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What women want from a relationship: the definitive Mumsnet list?

(138 Posts)
GeraldineMumsnet (MNHQ) Wed 11-Jan-12 12:24:08

We're putting together some Relationships content based on issues that recur in this Talk topic. We thought a print-it-out-and-pin-it-on-the-fridge type list of what you want from a relationship would be useful and interesting - and possibly surprising for your other half!

So what do you need from your 'significant other' in order to feel content with your relationship? Please share...

Thank you.

NewYearsDaysie Fri 24-Feb-12 14:44:41

Someone who helps me and supports me in achieving my goals. DH has expressed concern over my weight after I brought it up (health NOT looks before any of you step on the how dare he band wagon) and he has joined me on the eating pattern and exercise.
Trust, laughter and the ability to relax and ve yourself around eachother.

hathorinareddress Fri 24-Feb-12 14:25:02

I want

Someone who appreciates me as I am and doesn't want to change me

Someone who pulls their weight and does their fair share

Someone who listens to me

Someone who makes me laugh

Someone who makes my knees weak every time he comes into the room and with whom I have mind blowing sex

Someone who values me

DP is all of those and he makes the brews and brings me chocolate.

What's not to love?

PogueMahone Fri 24-Feb-12 14:19:38

WannabeMegMarch that was beautiful. I am destroyed.

drfayray Sun 15-Jan-12 10:34:05

Just out of a 25 year long marriage where DH left me and the kids for another woman...hmmmm

I would like

a handsome face
fit body
and abs I can trace my finger round.


You betcha.

lovesadirtylie Sun 15-Jan-12 01:14:53

intellectual compatibility

struwelpeter Sat 14-Jan-12 21:27:19

Haven't read the whole thread but and in this order:
Understanding and Compassion
Because respect is the basis of any good relationship between human beings; no one is perfect and can ever live up to another person's ideals whatever they are and the communication because when the respect stumbles, the understanding falters and the compassion gets eaten away then communication is the only way to get back to the other two or agree to part with as least harm as possible to each other and any children involved.

Sparks1 Sat 14-Jan-12 19:29:27

I don't wish to derail what seems to me is a great thread but i'm disgusted by the insinuation that males do not suffer DV or infidelity.

How ironic that such comments sit side by side with other threads where females complain there is a lack of decent males. wink

MrsWembley Sat 14-Jan-12 19:20:57

Youllbe Your first paragraph in your last post is confusing me. Dadsnet has got a topic full of sad stories and their lives are not full of happiness and light or it hasn't and their lives are?

Alouisee Sat 14-Jan-12 19:10:58

As long as I'm treated like an absolute Goddess all is fine in my world.

Youllbewaiting Sat 14-Jan-12 17:23:58

There isn't a topic on Dadsnet full of sad stories. Do you think men's lives are full of happiness and light?

I think women should be glad they've an outlet like MN, men do not have this.

But if MN was 50-50 male-female I'm sure they'd be just as many sad stories from men.

HoudiniHissy Sat 14-Jan-12 16:46:07

Incidentally, on Dadsnet, is there a relationships topic that is full of gut-wrenchingly sad threads usually about either infidelity or domestic violence?

So many women here are accepting SUCH goddawful behaviour for the sake of a relationship, or for the kids or fear of being single etc.

IF just ONE person realises that they are supposed to hold out for more, they are supposed to be respected, treated with kindness and compassion, to be admired, to be loved... then this thread is worth doing.

So IF there are MNers that think this thread is a waste of time, then bully for them! Go them! Have a sodding banana!... hmm They clearly have FF all to worry about, and even less compassion for their fellow human beings go haunt chat or somewhere more fluffy

There are plenty MORE that DO see a point to a thread that raises awareness of a partner's entitlement to fairness, kindness and respect. EVERYONE should live happy in their relationships, or have the freedom to do something about it.

MrsWembley Sat 14-Jan-12 11:50:30

What Malificence said!

