some perspective please.

[turbochildren]

I have posted before about rocky relationship. I am looking for some perspective on this situation, pleadse..
I can't claim any moral high ground.

two days ago, after argument, partner asks me to phone his mother regarding the anguish I caused them when I left him (for 2 weeks) 2 1/2 years ago. I said I would do it the next day, it was late. He then phones them, whilst drunk, and telss his mother to speak to me. we agree to speak the next day. I did worry about it and prepared to defend myself. When we speak she says she feels he behaved like a bully and was worried he was drunk. I burst and tell her what he drinks usually, and we talk about his behaviour and what has happened (from my point of view). I try to take care not to make him sound very bad, as he has many lovely qualities, and my behaviour through the years have not been impeachable.
We have children.

Her words, not mine: he has been cruel, verbally abusive, physically abusive and he has to stop drinking.

partner now very angry, says I always take the role as martyr and victim. says mother is hypocrite. will not discuss amicable separation.

any advice for way forward? financial situation dire.

It will be too long to post background, so possibility of drip feed here.

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

If his own mother thinks he's a an abusive drunken bully, that's pretty damning. If his response to this fair assessment is anger, more abuse and blaming his victim rather then he's really just proving the point.

The way forward, love? .... down the hall and through the front door. Stuff the financial situation. Stop making excuses about his 'lovely qualities'. Conctact women's refuge if you have to. Separation may be acrimonious but you need to get out.

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

BTW... if your own behaviour has been as disgusting as his (which you seem to be suggesting) then it's probably still time to call it a day. Two wrongs don't make a right.

[Flisspaps]

What Cogito said.

[LostMyIdentityAlongTheWay]

Why should you phone his mother about a situation of two years ago? Bizarre!
Hard to give more advice but his mother has been blunt about him... Do u want to leave? If u r looking for perspective, mine is that u consider why you should stay with somebody who has abused. Tread carefully... There are worse things thaN being broke....

[daffydowndilly]

Every alcoholic has nice qualities... when sober. Every codependent spouse behaves badly because of the tremendous emotional pressure of living with a drunk. Go to Al Anon and listen to his mother.

[Lueji]

Where exactly have you behaved badly?

Telling his mum about it?

You did well. These people thrive on secrecy.

How has your behaviour not been impeccable?
Nobody's is ever. We all have our faults.

[turbochildren]

thanks for messages. can't write now.
it's not good. thanks for advice on al anon.

[Lueji]

Stay safe.
And I hope it gets better.
Hugs

[doormat]

cogniot says it all for me..time you just contacted a refuge and wave bye bye to this gobshite....you will be better off xxx