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How can I support my DN?

7 replies

JaneFonda · 30/05/2012 18:41

My DNiece is 18. Her mum (my DSis) has a lot of personal issues, so for the last few years I've been her second mum, IYSWIM.

Her and her boyfriend recently broke up - they were together for two and a half years, and she is understandably distraught.

How can I help her? I don't want to treat this as just a 'teenage heartbreak' because they were together for quite a while and it was quite serious.

I haven't got any experience of this (my oldest DC is 8) so I'd really appreciate any help anyone can offer, thank you. :)

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yellowraincoat · 30/05/2012 18:43

Oh, bless you, you are kind.

Think the main thing is just to be there, listening to her, whenever she needs it. Not badmouthing her ex or even offering advice. Just letting her talk.

Take her out to nice places, let her know she is loved.

Maybe slip her a tenner so she can go with friends to the cinema or whatever. Or go the two of you.

And let her know that if she's still hurting in 6 or 7 or 20 or 100 months time, you'll still be there.

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JaneFonda · 30/05/2012 19:11

Oh thank you for your lovely response!

I think it's just tough because they ended it on a 'staying friends' basis because they're both moving away for uni.

He is a lovely boy, he supported DN so much during some of the hardest points with her mum, but I want to see her be happy.

I'm wary about giving unwanted advice, so I will definitely stick with your thought of just letting her speak.

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CailinDana · 30/05/2012 19:30

Exactly what yellowraincoat said :)

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EclecticShock · 30/05/2012 19:59

Listening to her and validating her feelings will help her. She probably needs to rant right now but when the time is right you could gently guide her in the direction of moving on. Help keep her self esteem up as break ups and unsuccessful relationhips can really affect it. When your young there is a tendency to blame yourself, she needs to think it through and see both sides contributed.

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EclecticShock · 30/05/2012 20:00

You do sound lovely :)

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PooPooInMyToes · 30/05/2012 22:26

Ah poor girl!

I remember it hurting at that age just as much as when you're older.