(Reposted from accidentally putting this in Chat after a night awake)
What are the big things that you would expect to know about your nearest and dearest? How would you actually feel intimate with someone?
Through numerous posts on here about unhappiness in my relationship, people have made the point that my criteria for the relationship being functional are shallow, and instead we should have shared love and shared outlook and taking care of each other through thick and thin kind of stuff.
My DP and I do not share any of the big stuff, we don't discuss anything about our lives other than day to day logistics. We don't discuss shared interests or non-shared interests. He hasn't answered when I've told him I love him, in some years. He refuses to discuss anything about children or marriage or what he wants out of life. We don't discuss sex because he doesn't want to talk about it, and won't listen to my "whining" (which are pleas to discuss it because it's so awful). For many years i have had opinions or daydreams about what I would like my wedding to be like, what my children would be called, what I would want to do with them to nurture them, what kinds of schools they might go to, where we might all live, etc. - I have never discussed any of this with him, because he won't talk about anything so confronting. No surprises that I'm not married and not planning to have children any more, and not planning to buy property with him.
However, he is friendly and loving on a day to day basis, and would probably be horrified if I said I was leaving because I am sick of living with a 12 year old flatmate who treats me like some kind of housekeeper/FWB figure with zero intimacy except in the form of hugs and terrible sex once every few weeks.
Before I go overseas next week I am going to try to say "this is not a real relationship, other people actually know what their partner thinks about the big things in life, other people's partners will discuss children and mortgages and sex and love and what they want out of life, not just say "well I'm happy, why do you drag everything down all the time?"".
What else would you be sharing with your partner? I don't even know where to start (my parents didn't have any normal sort of relationship. DP's do but he somehow remains oblivious to how it should work).
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Relationships
What are your hopes and fears? What is the deep stuff you share with your DP?
16 replies
Anna1976 · 11/05/2012 05:47
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