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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

What would you make of this?

21 replies

hubbabubbabubba · 09/05/2012 14:29

Started seeing a man about a month ago, seemed lovely, then he ended it after a couple of weeks saying he is messed up in the head and not ready for a relationship. I was gutted but knew i would get over it.
Since then he has been texting me several times a day, just pleasant comments and questions really, then i ended up sleeping with him on sunday. He maintains that he doesnt want a relationship, and didnt even seem that keen on having sex at first.
He says hes lonely and that he likes chatting to me...but i have told him how confused he is making me.
I know you will all call him a wanker, but i genuinely think hes just lonely and wants company??

OP posts:

Report

hubbabubbabubba · 09/05/2012 14:29

ps. i was keen for the sex to happen again but he said no, he doesnt want it to seem like he is using me.

OP posts:

Charbon · 09/05/2012 14:33

He's in a relationship.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 09/05/2012 14:35

'It's not you it's me' is usually a gentle way to let someone know they are chucked. To then keep texting etc is pretty needy and inconsistent. Yes, he's using you for sex but probably trying to keep you at arm's length in case you had any ideas about it being exclusive or serious. I'd be telling him to make his mind up or leave me alone.

hubbabubbabubba · 09/05/2012 14:36

but i have been round his little house several times and met his friends?

Yes, i know i need to tell him to leave me alone.

OP posts:

MissFaversham · 09/05/2012 14:37

Delete him from all avenues OP.

If he's confused - who needs this aggro in their lives.

Or

He's in a relationship.

Or

He's playing head games.

Why on earth would you want to make do being "his company" coz he's lonely?

Come on now OP. Get shot.

SquishyCinnamonSwirls · 09/05/2012 14:38

He might be lonely and want company but it doesn't sound as if he's at all interested in a relationship with you, whatever his reason. Walk away and find someone else better suited to you.

hubbabubbabubba · 09/05/2012 14:39

Yeah. I know you're all right. And it's the exact advice i gave my mate when she was in a similar situation!

OP posts:

HotDAMNlifeisgood · 09/05/2012 14:40

He's lonely and wants company. So are a lot of people. It doesn't give them the right to mess others about.

You want something he isn't offering. Don't read his text messages now that he's told you upfront he doesn't want a relationship, and FGS don't sleep with him. Block his texts and move on: you will only be able to find a guy who genuinely wants a relationship if you are no longer hanging on to the hope that this no-hoper will blossom into something he is not.

hubbabubbabubba · 09/05/2012 14:41

But the sex was so luuuuuuuuuuuuuurvely!

OP posts:

MissFaversham · 09/05/2012 14:43

OP so what. Get yourself a rabbit

hubbabubbabubba · 09/05/2012 14:45

i know, i know!!

OP posts:

cuttingpicassostoenails · 09/05/2012 21:43

Why on earth would she want a rabbit?

GoPoldark · 09/05/2012 21:56

LOL at 'his little house'

Bless Mr. Rubbish Booty Whine and his tiny little house

sandyboots · 09/05/2012 22:18

ooh no you're not his counsellor! why on earth would you want a relationship with this man, rescuing from his misery etc

you're worth more. convert to FWB or dump and leave him to it.

hubbabubbabubba · 10/05/2012 14:13

Sorry, i dont know why i wrote "little house!"

I have told him i just want FWB and to stop texting!!!! Feels good!

OP posts:

Kaluki · 10/05/2012 14:25

He must be a good shag if you are prepared to be messed about like this for it.
Either that or you have self esteem issues .....

MissFaversham · 10/05/2012 14:33

Well it's not of the "fluffy, hoppy, long eared" variety that I was referring to cuttingpicasso

OP are you sure you're in the right frame of mind to just have a FWB relationship?

hubbabubbabubba · 10/05/2012 14:36

Kaluki..the sex is amazing, and i am a bit of a sex obsessive anyway....i just dont want all the hassle that goes with it.

I have another date with someone else saturday anyway!

OP posts:

Kaluki · 10/05/2012 14:38

hubbabubbabubba · 10/05/2012 14:46

OP posts:

MissFaversham · 10/05/2012 17:43

Hubba, I'm rather confused by you. In your opening post you said that you entered into something wanting a relationship, then you said you only really wanted him as a FWB so I don't understand how that could switch so quickly as you were becoming emotionally involved with him. Unless you were sort of calling his bluff or trying to get a reaction as in... let me switch this and only have sex with him, therefore he may want a relationship (these are games insecure people play)

I always thought that insecure people were really not up to having FWB situations as deep down this only compounds a persons low self-esteem.

I't doesn't take much to confuse me at my age though

Flip

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