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Online Dating - is it normal for guys to ask stuff like this?

(42 Posts)
ChickenSkin Fri 06-Apr-12 19:38:39

So I talk to this guy one day and the next he asks if we can meet up. I thought this was a little quick but I'm told it's better this way rather than messaging for months so I agreed to meet him next week.

Since then he's been a bit - pushy?

He's asked me stuff like
"Would you have more children with the right person?" err bit soon to be thinking along those lines, surely??
"Are you an affectionate person?" no actually, I'm a hard hearted bitch, you ok with that?

And a few other things in this kind of vein. Ok so he's maybe just trying to work out what I'm all about but I feel he's a bit full on considering we've not yet met and have only been messaging a few days? Or is it me that's being odd here?

Dreamless Fri 06-Apr-12 19:42:10

It doesn't sound strange, it just seems like he's trying to find someone who's right for him and he doesn't want to waste his time pussyfooting around, only to find further down the line that you're not compatible.

ChickenSkin Fri 06-Apr-12 19:43:34

Maybe, he does seem very "straight to the point". He also said when he asked me to meet him "time waits for no one" confused

ByAThread Fri 06-Apr-12 19:45:55

Sounds like he's a seasoned online dater. Eliminating the non-compatibles early on is in both of your interests in my experience.

Dreamless Fri 06-Apr-12 19:47:13

Don't get me wrong, he could be a complete weirdo. I've never done online dating so don't know the protocol. Meet him somewhere crowded lol and feel him out. grin

TheNorthWitch Fri 06-Apr-12 19:47:17

He could be a narcissist. They 'mirror' you so that you think you've found a soulmate. Does he asks lots of questions of you but not really give much information about himself? Does he wait to find out what your opinions on something are before giving his views? Throw a few 'wrong' answers in there to see what happens.

DinahMoHum Fri 06-Apr-12 19:49:31

i think its a bit weird. I wouldnt bother meeting that one

tanfastic Fri 06-Apr-12 19:50:26

To be honest I kind of did this when I met dh. I'd been online dating for about a year and although I'd met some nice men (10 dates in total) I'd got a bit bored of the fannying around emailing for weeks to find out they weren't right for me. When I arranged to meet dh (date 11 grin) we talked on chat one night, met the following weekend. No pissing about.

He turned out to be Mr Right wink

Beamur Fri 06-Apr-12 19:52:32

My lovely DP asked me about having kids within 2 weeks of our first date.
I wouldn't say odd, but it is very direct.
If you do meet - take all appropriate precautions.

BillyBollyBandy Fri 06-Apr-12 19:52:39

Agree that after a while you tend to meet up quicker as you realise that people who are great online can be nutters have no social skills.

However, if you feel a little odd about him now, it is unlikely to get better when you do meet up IME.

I met DH online too (date 26 --internet tart--)

Heleninahandcart Fri 06-Apr-12 20:56:24

Not odd for on line dating if he is serious about meeting someone compatible. I'm sometimes surprised that the big things in life, like whether someone wants children, marriage, their views on what a partnership should be like, their family expectations are considered no go areas when we meet someone and first go out with them. The idea is that it's meant to be kept light for a few months before discussing serious subjects, but that can mean wasting time and energy whilst you are blissfully unaware you are not on the same page.

The beauty (and downside) of on line dating is that it's a bit like shopping. Some people have a list, some are just browsing. I would be honest with him, meet up and see where you go. If you think he is trying to 'catch' you by matching your views, just be sure to ask him a few big things first and see what he says grin

IDontWantToBeFatAnymore Fri 06-Apr-12 20:57:58

I met someone and asked him if he wanted to get married and have kids at some point the first day we met grin.

purpleroses Fri 06-Apr-12 21:03:32

It would be a bit soon to be deciding if you want to have children with HIM, but not too soon to ask if you want them with the right person some day, I don't know which site you're on, but the two I've used always had that information on your profile - saves time wasting as that's not really something you can necessarily compromise on.

