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is masturbating min twice a week normal way to relieve stress?

(29 Posts)
mazza1974 Thu 23-Feb-12 10:34:22

my dh masturbates a lot sometimes to porn sometimes without - he says it is a way to relieve stress - does your dh is this normal

sonicrainboom Thu 23-Feb-12 10:37:29

I, a woman, do it to relieve stress. I don't use porn though. Does it bother you that he is doing it alone? Does the porn part bother you?

mazza1974 Thu 23-Feb-12 10:39:46

I have another thread on here my husband addicted to porn and masturbation just wanted to see what others thought of masturbation bit in general x

Thanks for reply- i know we all masturbate from time to time but do you do it regularly and rely on it to relieve stress

GrownUp2012 Thu 23-Feb-12 10:42:04

It's generally a good way to get sleepy at bedtime, so I do use it in a stress relieving way quite often.

I would only ever find it a problem if it interfered with a good sex life, so if my partner did it to relieve stress instead of us having sex, I might be upset.

BluddyMoFo Thu 23-Feb-12 10:44:34

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MadAboutHotChoc Thu 23-Feb-12 10:44:50

Masturbation is normal and using it to relieve stress is also normal.

But having seen your other thread, the issue with your H is much more serious and only he can address his addiction to porn. As he is refusing to accept he has a problem, you have two options - put up with it or ask him to leave the marriage.

rhibutterfly Thu 23-Feb-12 10:45:47

i do it to get to sleep but not often and if i am having regular sex no masturbation needed , was having very regular sex with my exp but he still said he masturbated sometimes too, it would only bother me if he was masturbating instead of having sex

rhibutterfly Thu 23-Feb-12 10:47:25

just saw the porn bit, that would bother me if it was a regular occurance

sonicrainboom Thu 23-Feb-12 10:48:28

Oh, I didn't see your other thread. So the problem is his porn addiction. A guy wanking twice a week, that's normal, but if he gets all obsessive and porn addicted and never gets it on with you then that's a problem.

pluto75 Thu 23-Feb-12 12:30:26

Mine wanks twice a day shock, is that too much??? I have another thread about our sexlife probs too. He used to use porn alot and has used it heavily since 14, he has decided to stop using it.

I used to masturbate regularly but not come much, does touching yourself for comfort count?

I dont masturbate now...... should I be doing?

KatAndKit Thu 23-Feb-12 12:32:58

Twice a week is hardly a lot. Sometimes you don't want to have sex, you just want a quick release. It's only a problem if it interferes with your sex life.

The porn bit is different. Haven't read your other thread yet so can't say if his use of it is within the "normal" or a sign of a serious problem. It's clearly a problem for you though.

KatAndKit Thu 23-Feb-12 12:35:52

Have now read the OP of your other thread. Not in the slightest bit acceptable or normal. I was imagining a bloke who spent a few minutes twice a week having a wank looking at rudey pictures.

Not a man who put very intimate clips of you on the internet without your consent and then offers your body to complete strangers without consulting you on the matter. He clearly has no respect for you whatsoever. For me that would be a complete and total dealbreaker and i would never have sex with such a man again.

mazza1974 Thu 23-Feb-12 15:21:03

JUST READ THIS ONLINE -

Do you use masturbation to get to sleep?

Another common sign of addiction is dependence on the substance or activity to get to sleep. Usually, though not in all cases, trouble falling asleep means there are unsettled issues that need to be faced before you can sleep calmly. The addicted person feels that s/he cannot face their problems; so they turn to their addiction to help them sleep. Just as people who use alcohol and drugs to fall asleep can't escape their problems, sex can't help the addict escape his or her problems. Unfortunately, many people who use alcohol, drugs or sleeping pills to fall asleep don't believe they have a problem. Many sexually addicted people don't think that dependency on masturbation is a problem. What they don't realize is that masturbation, like eating, or anything else, can become addictive with devastating results.

The reason that overcoming a masturbation addiction adds sexual pleasure to one's life is the same reason that overcoming drugs or alcohol makes one's life better: the person can find more pleasure and enjoyment in real life

KatAndKit Thu 23-Feb-12 16:17:23

Masturbation isn't the problem. Twice a week is not an addiction to wanking.

The real problem is his lack of respect for you and the fact that you don't have a healthy respectful sex life together. If you did, him having a bedtime wank now and then would be fine.

Focus on the real issue.

