"If a man is ignored or frozen out in a relationship, it's only natural for him to have emotional affairs."

[MrsSchadenfreude]

Discuss...

[MyChildDoesntNeedSleep]

Makes sense. But it also works the other way round too...

[BelleDameSansMerci]

If a "person" is frozen out might be more accurate?

[FluffStar]

Well I think if I was ignored and frozen out I would probably begin to think about ending the relationship and looking elsewhere after a while.

Depends entirely on the circumstances though. If I loved the person and the problems were down to illness/personal problems and discussed at each stage I would try my best to stand by and help my partner rather than just legging it at the first opportunity.

[pollyblue]

this is a bit low MrsS. Making a thread out of another person's problems? I thought you weren't setting out to be unkind.

[Anniegetyourgun]

Of course one partner's "ignored or frozen out" is another's "not putting him at the centre of the universe all the time".

[Harecare]

Do you mean they start sharing their emotions with someone else? So it's like a non sexual affair?

[izzyizin]

If I was 'ignored or frozen out' (strange choice of words if used to describe a marital or monogamous scenario) of a relationship I'd end it and, no doubt in time, I'd form a relationship with someone else if that was what I was looking for.

[Gay40]

Bad form.

[oikopolis]

it might be natural, but it's not the right thing to do

it's also natural to eat your young during times of stress

[oikopolis]

wait what other thread is this referencing?

[likeatonneofbricks]

er, this was not meant as 'have emotional affairs and stay in the cold r-ship forever'', it's transitional stage before leaving IF feelings for someone else hit you.

[sternface]

All my forum pet hates in one.

An OP that has the arrogance to say 'Discuss'

A shit-stirring thread designed to irritate at best and at worst, hurt

An argument that says that men's needs are central to life itself. Natural? Oh do behave!

An intellectually lazy argument put forward to justify one's own behaviour or that of one's bedfellows.

[solidgoldbrass]

Well, it's what a lot of people do if a relationship is making them miserable - struggle on, trying to fix it, gradually resigning themselves to an unhappy life with an unsatisfactory partner (because everyone has been told, time after time after time, that to be single is to have failed, that relationships have to be 'worked at' and that you are not entitled to be happy) - and only getting the energy to exit the failed relationship when someone new comes along who reminds them that there is life outside it, that they are lovable/attractive.

[Bobits]

If a person is being frozen out by an abusive partner, because her independance during pregnancy makes them lonely (percived threat) it is acceptable for that person to seek emotional support from friends and relatives.

As detaching and practicalities do take some time.

This is obviously different from the thread title but shows how the reason for the withdrawal is relevant (and is omitted from the title).

And the actions of the person (when withdrawal is unjustified)can be to seek support outside the relationship without having an affair.

Just my take on it. There is never an excuse for an affair.

[izzyizin]

Perhaps the OP will deign to add her contribution to the 'discussion'? With her name, it should be interesting...

[babyheave1662]

No. In short.

If you are that unhappy in a relationship it's not inevitable or ok to have emotional affairs. Getting involved with someone else while already in a bad place is going to end up hurting a lot of people.

If a relationship has got to that point then it would be better to end it, not cheat, no matter how you justify it.

[MrsSchadenfreude]

Apologies, it was indeed something I read on another thread. I know it's bad form to start a thread about a thread, but wondered what people's take would be on it if the boot were on the other foot (ie, if it were a man and not a woman who had been frozen out and ignored).

It was a hypothetical question really that intrigued me - whether men and women are treated differently on this forum regarding emotional affairs, hence my rather crude "discuss." I apologise wholeheartedly - I did not mean to upset or offend anyone. Sorry.

FWIW I agree that you should leave an inadequate relationship before getting involved with anyone else - sometimes the beginning of an attraction to someone else can be the boot that you need to get you out.

[tb]

My 'd'm did this periodically to my df for 34 years from when they married until he died. Sadly, he loved her until the day he died and kept his vows. She didn't.

[solidgoldbrass]

I think it can happen on a bit of a sliding scale; someone who has been thoroughly ground down by an abusive partner might need the 'affair' to develop quite a way before s/he really gains enough confidence to bin the unsatisfactory partner. Though a lot of the time, the 'affair' doesn't last, it just gives the unhappy person an escape route from the shitty relationship. Which is not a bad thing.

[Spero]

I agree that gender is irrelevant here. We are a social and gregarious species, on the whole and most of us crave emotional connections. If you are not getting any attention from the person you love, it is likely to make you unhappy and you will probably try to find it elsewhere. It is neither right or wrong, it is just what it is.

The 'rightness' comes in when someone won't accept what might be a temporary state of affairs - illness, pregnancy etc. If you can't support your partner thru difficult times and your answer is to go off and have affairs, then I think you are weak and selfish and thus in that situation I make a moral judgment. But again, this is an entirely gender neutral observation.