<Blows raspberry>

Yama Sat 14-Jan-12 11:08:36

Good post Pickgo. 'What women want ...' reminds me of that crap Mel Gibson film. 'What people want from a relationship' might not be such a step back in time.

molly3478 Sat 14-Jan-12 10:21:41

love, trust, always to be there for you and put you first, work hard both at home and in a job, be baby crazy so when you have kids wants to do everything with them (thats how you get a man who does everything at home imo), great sex, attractive, best friends, have lots of common interests and just generally love being in each others company.

Dont need a list though already got this man and it didnt take any effort or changing the person

Malificence Sat 14-Jan-12 10:14:35

Way to suck all the fun out of a thread pickgo. biscuit

It's a good thing to have high standards and if it makes some women realise that men can have all these attributes and more then perhaps they'll stop settling for a sub standard partner because, you know, they're only men , they can't help themselves, the poor, testosterone driven fools. wink

Pickgo Sat 14-Jan-12 01:20:27

I think this thread is a riduculous idea. It makes me cringe.

Firstly because 'what women want' implies that women are a monolithic entity that will all want the same things, rather than individuals. It is the essentialist view, woman defined by biology.

It also seems to imply the same thing about relationships... as though the person you have a relationship with is insignificant in themselves, it's just what you want out of any relationship.

Secondly, the question plays into all the old gender stereotypes - 'put the list on the fridge and you never know your luck girlies the god man in your life might just happen to glance at it'. Of course the fact that it's the fridge (as a domestic appliance) also is consistent with the gender stereotype of the female realm being home and kitchen.

The question itself also positions women as being the 'wanting' ones in a relationship.... gives us all something to nag him about I suppose.

Does it have to be a question that perpetuates all the myths of the gender wars? Do women have to want something different from men in a relationship?

There are billions of people in the world, when two of them come together surely what they want from each other should have something to do with the characteristics of the unique individuals that they are.

Here MNHQ have one of these biscuit

EllenandBump Fri 13-Jan-12 23:17:46

And some of us dont want much. Just someone to love me, accept me for who i am and not expect me to change and to love my son as much as they do me. We are a package deal, cant have one without the other. Honesty too. But not much especially as most people on here either want to have children or already have them!

timetoask Fri 13-Jan-12 19:19:47

To share my moral principles
To keep himself healthy both in body and spirit
To support me emotionally and in my choices
To be educated

BasilRathbone Fri 13-Jan-12 19:15:48

Go off and do one in Dadsnet Maleview.

I'm sure we'll all be fascinated. grin

maleview70 Fri 13-Jan-12 19:13:55

Jesus some of you dont want much do you!

Be interesting to see a similar list made by men!

TopHun Fri 13-Jan-12 14:37:27

I meant to also say I think a similar outlook on finances is important too, certainly makes life easier if you both agree on how much to save vs spend. And a similar outlook on enjoying life while you can vs saving for a rainy day, and delayed gratification.

TopHun Fri 13-Jan-12 12:44:57

Crystals, no pressure, DH is just himself, and effortlessly is those things I was looking for.

Youllbewaiting, yes, I believe I do. I don't expect any more from my partner than I can give back.
Anyway, hands off, he's mine! smile

Basil, quite.

GeraldineMumsnet (MNHQ) Fri 13-Jan-12 11:10:14


It is a good thread and sorry if I was cynical.

I can see it in the Daily Mail though grin

Imitation is sincerest form of flattery and all that <puts arm over thread to stop people copying>

BasilRathbone Fri 13-Jan-12 10:41:34

I don't think it's that many wonderful traits, it just looks a lot when set down all in one go all together, but I bet loads of people could tick boxes that describe their partners in those complimentary terms. You don't usually discuss most of the positive aspects of yourself/ partner/ friend all in one go, so it just looks loads when all together IYSWIM.

If you had a list of adjectives, activities and character traits, I bet you could tick a whole lot more. (And I bet you could also tick loads of negatives which would look dreadful on the page, but when spaced out over time amid all the positives, are actually perfectly bearable.)

Youllbewaiting Fri 13-Jan-12 08:06:06

TopHun- Do you have all those traits as well?
I'm a man (and not gay) and I think I'd marry him.

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