We've been separated 15 months after he had an affair and left me. The 16 years we were together involved emotional and mental abuse, belittling me, calling me names,ignoring me and not supporting me when I needed him after the birth of my youngest and PND. He's a loving dad but wasn't a loving husband, he used to touch me while I was asleep or try to have sex with me and say "I thought you would like it". I was admitted to a psychiatric unit because this relationship fucked me up good and proper and I wanted to kill myself and I've been on meds since. Last week I had a hysterectomy and I keep having dreams of us getting back together and then waking in the morning realising it was a dream and crying. He's been quite helpful offering to get food etc and having our daughters while I was in hospital, but I feel so sad and alone and jealous that he has his new happy life and yet 15 months on I'm still depressed. Why do I want him when he is no good for me? I have terrible feelings of rejection and abandonment and just don't know how to move on from this, surely 15 months of pining for a bastard is not normal?
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If you aren't already, get some counselling.
I think it sounds as though you're grieving for the relationship you wanted and not the one you actually had.
You'll be ok but I think this is very normal. It happens to me now and again but counselling was great for helping break the destructive thought patterns.
I wish you well 
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