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Men and their bowels

(47 Posts)
WineGoggles Thu 08-Mar-12 09:48:38

This is lighthearted, and I suppose it is to do with relationships...
I’m curious, do men have different digestive systems to women? I mean, why is it that when I need a poo it is a swift operation, in and out of the toilet in a couple of minutes, but when any of my BFs have “needed” one they spend ages in there. When I mentioned it to my BF he said it’s because he thinks he may need one so goes and tries, to which I say, “why not wait until you know you need one imminently”? Surely an adult knows the difference in the feelings between needing one in 15 minutes and having one in the departure lounge. They don’t think “ah, I may need a pee in half an hour so I’ll go to the bathroom and wait around until it happens” do they! Any ideas? It does seem to be a man thing, or are you ladies just like the men I’ve had in my life?

JamRagRolyPoly Thu 08-Mar-12 09:52:54

Weird innit.

My DP said it's the only time he really 'thinks' so he stays there longer.

I think they just can't poo as easily.

Jewson Thu 08-Mar-12 10:52:55

Haha was thinking this the other day I'm done in a matter of mins and my h takes about 20 mins sometimes he will b on fbk on his phone I always say to him get in there and get it done mad init

Olbasoil Thu 08-Mar-12 11:12:06

I'm sorry but "one in the departure lounge" has made me laugh so much I choked !

mojitomania Thu 08-Mar-12 11:12:31

When I was growing up we had two toilets in our house. The small one we dedicated to dad and called it his "Office". He used to be in there for hours with the racing post his reading material grin

herbaceous Thu 08-Mar-12 11:20:10

I know! It's bizarre. And they always make such a big deal about it, with announcements about imminent lav visits, escalating to a town crier or dozen buglers if you have the audacity not to be fascinated by this particular bodily function.

Like most right-thinking people, ie women, I just wait for the urge, go, get it done, and out, quick smart. Couple of minutes.

Is it perhaps due to the prostate, and potential for pleasurable sensation thereabouts?

HedleyLamarr Thu 08-Mar-12 11:20:22

I must be a weirdo then, 'cos I wait till I've got a mole at the counter, drop the kids off and that's it. Normally I'm done in a couple of minutes. smile

Broodzilla Thu 08-Mar-12 11:24:12

Maybe they perform some kind of an elaborate ritual? I mean, it happens behind closed doors, so for all we know, we're missing out on something? (But yes, 11 years of co-habiting with my husband and it's a mystery...)

herbaceous Thu 08-Mar-12 11:34:02

Another phrase for you Olbasoil: 'Grandma at the window'.

Jewson Thu 08-Mar-12 11:40:28

I like what was said about the announcements my h is same HL male or female?

seaweedhead Thu 08-Mar-12 11:48:49

My dp is an exception to this rule- he never spends ages in the toilet and rarely makes a big stink. And he never announces when he's going either.

CailinDana Thu 08-Mar-12 11:52:52

My DH is the same seaweed. I commented the other day that DS poos every day (I have a very uncooperative bowel) and DH said "I do too," which really surprised me as I've never noticed. He says nothing and never spends very long in there. My dad on the other hand, could spend up to an hour in there. I think he was just hiding from all the women in the house (mum, me, two sisters and a female cat grin)

One of my friends uses the word "turtling" to describe a dangerously imminent poo. It's horridly apt.

seaweedhead Thu 08-Mar-12 12:16:06

He's a bit weird tbh- he hardly seems to fart either. I think his mum brought him up to believe its vulgar to make a show of such things. hmm

auldspinster Thu 08-Mar-12 12:28:31

I must be a defective woman as i've always taken my time in the smallest room!

CakeMeIAmYours Thu 08-Mar-12 14:02:03

Its actually really bad for you to sit with your bowels 'open' i.e. trying for ages to go - One way ticket to a lovely bunch of piles.

lovelychops Thu 08-Mar-12 14:07:17

And when they're announcing it they usually seem rather pleased and proud of themselves of the imminent, erm departure. Why ?!!

WineGoggles Thu 08-Mar-12 14:28:10

Then they come out with something like "You may want to leave it a while before you go in there" whilst smurking hmm

RE "turtles"; an old friends partner ones told her, in my presence, to hurry up in the bathroom because he had a "turtle head", LOL.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight Thu 08-Mar-12 14:38:48

My DS is 3 and already likes to sit for ages while he has a poo, so I'm starting to wonder if there is something different about male bowels! My DH doesn't do it so he hasn't learnt it from him.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight Thu 08-Mar-12 14:41:19

Ew to the person who mentioned prostate! I don't think men have sexy poos, do they?

GrimmaTheNome Thu 08-Mar-12 14:48:51

My DH is like this but there is a way to speed up the process. In our house, if he utters the phrase 'can you make me a Hot Cup of Tea please' it means 'I'm going but don't want to be all day about it'. Without the 'Hot' it just means he's thirsty.

Give it a go - send your best beloved to enthrone with a really hot drink.

kmdwestyorks Thu 08-Mar-12 14:49:39

What i want to know is why his half an hour has to be first thing in he morning while i'm sorting the DD, the dogs, the lunches, the dishwasher, the washer.

then they forget to open a window and close the door.

then they tootle down the stairs socks in hands and question why i am starting the day so irrationally "stressed".

i take comfort in his future discomforting piles as revenge.

carernotasaint Thu 08-Mar-12 15:06:41

I think men in general believe that their digestive systems are different to womens,going by how many of them moan and say that women farting is unladylike. Some men expect you to sit there holding in in and getting gutsache (my DH doesnt which is just as well as i have IBS) and a lot of women dont help themselves by colluding with it. "oh my god ive just farted in front of new partner for the first time. Hes going to dump me now" If a man is that much of a sexist idiot hes not worth being with in the first place.

Kikithecat Thu 08-Mar-12 15:18:22

The males of my house regularly block the system with oversized offerings. I think it must be akin to giving birth, hence the length of time needed (and the early warning contractions they get).

starfishmummy Thu 08-Mar-12 15:25:37

Dh is never there long either.

kaluki Thu 08-Mar-12 15:28:53

And why does man poo smell so much fouler than ours? We eat the same food so why???
Lol @ grandma at the window!!!!

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