

EclecticShock Mon 25-Jun-12 22:09:48

It's not your fault that it hadn't worked. He's a bully, cut your losses and leave.

EclecticShock Mon 25-Jun-12 22:11:15

I don't see anything worth staying for, do you ?

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