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Saw an old flame last night and need to get some stuff out (long)

(11 Posts)
SilveryMoon Sun 10-Jun-12 19:08:50

I do know I deserve a flaming for having a relationship (of sorts) with a man who was in a relationship and had children etc. I really do, but I need to get some stuff off my chest as saw an old flame yesterday.

So, about 8 years ago, I met a guy i got on really well with. He was funny, made me laugh effortlessly. There was a mutural attraction there and lots of chemistry. I used to flirt with him all the time until I found out he was in a long-term relationship and had children.
I then distanced myself and he obviously noticed. One night, I was out having a few rinks with some people, he was there and it ended up that everyone left and we were alone. He asked me why i'd changed around him, and because I'd had a few drinks, I felt confident enough to tell him that when I first met him, I flirted because I was attracted to him but that it wasn't ok for that to continue since I found out about his relationship.
He told me that he really like me too and gave the whole crap about how shit his relationship was and how unhappy he was etc etc etc.
I was single, in a bad place self-esteem wise (no excuse I know), so when he said that he'd really like it if we could be friends, I agreed and that night we went to his dad's house together and ended up having sex.
The following day, I felt better that I'd done that as felt that it was out of my system. I went home not expecting to hear from him again, which was fine.
2 weeks later, he called me and asked me to join him and his dad for a drink. I went along and he said he couldn't stop thinking about me.
Our relationship started then, we spent at least 3 nights a week together, staying at either my mum's house or his dad's (they obviously both knew). We'd go out for drinks, either on our own or with a group of people (who also all knew) and this went on for about 2 years.
During this time we had lots of chats about the situation and for a long time I didn't want anything other than a sexual relationship, and it suited him fine too.
Inevitably, I fell for him.
One night I decided to tell him. Told him that if he was so unhappy, why didn't he leave his wife and be with me (idiot).
He said he loved me and that I was and always will be very special to him but that our relationship could never be more than what it was.
I told him in that case, I couldn't continue because it hurt too much. He sai he understood and that he had also been thinking of how best to end it because his partner was pregnant again.
After that, I saw and spoke to him on the phone every now andd then, but we had a huge row, and I haven't spoken to him for years.
Since then I found my dp, had children myself and moved on.

I saw him at a mutural friend's party yesterday.
None of the old feelings came back, but it was very strange to see him and talk to him after all this time.
He told me he loved me, that I am very special to him and he has some good memories of us.
I don't really know how I feel about it, but am pleased I saw him and that we spoke. I was unsure as to whether we'd say hello or not.
Anyway, I just wanted to get all that out.

jjlovestoshop Sun 10-Jun-12 19:13:10

Sounds like he's chancing his luck to see if he can have a bit of the same last time round. Be flattered that he is still attracted to you and leave at that. You are in a relationship now and this man cares nothing about his own needs. Don't let him mess up what you have now

AThingInYourLife Sun 10-Jun-12 19:13:46

"He sai he understood and that he had also been thinking of how best to end it because his partner was pregnant again."

Ugh, what an utter scumbag.

jjlovestoshop Sun 10-Jun-12 19:14:57

sorry that should read 'nothing BUT his own needs'

agree with last poster - scumbag

SilveryMoon Sun 10-Jun-12 19:20:56

No, I have no intention of allowing anything to happen, I probably won't even see him again as we both moved away from the area and only crossed paths again because of a special occasion.
I just needed to talk about it.

dondon33 Sun 10-Jun-12 20:27:32

Stay away from him, don't even be tempted to go back there, no matter how much utter drivel he spouts about his memories and how special you were to him. Lets be honest here, at that time he was having his cake and eating it, nothing more. Sounds like he wants another chance at it too. --Arsehole-
There's nothing wrong with you feeling strange when you seen him, I do when I run into some exes, nothing like attraction but just because its kind of uncomfortable.
See it for what it is and he is to you now....NOTHING.
We live and learn OP xx

BetterOnACamel Sun 10-Jun-12 20:36:16

I think it's interesting when you have an encounter like this just so you can look back on who you were and how far you've come.

SilveryMoon Sun 10-Jun-12 21:02:18

Yes. Thank you.
He is an arsehole. I wasn't the first fling and I wasn't the last either.
Infact, the woman he has been with for maybe 15 years, he started seeing whilst he was in a relationship with someone else.

Like I said, I probably won't see him again, not for a long time anyway, but part of me is glad I saw him and got to chat with him.
But yes, is good to know that i don't feel the same about him now. I always thought I still loved him, you know? It's always been in the back of my mind that there is a man out there that I'm still in love with, but I'm not. There was nothing there.

SilveryMoon Sun 10-Jun-12 21:55:32

Why can't I stop thinking about him?
I feel a bit sad.

dondon33 Mon 11-Jun-12 21:52:45

That meeting brought back feelings that's why. But it doesn't mean you should act upon them. Just see him for what he is, you know exactly what that is.
Put the memories far away from the front of your thoughts, he had his chance with you.
Your not an idiot, big hugs xx

SilveryMoon Tue 12-Jun-12 13:11:01

Thanks dondon.
I don't have feelings for him like I used to.
If anything, it's made me realise just how much I love dp (as have questioned it in past) but am sad that I don't have this guy in my life just as a friend anymore

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