Friend's Affair/Destructive Behaviour

[midori1999]

I have a friend who I haven't known that long really, less than a year, but am quite close to. She has had marriage problems as long as I have known her and although I only have her side of the story, her DH does seem to behave like a bit of an arse to be frank. I don't want to give too much info just in case anyone recognises her from my posts. He won't talk to her about anything. He works away a lot and just won't phone or reply to emails/texts etc if there's a problem.

Anyway, she seems desperately unhappy and the GP has described her antidepressants, but I am not sure if she is taking them, she was reluctant due to her Mum's history of depression and medication.

Recently on a night out when she was very drunk, she confided in me that she had slept with one of her DH's work colleagues. She was very upset and crying and saying that she'd ruined her marriage and that was it, no going back now etc etc. Her husband doesn't know. I don't think she would have told me if she wasn't so drunk, but I did suspect and there have been rumours about it.

She has mentioned it to me since, in a 'jokey' sort of way, but I think she felt awkward and wasn't sure if I knew/remembered what she had said etc and wanted to confirm.

I don't know what to do. I feel on the one hand it's absolutely none of my business. On the other hand, the person she has slept with is in a position of trust and although maybe not intentionally, I feel has taken advantage of her current emotional state. In their line of work this would be very, very frowned upon and he would be in real trouble if anyone at work found out. My DH works with them all and although doesn't know either of them really well, is in a position to do something about it if he knew. I suspect my DH would do something about it if he knew in fact, regardless of whether I'd told him in confidence, because it isn't ethical for 'the other man' to be doing this whilst holding the job he does.

My friend also kissed another man in front of women who know her husband and who's husband's know her husband on the same night out. She was too drunk to know what she was doing really and that alone worries me.

I don't agree with what my friend has done at all, but she is my friend and so I will support her and try to be there for her whatever.

Any advice?

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

If there are already rumours and she's behaving so indiscreetly the information will get back to her DH without your help. The unethical work colleague taking advantage sounds pretty serious and I think you could talk to your DH and see what he suggests. Otherwise, be on stand-by with the tissues. This sounds like a big heap of shit about to hit the proverbial fan.

[ebbandflow]

Keep well out of it, try not to analyse her behaviour she sounds full of drama. I speak from experience of similar friend.

[midori1999]

Thanks.

I think if DH knew about it he'd feel duty bound to tell work. That would obviously result in my friends DH finding out and the other man involved at the least being transferred elsewhere. If it gets out as more than just rumours then the same would happen.

I don't think my friend is full of drama at all. She is desperately unhappy, had a dreadful, dreadful childhood and does a good job at pretending to most people she's just fine. She's not at all the sort of woman to usually do anything like this and I really feel this man is taking advantage of her although I doubt she'd see it that way.

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

If the unethical work colleague is genuinely abusing a position of trust he needs to be stopped or he'll do it again. I think it's a racing certainty that your friend's DH is going to find out sooner or later anyway so why let an abuser off the hook, just to put off the inevitable?