The Brave Babes Battle Bus - On Their Way To Giving Up The Booze For Lent (or just for today)

[Mouseface]

Hello, I'm Mouse

Welcome to the Brave Babes Bus where you'll find a mix of drinker, non drinkers, those who has been sober for a long time, and those who are getting there One Day At A Time.

Come and say hi....... we won't bite

And if you want to know how this all got started, HERE is a link to the previous threads.

[Mouseface]

I'm so so so so sorry that I wasn't around to get this done before we got to the end of the last thread.

DH has been really poorly and I've been looking after him, his throat is almost closed and I'm trying to get him into the docs.

Be back later.

Sorry again for letting you down xxx

[QuietOhSoQuiet]

oh mouse,big hugs

I tried to post a reply on the old thread but it vamoused

sarah I was trying to say this.I am fascinated by what makes a person hit rock bottom and change things.

My ex husband was an alcoholic,drank vast quantities of super strong beer/cider/whisky/cheap vodka and then decided cannabis was good too.I divorced him as I did not want to live like that with the constant lies,money going missing to buy more booze and the children not being taken care of whilst I was at work.....did this make him hit rock bottom,NO

My 2 eldest ds' (23,20) his sons disowned him as they no longer wanted to visit him as he was vile and they could not cope with it as young children.(courts allowed him access despite evidence from the police he had an alcohol problem,I still wonder to this day if it was because he was not white and they did not want to offend,I will never know).............did this make him hit rock bottom,NO

He had another son (so my ds' half brother) and as he was so pissed all the time he failed to notice that the mothers new boyfriend was abusing his baby son,he is now blind in one eye due to an incident with a cigarette.Social services took the baby into care,they knocked on my door and said my ex had applied for custody and would I consider him a fit parent as I had been married to him and had children with him,I of course said no,he has a drink problem,he lost and the baby HIS SON,his other sons' half brother was permenantly adopted in secret,his whereabouts unknown until he decides when he is older who he wants to see...............did he hit rock bottom,NO

What makes someone decide that enough is enough,why did I decide to try and turn things around before it got any further and others either can't/won't/don't know how.I love physchology,studied a bit with the OU.

I only ask this as my ds 20 also has the addictive genes that myself and his father have and he at 15 had major cannabis habit that he had to be helped through and it makes me wonder how some can sail through life seemingly without a care in the world and others seek refuge in addictive substances and then some recover and some do not

Anyone think I have too much time on my hands today ?

[TrinityRhino]

I got really scared then cause I couldn't post on the other thread



don't be silly mouse, hope you dh feels better soon

hi quiet wow, thats a hell of a story..



I want a drink
I feel like shit, there is some wine left in a bottle
hair of the dog always helps a shitty hangover

I didn't cancel my app to take my car into the garage this morning even though I felt hideous and then had to wait almost an hour for a train home

the kids are bouncing off the walls and dp has come down with what dd1 had
he's in bed bless him so I'm trying to keep them quiet and I cant snuggle up in bed with them and watch some telly

grrrrrr I'm fucking angry with myself
I'm shit

[Fairenuff]

Well Quiet that's quite an opening post and a question worth pondering. I have no idea why we are all affected differently by alcohol. I guess it's an individual combination of our personality, life experiences, physical make-up, emotional tolerance, outlook on life, etc. I'm begining to think no two alcoholics are the same .

Anyway, glad I found the new thread, well done Mouse for getting it up and running amongst all your other demands .

Did JWN start one as well? I didn't see it so I will settle down here and see who turns up.

MsGee Plan B sounds good. I have switched from wine to tea at dinnertime but I have mine after I eat and I have peppermint tea which is supposed to aid digestion. It's become a habit now and I look forward to my after dinner drink. Also, it stops me looking hopefully around for dessert .

[QuietOhSoQuiet]

Trinity you are not shit,you do not want the wine it won't help you

anger can be good,mke some bread and bash the crap out of it

give the ids rubbish for their tea if necessary and stick them in front of the tv,you do some deep breathing,I have been doing it when the urge is strong,I put my head on the work surface,wrap my hands round my head and breathe in and out with concsious deep breaths until the urge leaves me

you can do this and I know it's easier said than done as we al get that hair of the dog feeling but be strong or else I will hunt you down and kick your arse for real

now start breathing.................

