Feeling low

[neepsntatties]

I have posted before about the problems that dh and I have been having over the last year or so. Briefly he seems to resent anything I do that is not me at home or at work. Sometimes he even resents it when I actually am at work. He sees the kids as 'my job' and clearly wants me at home. He is totally unsupportive of my career and passions. I went against him this year by taking on a post grad course. It has caused a lot of tension and I am still to get to the end of it but I am glad that I stood my ground, he constantly has a go at me for it however. I started my own business this year also and he has been unsupportive of this too so I have not been able to expand it in the way that I hoped. He talks about what I do as a waste of time.

We are in financial trouble which is adding to the stress. He wasn't working for a long time. He has found work recently. It is in another city. He has to live away in the week and it is very hard for the kids (4 and 1)and we lose a lot of money on expenses but it is getting him industry experience which is good. He comes home at weekends and lasts about half a day before he starts being horrible to me again. It's been better when he has been away as there hasn't been this constant tension to deal with.

I just feel so sad right now. In a couple of weeks it will be our ten year anniversary and I don't know what happened to us. I just feel it shouldn't be like this. Someone I am with shouldn't make me feel worse about my life surely. And I feel scared. Scared because we don't have any money (planning to see a financial advisor this easter break to see if there is anything we can do) and scared because I don't think I want to be in this relationship anymore but I am scared of being on my own as I don't think I am good on my own. My only source of support is my brother who is currently in Afganistan until September. My other support would have been my dad who died two years ago this month. I feel very lonely and very sad.

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

It is a lonely & miserable business when you feel unsupported, belittled and unloved. Nothing is worse than feeling trapped in that situation - especially when you started married life, presumably, optimistically. You're obviously a capable and intelligent person with a strong ability to motivate yourself against the odds. If you can take a post-grad course and start a business with him acting as a millstone around your neck, what makes you think you couldn't cope alone? Sounds like you're already coping alone.

Financial advice is a really good idea. Not just to solve the current money troubles but also to get you thinking about being properly independent. You may think you have nothing at all but there is a lot of help out there. Running a 'what if' through this Benefits Calculator could be illuminating. Would friends be willing to listen? Good luck whatever you decide to do next.

[AnyFucker]

I am really sorry you are feeling low, neeps

Along with Xmas, springtime can be a bugger for people who are not feeling supported and at peace with themselves x

[neepsntatties]

Thanks, today has been grim. We decided to take the kid on a picnic but just as we were about to head out the door he decides he can't go as he has things to do. Cue one crying 4 year old, but apparently it is my fault and I should just get on with looking after the kids because he is busy.

[AnyFucker]

how horrible

does he do this sort of thing on purpose ?

to deliberately upset a child lie that is unforgiveable

[RandomMess]

He doesn't sound invested in family life , more that you are the trophy wife and kids without him being involved.

[neepsntatties]

I don't know what he was thinking. I said I didn't mind that he had work to do but that he shouldn't have said we were going out like that. He said it didn't matter and to just take the kids out as he had to get on.

I've just had enough.

[AnyFucker]

No, he shouldn't have said it if he had no intention of going

that's just nasty

[PooPooInMyToes]

What an arse!