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Married and Swinging

165 replies

Squigsmum · 27/04/2012 13:40

Hi there,

Im a (fairly) regular mumsnetter but have named changed for obvious reasons

My post is more of a way of getting some thoughts straight in my head and seeing what others think rather than actually asking for advice.

A bit of background . . .

I am a single working mum of 4 children and for the past 3 years I have been enjoying the swinging scene. I have met some really lovely people, some of whom are now friends and explored a side of life that I never dreamed possible.

18 months ago I met my partner on a swinging site and life is good

I am extremely careful about keeping this side of my life very private and not even our close friends know. I am in no way embarrassed about it, I feel it is a lifestyle choice, we aren't harming anyone and we practice safe sex always, it's more that I wouldn't want my children to find out plus I have a high profile job.

Both my partner and I feel very strongly about only meeting or 'playing' with people who are either single or who's partners are aware and agree with what they are doing.
There are many married men (and some woman) on the sites we use who are there without their partners knowledge, I don't have a huge problem with this but it saddens me and would rather not be a part of it.

In the past few months we have been AMAZED at how many married men are playing away using this site. They are on cam in the day in their offices
at home in their marital beds when their wives think they are at work or off sick and parked up in their cars in their dinner hour on cam on their laptops.

I have been messaged by five men who admitted they were playing away this week alone, the first who is a regular user of a swingers club told me he can use the club whenever he likes as his wife bought him gym membership so she thinks he is there! Another guy who's partner thinks he visits his local pub with a pal who is also out cheating and one who works late two days each week so that he can have time for his double life (this guy owns his own business and actually states on the business website that he has late night opening twice a week to back up his deceit)

Am I being naive in thinking that their wives and partners have absolutely no idea what these guys are up to?
Do they know but can't face confronting them?

I've posted this after helping my neighbour with some DIY this morning and listened to her telling me about her new home her and her partner had just moved into. She explained how happy they were and how he doted on her and her children. she discribed him as her 'lifesaver' after a recent health scare etc etc. I could barely look her in the eye for fear of bursting into tears at the fact that I know him as a regular on the scene who brags openly about how easy it is to deceive her

What do you all think?

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worldgonecrazy · 27/04/2012 13:45

I think that in all walks of life there are people who act selfishly. The scene you are in are just a lot more open about it.

I know plenty of men who are having sex with people other than their wives.

It happens everywhere, it's just more blatant in your situation.