[TrinityRhino]

ok I'm breathing, I'm breathing

the kids are having hotdogs in buns
we are watching spongebob

[Fairenuff]

Trinity if you want to drink, drink. Why not? You are an adult, you can decide what you want to do.

But if you wanted to drink you wouldn't be trying so hard not to would you? You are here because you want to change your habits. You have to do it, they won't change themselves.

And yes, it is hard at first, but fight it dammit. Do something else. Take the kids out for a run around while it's still light, do some baking, play a board game or get stuck into that jigsaw puzzle. Put your pjs on, have a cup of tea, eat a packet of biscuits, clean your teeth. Do an exercise dvd, scrub the floors, weed the garden. This craving will pass. Come back and chat to us, phone a friend, play charades, just do something to take your mind off it and beat the fucker today .

Or you could drink and be faced with the same dilemma tomorrow. Your call.

[TrinityRhino]

fairenuff, you are very good at this

[QuietOhSoQuiet]

I was just going to say I like the reverse pyschology faire

[MsGee]

mouse dont be daft you don't need to apologise for taking part in RL!! Hope DH better soon.

I've cocked up plan b by doing invoices already. Found another piece of work to do and will tidy office.

Might have a bath as well. Although I've gone off that bath a bit after weddingring-poo-bath-episode

Trin just take it ten minutes or half an hour at a time. I find it helps to tell myself I can drink but won't for the next half an hour. Just keep delaying the decision

Faire I have some peppermint tea so thats my plan.

I've been thinking about drinking alternate days but am worried it will send my brain the message that either a) drinking is ok just every other day and b) that I have some control over it all and can follow the rules. Which I am uneasy about. I can see how it works but I worry it wil just delay me accepting the reality of the situation. Hope no offence caused, just musing out loud.

[TrinityRhino]

how are you feeling msgee?

I feel like shite

I need to bottle the feeling I had this morning when I had to force myself to still take the car to the garage, then spend an hour ish on a train platform, shivering and trying not to retch

[Bproud]

Hi Trinity how are you getting on?
I am marking my place and will be back later, I have something I really need to get off my chest and I think this is the time and place to do it.

[TrinityRhino]

I'm ok ish
I've just eaten three mini magnums

and I'm just waiting on the little two finishing their one and then they are going to bed

I want to go to bed
I'm tired and have a headache

[Bproud]

My cold is better, but with a day in bed (lucky me with no LOs to look after) I had a lot of time to think.
here goes... Something happened to me over a number of years, when I was a child, I can't put in print what it was, but it disrupted my development and changed me I think. It is hard to say for sure because I was very young and who can say how I would have turned out if this hadn't happened to me.

But my voice was stolen from me by keeping secrets, and I became an embarrassed, ashamed and inhibited person. People think I am aloof, but it is just because I never learned how to interact normally with my peers because of the secrets I was carrying. Alcohol helped me by removing those feelings of inhibition, allowing me to feel a part of a group and join in with things.
That crutch has gone now and I am proud that I am coping, but all this horrible stuff has come back up from under the alcoholic mist to haunt me, I hope that writing it down here will help to disperse it.

I am sure I am not the only one here who has drunk to try to drown memories and fears, and it is so painful to face up to it, but I should not have to feel guilt and shame, and I refuse to self inflict those feelings through drinking more than I want to to.
YABOO SO THERE! ( I have been working on my inner child) [weak]

[Bproud]

trinity mini magnums are the way to go. Have yourself a large drink of water, some painkillers and an early night.
Do you have a laptop you can take to bed with you? Keep posting, I'll be here.

[MsGee]

Trinity I am ok - have got through weak point 1 - I had water with my tea and am now in the office with more water. I have told DH that I am here until 8.20, then I will use willpower to get a non-alcoholic beer.

I really really need to do this tonight. It would be easy to have some wine but I will feel so crap tmrw.

