I am pissed off with DP

[confuzed90]

Basically, I had a baby 10 days ago and as we originally agreed, he was to have a week off work to help out and spend time with me. Mainly being as its our DS2 and with our first he buggered off to france and missed DS1s birth and didn't come back till he was 9 days old, didn't phone or anything to see how we were. But that's another story.

This time, he promised hed make it special for me as we don't want anymore children, all through my pregnancy he wasn't supportive, I had SPD, and still had to clean the house, do his washing, cook dinners and deal with our 3 year old. He didn't help once. So I was really looking forward to the week together to get a rest and some help before getting back to being a 'slave'. I am also a full time student.

Once DS2 was born, he broke the news that he's doing 12 hour shifts at work, and went back when he was 2 days old (he was born early hours saturday morning) DP did 12 hour nights, which was worst as I then had to do everything day and night.I have managed to keep up, dinners cooked, house blitzed. But feeling really fed up now, he thinks I'm being unreasonable about being pissed of with him doing all these hours(he is now doing 12 hour days this week, gets back when DS1 has been bathed and in bed.
I feel like he's ruined this time for me, when we should be being a family, doing things together.
Surely a week off wasn't unreasonable? He booked it and everything, but cancelled it so that he could work instead.

[ChaosTrulyReigns]

Gosh, yes I'd be irked at that.
Has he explained why he wants to be at work so much?
Congratulations on DS2.

[ChaosTrulyReigns]

Gosh, yes I'd be irked at that.
Has he explained why he wants to be at work so much?
Congratulations on DS2.

[manicbmc]

The bit with the first baby and him buggering off when you were busy giving birth would have been a deal breaker for me.

He sounds utterly selfish. I know some people struggle with being at home with babies (my ex certainly did) but what would he have done if it hadn't been straight forward?

Stop blitzing. I know it sounds childish but I'd not be doing any washing of cooking for this man. Look after you and your children. The rest can wait.

[AugustMoon]

YAdefNBU

[AugustMoon]

Agree with manic - stop doing his washing and cooking his meals. You have enough to do with a newborn and a 3yo. Congratulations btw - he's the one missing out

[HipHopOpotomus]

Gosh I've never asked this before on MN but why are you with this person?

He doesn't seem to be at all interested in being part of a family with you and your DC, he ignores you, it seems he agrees to things to 'placate' you and then he does what he wants anyway (ie this is called LYING TO YOU), and he isn't at all supportive.

Congratulations on your new baby. I hope you can find a way to enjoy this really special time, without being constantly disappointed by your P.

Personally I stop doing all housework, and if your DS is in nursery (and having a cooked lunch) I'd be doing sandwiches for his dinner and buying in lots of nice and easy to prepare food for myself. I'd be doing absolutely nothing at all for your so called P.

[CallMeAl]

why on earth did you have a second baby with this twat?

[MsVestibule]

I'm in a bad mood this morning, so I'll not mince my words. Why did you have a second DC with him? He does nothing in the house, he doesn't help out with your first DC, he chooses to go back to work immediately after your 2nd DC is born, and then doesn't even see what the problem is.

You say you've blitzed the house. Unless you have OCD or a similar psychological disorder, why would you even do this when you have a newborn? Surely a quick vacuum round is the most that is needed.

Yes, he's a completely selfish berk, but you've facilitated his behaviour in the past by tolerating it, so why should he change? What's in it for him?

[HipHopOpotomus]

very helpful contribution AL
Did you not read that she had a baby just 10 days ago!!!

[samandi]

YABU. He's shown his true colours in the past (several times by the sounds of it) and it's a bit silly to expect him to change now.

[CallMeAl]

yep, and you can bet she's asking herself my question! She should confront these issues.
He sounds like an utter tool.

[Portofino]

I'm with callMeAl on this one! He sounds like a completely selfish nob.

[chipsandmushypeas]

Why the hell are you his slave? Just dont do it!! Will he starve? Will he leave for work with dirty clothes? Ridiculous! He's like that because you do everything!

Agree with callme he's an utterly selfish knob and if he was this way the first time, don't expect anything different this time. Good luck

[OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos]

I agree with Al's sentiment too sadly.

This man seems horrible and incredibly selfish. Has he done anything to show that he cares for you and for what your body is going through? Is he involved with your toddler?

I think the is one of these situations where you woudo probably feel your life was a lot easier without him in it. You need to consider what this man actually adds to your famil other than money.

[confuzed90]

Well we're 'meant' to be getting married in july, so he says the moneys for that. But the majority of that is sorted and he has always been obsessed with overtime at work anyway, he's never been very caring or loving, infact he talks to me really badly. we only have one car and I was meant to be having it today if he did 12 hours so I could get out and takes DS1 to the park. But he got up this morning and took the car, so I'm stuck in, the park is 2 bus rides away. He's txt me saying that he will not do overtime today but he is NOT happy! And that the wedding is now off till next year :/

[OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos]

He's not happy and calling your wedding off because he can't do overtime? After he wentback on arrangement that means you are stuck onthe house all day?

Confuzed, this isn't normal behaviour.

[confuzed90]

And I have tried to do nothing around the house, he does go to work with dirty clothes, will leave pots. His response is "if I leave it long enough youl do it anyway" because yes, slightly OCD who hates mess and dirt.
When I was in hospital at 30 weeks pregnant, I was in for 3 days. He ate nothing because no one was there to make it. Oh he went to mcd's once.
I know I should leave him, I have tried so many times, I'm only young however, well 22. My parents think the sun shines out his arse and see nothing wrong with the overtime he does. Infact they have a go at me for being unhappy with it.

[Flisspaps]

confuzed

Sadly I'm inclined to agree with those asking what you get out of this. I'd be putting the wedding off for good, not for a year.

He doesn't value you or your children enough to take time off work to help when you needed it most. He lied to you about taking time off. He chose to work 12 hour shifts because he's more bothered about money for the wedding than spending time with his newly grown family.

He's taken the car knowing you need it and now your DS is missing out.

Leave the blitzing. Do a bit of housework of you want, but the house does not need blitzing when you have a newborn. That's why doors close - you can shut the mess away!

Give yourself some time to think. Do you really want to spend forever with a man who seemingly thinks so very little of you and your lovely children?

[chipsandmushypeas]

How old is he?

[MsVestibule]

I'm on the verge of laughing hysterically. If nearly everything is sorted for your wedding, only a few weeks away, how can you postpone it without it costing a shedload of money? Presumably that's his punishment for you not allowing him to do overtime? Why the frig would you be unhappy about not marrying this man? Genuinely baffled.

And where could you possibly live that the nearest park is 2 bus rides away???

[Flisspaps]

Oh, and what your parents think matters not one jot. If they like him do much they can have him!

[TheCunningStunt]

I agree with everyone, why are you with this man? Stop doing things for him, concentrate on the children and reassess what you want from a relationship. Is this it?

[manicbmc]

He sounds abusive and nasty. Seriously, you need to live your life for you, not your parents.

Get some advice from Women's Aid.

[confuzed90]

He's 21, 22 next month.I have been stupid and put up with it for so long he now expects it.urgh its such a mess.he thinks that I'm in the wrong and being unreasonable. Says he's working so much to give us what we deserve, but he doesn't see that what we deserve is him at home

[ScrambledSmegs]

He sounds horrible. So for you.