I woke up this morning and cried for 15 minutes and now feel like crap again. I don't know if this is the right place to post but doesn't really fit anywhere else.
I have been off work for a few weeks with various health problems and am feeling pretty low but not particularly about the health thing. I have suffered from depression and am on ADs but am generally ok. I think being off work has not been good for me as I was housebound for a week and have been unable to go far.
As a result of spending loads of time on my own, my thoughts have been running away with me and I am struggling to get out of bed and want to cry most of the time. My thoughts are mostly based on looking at my life and losses I have had, particularly friends. I feel as if no-one cares about me. My dp has been brilliant but I am now becoming paranoid and think he is having an affair even though there is no evidence at all to suggest this - only my warped thinking that I have been cheated on by everyone else in my life and am guessing that he will too.
I have, over the last couple of years, lost two good friends. One friend who meant and still does mean a lot to me, I stopped contacting for a while as she was still in touch with my xh who was very abusive towards me (this was to do with our ds being friends). He made great efforts to be in touch with her because he knew it would hurt me. I did talk to her about it but she kept saying that it was only so that the boys could be in touch. I felt and feel such betrayal over this and have seen her a couple of times over the last year but there is a massive elephant in the room.
I can't go into great detail on the other friend as I don't want to out myself in RL. The problem was to do with my partner and a job where she works where he was treated very badly and became ill as a result. I tried to talk to her about it in a civil way and she just told me that he was not cut out for the job and had made some mistakes. This I accept but the way he was treated was dreadful by one particular individual, as no-one actually took the time to talk to him about anything and he was then let go. All I wanted from her was an acknowledgement that the way things were had made him ill and could have been handled differently. He is now on ADs as a result but is generally OK. I keep thinking of what I could have done differently here. There is more to it which I can't say.
So basically, I feel very low as we have no money, I hardly have any friends, which I feel is my fault, that I am not a worthy person to care about and I have no-one to talk to. I do have one very good friend but she is having problems of her own at the mo so I don't want to burden her with my crap.
I know I sound self-indulgent but life feels so nothing at the moment.
Please can someone talk to me so that I can get some perspective.
Sorry this is long. Thanks. x
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Can someone please help me make sense of my crazy thoughts please
8 replies
Reasonforbeing · 02/04/2012 08:55
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