Anyway, am around for the next 40 minutes if you need your hand holding x

[Mouseface]

Evening, tis me, Mouse

Trinity - I'm going to give you some idea of how I used to struggle with the Day After when I say to you that I know think you will drink that wine tonight. You'll convince yourself that if you drink it tonight, then it's all gone isn't it.

If you drink that wine tonight, you won't be tempted tomorrow. It will be all gone, nothing to help you to fail, to let us down........... not that you will fail or let us down, just yourself sweets.

Trinity - prove me wrong. I'm only saying this because I am you. I have been you. I have sat in the lounge listening to a bottle of wine screaming at me to be drunk.

And the Hair Of The Dog is just great isn't it? I love it. It hates me.

Why not make your new best friend a box of mini magnums?

We all know how you are feeling, we've all been tempted to have that last bit of the bottle. Go one, Kick Ass lovely lady! You can do this. If you want to YOU CAN.

I don't want to upset you, I waant to help you xx

[MsGee]

Bproud I am sorry I didn't properly read your post earlier ...

It resonates with me for lots of reasons. You are right - facing it does dispel the feelings of shame and fear. I think often the silencing of a voice does more - or as much damage as the reason for the silence. Speaking out is the answer. I wrote about some of my experiences last year but I can now honestly say that it shaped the person who got to today - my past. But it does not shape who I am in the future. The choices I make and how I view myself.

Its a hard journey to get there but worth it. xx

[Mouseface]

DH is very ill. The doc was really shocked by his throat. He thinks tonsillitis but failing that Glandular Fever. He can't swallow, raging temp and can't do anything without struggling.

I'm worried about him, he is in so much pain. The doc recommended dispersible asprin to gargle with and a stronger antibiotic. I just wish I could make him better now.

The weekend in The Lakes is looking less likely. And it's his best mates 40th party which is where he's going to be

MsGee - huge hugs to you xx

Bproud - wow, thank you for sharing a part of your life with us. I can hear your voice and I like the sound of it. Well done for letting that out xxx

[QuietOhSoQuiet]

mouse :( I know someone who had his throat swell really badly with tonsillitis,stronger antibiotics should do the trick if that's what it is.I hate tonsillitis,it's a miserable illness.Wish him well with lots of rest.

Bproud that felt very special hearing you use your voice

[Bproud]

Thank you so much Babes. It really helped to write that out, I am going to write some more for myself, go through my memory box, write a time line and then burn it all. I need to get the timings sorted in my head, validate the memories that I have suppressed, mixed up and confused over the years and then watch it go up in smoke. I will let you know when I am going to do the burning and would really like it if you would light a candle with me, for that little damaged girl, at that time.

Mouse I hope DH feels better soon.

[Mouseface]

Thanks Babes I just feel so helpless. I want to look after him but I can't. I've got to put Nemo first.

I have managed to walk the dog twice, do the weekly shop, cook and clean, sort DD out, taken delivery of new furniture, dealt with a SALT visit, a session at pre-school, do the washing and drying, school lunch for DD, fed the dog twice, got the cat in, fed said cat, tidied the toys, washed up, put laundry away, ran a bath for DH, and now I'm just finishing Nemo's feed and then I am going to bed.

PHEW!!!

Sorry to off-load, I hate not being able to make DH better, ease his pain. [ssad] xx

[SillyStrokeSensibleMum]

Just found you...Mouse, you should not be apologising for anything!! I wish I wasn't such a dumb-ass and that I could start the new thread or something. You have so much on your plate. Thank you for doing this too. I hope DH gets better v soon.

BProud.... What a moving couple of posts. I cannot think of the right words, but I just want to say that I am thinking of you. It sounds like today's thoughts will lead to an important release for you. I hope the thinking, writing down and burning etc marks the end of what sounds like a long and very difficult time for you. Thank you for sharing this with us. Please let us know how you get on. I might be too hesitant to ask but I will be thinking of you.

I hope everyone's calm and safe tonight, whether drinking or not x

[Fairenuff]

Bproud I will certainly light a candle, just let me know when x