I don't want it to be over, but there's just no future [sad]

[DefiniteMaybe]

I've been with dp now for almost 7 years. We have 2 dc aged 3 and 9mo. We've overcome lots together and are getting along nicely at the moment even though after splitting up for a short while when ds was a baby we still don't live together.
I won't let him move in with us until he gets a job. I don't want to spend my life supporting him not working. Apparently, he's been looking but there's nothing about. I had a quick look today. Found lots of jobs including one within 0.1 miles on okish money with decent hours. Totally disinterested.
I feel gutted. I thought we were working towards having both of us working, living together, getting married. Its just never going to happen. He's never going to change.

[allaboutthename]

How old are you both? Where does he live? Has he ever had a job? I think you are right however - you can't motivate someone else, it have to come from within. If having 2 children doesn't motivate him to get a job then it's unlikely he will ever change.

I'm sorry you are in this situation - I think it's regrettably that you have dc's with him but YOU can change your life and bring up you children with you as a good role model.

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

Why does anyone embark on a relationship with someone thinking 'they'd be OK if they were different?' IME people are what they say on the tin and, whilst they might mature a little over time, hoping they're going to change is a hiding to nothing. A lazy man isn't going to become industrious and a liar isn't going to start telling the truth. I'm sorry you've got a lazy liar on your hands but he'll be the same way his whole life. Next person you hook up with, take them on face value.

[Abitwobblynow]

Well said, Cog (looking in mirror, here. I was convinced I could change him with my understanding and luuuuuuuuurve - where is the idiot stamp for forehead?).

Beautifully put. As Maya Angelou says: when someone tells you who they are, believe them.