I'd agree with the other posters who say it's best to meet up early - otherwise you build up a picture of what the other person is like (and possibly turn down other offers of conversations/dates whilst you're doing it) and then they turn out to be nothing like you imagined from the emails. Meet sooner rather than later but keep it casual - eg a lunchtime coffee, then you've nothing to lose.

CoEmLibs34 Fri 06-Apr-12 22:16:51

Please trust me on this one. Purpleroses is right, the longer the mailing the more you both paint a picture.
When I first started online dating I was so gullible that this guy actually thought we were together before we even met, we chatted for one week and added on fb, thought we knew eachother. I know your thinking crazy lady, but I believed him and trusted him. Oh dear it makes me go cold when I think of it as now Im completely different. Yes its nice to get a bit of back ground but meet a s a p and just for coffee so if you feel uncomfortable you can leave. I have put myself in many of positions where I havnt been able to leave and its not nice.

ByAThread Fri 06-Apr-12 22:26:33

I concur. DEFINITELY meet sooner rather than later. It takes all of about 30 mins to work out whether you want to continue talking or run a mile. It's too easy to 'hide' behind emails and get lead along. NEVER agree to go to dinner on the first date as if your gut feel is wrong you're tied in for too long. Coffee or quick drink 'on your way to something else' always works wonders. If you connect there's always another date to look forward to.

purpleroses Fri 06-Apr-12 22:31:02

I think I first realised that you needed to meet up early on when I saw a guy I actually knew in RL on a dating website. I know that he's a complete tart who'd shag anything that moves - but his profile was great! shock Realised how easily I'd have been taken in if I hadn't known him for real.

But I did meet my DP through a website, and he's lovely. So well worth a try. smile

janelikesjam Sat 07-Apr-12 14:52:32

Discussing personal issues like having children with someone you have never met makes me feel icky, icky, probably like you.

Best thing though: meet up and tell us if your instincts were right <grin>

Agree with earlier comment too They 'mirror' you so that you think you've found a soulmate So, be careful ...

Fanty Sat 07-Apr-12 14:56:41

I wouldnt bother, and i speak as somebody eho met her husband through online dating.......i found that as we had exchanged messages for a couple of weeks, there was no pressure, it was like meeting with a chum. Those questions never arose for a couple of months.

piratecat Sat 07-Apr-12 15:01:20

it's a bloody minefield.

you can just dither about messaging for weeks. you think you know someone. you may well get a feeling about someone thats good and it ends up you were wrong.

you might be too sensitive to the way a person writes a question, and you think right can that one.

i think you should bite the bullet and meet asap. I have started putting on my profile what I am expecting out of a relatiohship. Be frank, it's not unreasonable to say you are hoping to have more children one day, or not. It's a non started if neither of you agree on that and have been messaging for a month, then find out you differ on this major one!!

ChickenSkin Sat 07-Apr-12 15:06:56

Well another thing about this guy now is that he sends me many, many messages - one after another, even before the previous one has been replied to.

Example last night:

10.30pm "Hi! how are you today?"
10.45pm "Hows things?"
10.48pm "Hi xx"

None of these I had chance to reply to!! He did it again this morning:

8.45am "morning! did you sleep well?"
8.50am "hi, how are you today?"
8.58am "morning, what do you have planned for today then?"

Why would you continue sending the same message over and over again?? He's put me off to be honest!!

purpleroses Sat 07-Apr-12 15:33:47

Think that would put me off too!

Lueji Sat 07-Apr-12 15:46:51

I think I'd cancel the date.

GinPalace Sat 07-Apr-12 15:49:38

Keep the date - bench mark the awful so you can spot the good when you see it! wink

Leverette Sat 07-Apr-12 16:01:46

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

foreverandever Sat 07-Apr-12 16:27:42

he seems very lonely and desperate to meet the woman for him, just because hes going the wrong way about it (and putting you off) doesnt mean hes an awful person surely - if you have a problem with him either tell him youre not interested or ask him to go more slowly - i do think people who ise online dating feel like theyve exhausted the 'naturally meeting' that special someone so he may feel anxious - i feel a bit sorry for him hes obviously sees something in you that he likes

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