how could he :(

[chocoraisin]

I've just come 'home' after staying with my parents for a month, having found out about the OW the week after NY. I'm 17 weeks pg, with an 18mo DS.

So I'm back at the place I have shared with H for nearly 4 years, and our neighbours (who are lovely and devastated on mine and DS's behalf) brought me pizza for tea to be supportive. I stupidly asked them if she had been seen here. H has sworn blind he wouldn't do anything in our home. I know I shouldn't have asked, think I was stupid enough to be looking for reassurance.

Apparently they regularly see her leaving in the morning in the month I've been away. AND heard them having sex. My neighbour could have sugar coated it, but to be fair, I asked and she was so embarrassed and upset for me I know it was one of those 'oh god she put me on the spot, crap I'll just blurt it out' moments, not said to hurt me.

We share a one bed flat. He has had sex with her in our bed. Next to our sons cot. Below our wedding photo on the wall. And she knows I'm pregnant.

How could he? Never mind what kind of a skank she must be to be ok with that. He has been texting/calling this month acting like we can be instant best friends... and perfect 'coparents'... but my trust in him is shattered. I hate the thought of being near him. I literally feel sick about having no option but to sleep in that bed tonight.

I don't know what to do :( I just need some hand holding tonight please.

To top it off, DS is exhausted but after a month away won't settle in his cot and just shrieks when I put him down so I'm looking at another long, broken night. 'Daddy' is due to visit tomorrow for his contact time.

I can't believe what's happened to my life :(

[EirikurNoromaour]

Oh my god what a pair of disgusting shits. I am so sorry :(

[scarletforya]

Oh God OP, that is sickening. What a worthless prick. I would tell you to turn the mattress but it mighn't be the best idea with you being pregnant.

Is this a rented or owned flat?

[ChickensGoMeh]

I am so very sorry. Your hurt is palpable. Just know this: you will get over this. You will be happy again. And he is not deserving of you.

[FabbyChic]

Jesus thats really bad, so sorry you had to come home and find that out. What type of woman does that? Sleeps in another womans bed when she is pregnant too.

[chocoraisin]

owned :( It's going on the market but I have no choice other than living here til mat leave kicks in at the earliest.

thank you for the hand holding :(

just another night to cry myself to sleep

[scarletforya]

oh God. He is a heartless, ammoral dirtbag.

I'm so sorry OP. I'm really outraged and sad on your behalf.

[kodachrome]

Oh I'm sorry.

I'd probably co-sleep tonight.

I would make him take ds out for contact tomorrow and either get some rest while they're out or pack up and set fire to all ex's stuff.

[slowginny]

Oh my goodness sweetheart, you are going through the wars aren't you. Take a deep breath and try and relax as much as you can (given the circumstances).

You are going to get through this but you are going to have to be very tough and do what you gotta to get through.

Sending you a huge hug right now, keep everyone close to you and contact Gingerbread to find out where your nearest friendship group is for some like minded folk who've been there (well some of them)
xxx

[cutteduppear]

So sorry. Heart wrenching and terrible for you.

[midwife99]

So sorry love. I hope your friends & family in real life can give you practical support & a shoulder to cry on. Karma will do its magic & one day, when his children ask him how he could have abandoned them when you were pregnant he will finally face the reality of what he has done. By then you will have a wonderful man by your side & he will have no one who will ever trust him.

[arghmyear]

I am so sorry OP. I know how this feels and your H and the OW are disgusting people, barely worthy of being called human beings. When you are crying and on your own at night, try to remember that you will get through this one day. It will be tough but you will survive and things will get better for you.

[Livergirl1981]

I am so sorry I am here to hold your hand you just concentrate on you and your ds xx

[LadyMedea]

What a total and utter shitbag....

< >

[chocoraisin]

thank you all :( just sobbing on my sofa with exhausted DS who is also crying right now. I just feel like I can't take another betrayal, and to him - it's like nothing has happened. He can't understand one tiny part of what he's done to me, our children, nothing. I just feel so drained of energy and alone. Thank god for MN though, because I just cant pick up the phone tonight to talk. I appreciate everyone who has taken the time to reply x

[midwife99]

Sleep with your baby tonight - he senses your distress & if you can cuddle up together that would be good for both of you - and then tomorrow - insist your ex removes the bed he betrayed you in & gives you money for a new one.

[elinorbellowed]

I'm so sorry, you poor thing. Hug your lovely boy and remember how great he is. Stick on a DVD and cuddle him all night, it'll be fine for once and you can have a quiet day tomorrow. You will get through this. You will get through this.
holds hand too

[GeekLove]

Are you able to collect do umentation and copies of bank statements? If you have a joint account ask of you. An freeze it or failing that empty it. Are you receiving legal advice?
So sorry you are going through this but someone capable of this doesn't understand that other peoples needs matter as much as his.

[PoppadumPreach]

really, really sorry to hear what you have been through - it's hard to imagine someone behaving in such an inhumane and insensitive way. though it will be hard to see it now, you will be well rid of him.

more virtual hugs from here.....xx

[AThingInYourLife]

So sorry :(

What utter scumbags they are, the pair of them.

[GeekLove]

Stupid iPhone. I meant if you have a joint account either freeze it or empty it.

[TheHouseofMirth]

Poor you, that really is shitty.

It will get better though. My best friend's husband left her for OW half his age when she was just about to give birth to DC2. Three years down the line she is now re-married to a lovely, lovely man and ExH is living in a skanky bedsit on his own.

And take comfort from the fact you will never be a fraction of the idiot he is.

[chocoraisin]

have given up putting ds to bed and just have a duvet for us both on the sofa. cant bear to even go in the bedroom anymore :(

I want to cancel contact tomorrow so I dont have to face him but I dont want to get in trouble for that :( my FIL has been horrible and warned me not to use my son as a weapon against his!

[M0naLisa]

OH sweetheart what a wanker :(

Is your FIL aware of how vile HIS SON has been towards you and YOUR SON?
Sleeping with the OW in the marital bed. Id do what a PP said and tell him to remove the disgusting bed and replace it TODAY!
HUGS hun xxx

[chocoraisin]

DS Finally asleep.

FIL also walked out on his first marriage, leaving a wife with 2 under 2. I guess I shouldn't be surprised he thinks this is all normal and acceptable :(

H just doesn't deserve to be near us. I don't know how I will ever be able to accept him as a good dad again after this... I know people do. But right now I just think he's incapable of being a decent human being and I don't want someone so selfish and toxic near my kids. Help me understand how you get past this kind of betrayal :( I don't want to punish my kids for his mistakes but I just don't know how you get over it