GrownUp2012 Thu 23-Feb-12 16:44:45

I don't know your original circumstances, but it doesn't sound like this is the right question to ask. Addiction isn't about how many times a week, it's much more complex and asking for general habits of non-addicts isn't going to prove or disprove whether they are an addict or not. An alcoholic might only drink once a week, so might someone with a healthier relationship with alcohol, it's not the regularity that makes you an addict, but the rest of the behaviour surrounding the activity, IMO.

solidgoldbrass Thu 23-Feb-12 16:47:27

That 'addicted to masturbation' piece sounds like something written by a superstitious nutter. There is nothing inherently wrong with having a wank a day, as long as you are not wanking and sexually rejecting your partner, if you have one. I don't think it's wanking that is this man's problem.

mazza1974 Thu 23-Feb-12 17:52:47

sorry i have another thread running that explains more - i was just asking the question to see what everyones perception of masturbation is - everyone has a different idea of what is healthy and what is not x

birdsofshoreandsea Thu 23-Feb-12 17:57:30

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mazza1974 Thu 23-Feb-12 18:34:03

Although eating starts out as a natural experience, it can become an addiction. Masturbation like any other natural experience can also become addictive.

Not every person who masturbates is addicted to it. But, if you are addicted to masturbation, you've developed a sexual addiction.

Hopefully, you aren't sexually addicted. If you are, don't look at yourself as if you are an evil pervert. Don't drown yourself in shame. Look at sexual addiction as a personal problem. Be glad you are aware of it. Be glad you want to do something about it.

If there is any addiction that is virtually denied on all levels it is compulsive masturbation.

It is socially acceptable and even encouraged for people to admit other addictions like alcohol, drugs, eating, work, fetishes, promiscuity, phone sex, etc. But the person addicted to masturbation is shunned. In fact, in most cases s/he will be told, "You're not addicted. Masturbation is just another form of sex. Don't worry about it."

Most people discover masturbation in puberty. Some don't discover it until their early adulthood. Along with their discovery of masturbation they encounter the fear mongering that tells them, "Masturbation is a sin." "Masturbation will make you go blind." "Masturbation is not natural," and other misinformed rants.

The advice offered by the defenders of masturbation is just as foolish. The advice can be summed up in one phrase: "If it feels good, do it." They refuse to admit that masturbation can be used addictively. The profession in most denial about addictive masturbation is psychotherapy. For a very long time addicted masturbators have told their therapists, "I have a problem with masturbation." The advice given was, "Masturbation is natural. You don't have a problem."

But eating is also natural; so is work. They can be used addictively and so can masturbation.

One problem with addictive masturbation is that it is non-relationship sex. Instead of healthy, loving sex with another person, compulsive masturbation leads to shallow, fantasy-based sex alone.

Some addicted masturbators completely avoid intimate relationships. Most seek out intimacy and discover that their addiction to having sex alone conflicts with their need for genuine, loving intimacy

MadAboutHotChoc Thu 23-Feb-12 19:00:40

What point are you trying to make Mazza?

I think you really need to focus on the main issue - that your H's behaviour is appalling and very worrying, not only is he addicted to porn and has posted your pics all over the internet but also he does not seem to think there is a problem...

solidgoldbrass Thu 23-Feb-12 20:09:46

There is nothing wrong with preferring masturbation to intimate relationships, as long as you are not actually having a relationship with a partner. Couple-relationships are not compulsory and some people would prefer to avoid them. If you are single you can wank as much as you want and that is not a problem.

I haven't read your other thread AFAIK but I would advise you against seeking out crackpot anti-masturbation propaganda if your problem is an abusive man in the house.

HappyHubbie Thu 23-Feb-12 20:31:00

It's fine as a supplement to normal sex, but not as a replacement. I've got a higher sex drive than my DW so I am happy to make up the difference myself. If we're doing it 2/3 times a week then I won't, I'd rather have the real thing.

madonnawhore Thu 23-Feb-12 20:42:46

This thread reads like you're desperately clutching at straws, trying to find a way to justify your H's shitty behaviour so you don't have to do anything about it because it's too scary.

This is all a red herring. Your H is a vile twat and your life would be a million times better without him in it.

mazza1974 Thu 23-Feb-12 22:02:33

i dont know what point im trying to make i suppose im trying to justify his behavior but dnt know who to - i am so confused i dont know what to do - im looking into seperation/divorce options

LeBOF Thu 23-Feb-12 22:06:58

Forget about the wanking. Concentrate on the relationship and whether you want to still be in it.

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