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worried we are turning into one of "those" couples that rarely have sex?

(11 Posts)
oneofthosecouples Tue 22-May-12 09:05:45

have name changed. been with DH 4 1/2 years, have dc aged 3 and 6 (6 YO is from my prev marriage)

have always fancied the hell out of eachother and had great, frequent sex, despite the demands and pressures of having young DC. in past relationships (for both of us) the sex has dropped right off after the 6 month honeymoon period. but we always (smugly, and perhaps, naively) said to eachother we felt we were in a permanent honeymoon period and could never see us slowing down sex-wise.

but looks like we were wrong. as, in the last year or so it dropped to about once a week, but in the last few months its dropped even further to about twice a month sad

this is just not enough for me. its not enough for both of us, i know he misses it too. i absolutely love sex with dh, but at the moment we are both just constantly exhausted, we both work, although i only work part time, its quite a physically demanding job.

we still really fancy eachother, i look at him and find him so attractive its unbelievable. and he says the same about me. he is always checking me out, squeezing my bum, grabbing me for a kiss etc. and we have a really good relationship.

but surely if we really did fancy eachother as much as we think we do, we would still be wanting to have sex often no matter how tired we are? i mean, when we got together i had a 2 year old and was working too, so its not like we can blame having dc as that didn't stop us in the early days.

doormat Tue 22-May-12 09:12:30

one i think once we settle into our routines which are after all bloody physically demanding sex just takes a back seat...i used to ensure that dh and i had quality time at least once a the time he worked nights, i worked days..even if it was a cuddle on the couch....and take it from there...i used to set aside a night only to fecking find out i had just come on so was really disappointed grin....but as long as you both still fancy eachother it doesnt matter how many times a week you are having it...--from a wife who hasnt had it for about 5 months coz cba lol--

CogitoErgoSometimes Tue 22-May-12 09:31:24

I don't think you should worry too much. The time to worry is when you're not only not having sex but not being intimate either. The fact that you fancy each other, hold hands, cuddle etc., is really healthy and I'm sure, if you can find ways to reduce the exhaustion levels of your various jobs, the sex life would be right where you left it. It's just a case of prioritising.

oneofthosecouples Tue 22-May-12 18:51:52

why can't EVERYONE just stay in the shagging like bunnies stage for ever?

there would be so many less divorces, i am certain of it sad

i am worried its a slippery slope, ie less and less sex, leads to lack of closeness, which leads to resenting eachother, leading to wanting even less sex, leading to one or both frustrated yet no longer even wanting sex (with eachother anyway hmm ) then one / both of us falling out of love and looking elsewhere.....

and tonight, he has come in in a miserable mood and its making me annoyed with him so no chance of me wanting it tonight.

maleview70 Tue 22-May-12 20:27:05

I think you are right. Tiredness is just an excuse really. Tiredness doesnt stop us from going to work, taking the kids out, doing jobs around the house, shopping, gardening, pursuing interests etc...Yet it is the number one excuse for not having sex.

It is a danger sign to a degree although early stages for you.

You say you both fancy each other so I dont understand it to be honest.

oneofthosecouples Wed 23-May-12 09:02:31

I think you are right. Tiredness is just an excuse really. Tiredness doesnt stop us from going to work, taking the kids out, doing jobs around the house, shopping, gardening, pursuing interests etc...Yet it is the number one excuse for not having sex

exactly. and sex doesn't even have to be that strenuous (depending on how you do it lol) as you say, people still do everyday jobs etc when they are tired hmm

how depressing.

HeathRobinson Wed 23-May-12 09:10:11

If you're both truly exhausted, wouldn't more sleep, a little exercise and a good way of eating fix that? Perhaps a visit to the GP to rule out anaemia?

oneofthosecouples Wed 23-May-12 09:58:55

oh i do loads of exercise, i am a dance teacher. so i am pretty fit grin
and DH has a physical job also, and we both have a good diet.

i did have a blood test a few months ago and it came back normal, but maybe i should ask for another one.

Wmatilda Wed 22-Jun-16 20:51:05

Yep, if you got chased by a bear or won the lottery, you would be jumping for joy!

Just an excuse to not get involved.

DownstairsMixUp Wed 22-Jun-16 20:53:41

Why are you commenting on lots of zombie threads wmatilda? If you have an issue with your wife, start your own thread.

loveyoutothemoon Wed 22-Jun-16 21:16:27

I really don't see any problem here.

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