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What women want from a relationship: the definitive Mumsnet list?

(138 Posts)
GeraldineMumsnet (MNHQ) Wed 11-Jan-12 12:24:08

We're putting together some Relationships content based on issues that recur in this Talk topic. We thought a print-it-out-and-pin-it-on-the-fridge type list of what you want from a relationship would be useful and interesting - and possibly surprising for your other half!

So what do you need from your 'significant other' in order to feel content with your relationship? Please share...

Thank you.

MrsJAlfredPrufrock Wed 11-Jan-12 15:15:09

To say "I like your new shoes" without sarcasm and without asking about the cost.

Tigerbomb Wed 11-Jan-12 15:16:40

WannabeMegMarch totally summed it up for me.

I'm lucky that I have that kind of relationship

Big fat willy and great in bed is also a must

myTHINyear Wed 11-Jan-12 15:20:20

To not fart on me in bed when I'm stroking his back! angry

To appreciate things I do to create a nice environment for us

To not get defensive when I need to address an issue i.e money/housework/food shopping

To at least for one hour not be plugged in to a laptop or phone

To make me a coffee in the morning grin

seaofyou Wed 11-Jan-12 15:31:48

do DIY
mow the grass
put the rubbish out
answer the door to the window/gas etc sales peolpe
walk the dog (what dog!) when corrie/eastenders is on
wash the car

can't think of nought else as they all lie and cheat anyway!

coffeeinbed Wed 11-Jan-12 15:37:31

Must love My Dog.
Sorry, make that adore.
Also - companionship, make me laugh, respect - don't try and think he knows what's best for me if only I'd realised that!
good sex.
no whinging

SecondRow Wed 11-Jan-12 15:40:30

I think I am out of step here as I'm surprised to see so many serious replies. As a discussion thread of course it's a question worthy of discussing but as sort of "fixed" reference content on MN - what's it for? So that you can point men to it and say "here's the definitive list"? It's not at all like health or pregnancy or even style and beauty content in that way is it? I think I'm missing something...

(By the way I do read relationships a good bit and think it is amazingly helpful to lots of people - but that's because it's advice tailored to each poster.)

mouldyironingboard Wed 11-Jan-12 16:01:34

No relationship can survive for long without these - I found out the hard way in my past life!

Intimacy (both emotional and physical)
Willingness to communicate
Ability to manage money (whatever the income level)

My lovely DH is all of the above and I feel like the luckiest woman in the world!

ElephantsAndMiasmas Wed 11-Jan-12 16:04:48

- Someone who I know is as much of a capable adult than I am (or hopefully more so grin), and doesn't need instruction or me to stand over him to pack a suitcase/make lunch/organise a trip etc.

- Someone who is quick-witted and not only "gets" the things I say, but surprises me (er, in a good way) with funny stuff he says.

- Kind-hearted and generally a fan of people and dogs.

- Someone I fancy the pants right right off, and who is brilliant in bed.

- Someone who makes really good tea very often

- Someone with good ideas about how to spend leisure time that don't just involve watching TV or drinking.

Becaroooo Wed 11-Jan-12 16:08:08

Ability to laugh at himself
Pure filth in bed

There you go!

sunshineoutdoors Wed 11-Jan-12 16:15:55

That special spark where even though you've lived together for some time and had a baby and seen each other in all sorts of states, you still look at them sometimes and get a jolt and just think 'wow!'

oikopolis Wed 11-Jan-12 16:18:07

Patience. This is huge.

Unflappability. I can't be around someone who has meltdowns when things go wrong.


The ability to accept and appreciate loving gestures.

The ability to delay gratification in order to reap a richer reward.

oikopolis Wed 11-Jan-12 16:19:36

...and observant. I can't cope with someone who doesn't notice that the dishes need doing/the baby's face needs wiping/the bins haven't been taken out for three weeks

Panfriedstardust Wed 11-Jan-12 16:34:14

Kindness to others

Willingness to change


Ability to laugh at self



But most of all...nice legs.grin

Cazzymaddy Wed 11-Jan-12 17:04:35

Not shouting like a toddler when life gets hard
Doing some some of the housework without being a martyr about it afterwards
Accepting sometimes you are wrong
Acting his age not a 2 yrs old
Not blaming other people for every single thing
Being faithful
Being honest

Oh well, probably never gonna get all those things - time to move on methinks!

Prunella79 Wed 11-Jan-12 17:53:02

the ability and inclination to continue to look after himself after living together - he was perfectly capable of doing so before so why is he suddenly so incapable?
be open and communicate - we'll all rub along better if we understand what's going on/has happened with each other.
otherwise just be himself - there are reasons why i fell for him in the first place and i wouldn't want him to change to meet some false idealised vision, anything that's not ideal i am capable of coming to terms with, or if there's openness we can discuss and work through

EllenandBump Wed 11-Jan-12 17:55:31

The ability to make me laugh, to be honest, to treat me like a princess (ie with respect) and to love and adore me AND my son. Also someone who will listen to me and plenty of cuddling up on the sofa with a film or tele or even a game. A closeness and to feel loved.

Seems like all the nice guys are gone though.....maybe one day. x

mrscoleridge Wed 11-Jan-12 18:04:29

Someone who is switched on/interested in the world
Someone cultured and pref. well read and intelligent in general
Sense of humour a must
Likes kids/animals
Good in bed obv
Someone who can do stuff in the house without being 'told'/given a list
Pref tidy

OriginalJamie Wed 11-Jan-12 18:10:55

Someone who is kind and respectful to other people, not just me
Someone who is good at oral stuff
Someone who can bring himself to say sorry - the actual word

tethersend Wed 11-Jan-12 18:27:21

That thing that you can't put into words.


Panfriedstardust Wed 11-Jan-12 18:33:07

No it isn't that tethers - it's that other thing.

ToothbrushThief Wed 11-Jan-12 18:41:25

Bucharest Wed 11-Jan-12 13:27:37

For each and every man to have a lengthy and grueling interview with Anyfucker before they are allowed anywhere near a vagina?

Bucharest Wed 11-Jan-12 13:29:19

Actually, my top serious one is this:

To never forget that I was a woman, and a fairly independent one at that (with my own brain and everything)for 30+ years before I met Handsome Swain.

That has not and and will not change, just because I have put his pants in the washing machine

Yes, yes, yes and

To never act 'for me' without asking me what I want.

Charbon Wed 11-Jan-12 19:25:45

I think the entire premise for this project is flawed though, because it pre-supposes that women in relationships want different things to men. The term 'other half' also brings me out in hives. People are individuals in their own right, not halves of a whole.

Been with my partner for decades and have often discussed what we want and need from the other and there are no differences. They are:

Fidelity (sexual, emotional and financial)
Great sex
Time spent as a couple and as a family, as well as the freedom to be individuals with our own friends and interests
Support for eachother's aspirations
Active listening
Shared responsibility for financial, household and parenting decisions
Equal value given to eachother's work (esp when one of us was the primary child-carer)
Equal leisure time and equal division of boring tasks

tethersend Wed 11-Jan-12 19:35:26

Ah. The other thing. Of course.

lazarusb Wed 11-Jan-12 19:41:07

Trust, respect, honesty. Shared values and goals. Understanding, support, friendship. Laughter. Great, great, REGULAR sex.

But more than anything right now....I want him NOT to have paid the Council Tax into the wrong account so that we wouldn't have been threatened with court proceedings while I am doing a Law degree!! Especially as I had to sort it out because he was at work <twit DH emotion>

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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