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What women want from a relationship: the definitive Mumsnet list?

(138 Posts)
GeraldineMumsnet (MNHQ) Wed 11-Jan-12 12:24:08

We're putting together some Relationships content based on issues that recur in this Talk topic. We thought a print-it-out-and-pin-it-on-the-fridge type list of what you want from a relationship would be useful and interesting - and possibly surprising for your other half!

So what do you need from your 'significant other' in order to feel content with your relationship? Please share...

Thank you.

MorrisZapp Wed 11-Jan-12 13:41:00

Wanting the same stuff that you do. Shared dreams, values and priorities.

KnowYourself Wed 11-Jan-12 13:41:41

Sex?? What's that?? wink sad

marge2 Wed 11-Jan-12 13:43:01

Sex - remember? That unpleasant chore??

TheCrunchUnderfoot Wed 11-Jan-12 13:48:36

Ooh yes That. Doing the Business.

Disgusting grin

BearWith Wed 11-Jan-12 13:53:23

Ohh yes, and - more or less the same moral/ethical/spiritual framework, not super similar but enough overlap to mean you kind of 'get' each other and don't feel lonely or defensive about what you believe or how you choose to live your life. Not having to explain everything all the time because you are poles apart on an inner level.

Chubfuddler Wed 11-Jan-12 13:56:48

Funny how someone wants the household chores shared, but wants their partner to do the "man jobs".

Love and support, respect, honesty. Being a team. Remembering to be kind to one another All the details that make it work flow if you start from good first principles.

marge2 Wed 11-Jan-12 13:57:34

My ideal partner is someone who doesn;t think he is doing me a favour by doing some of the housework. Who doesn't consider he is "babysitting" while alone with his own children.

Who will repeat himself if I don't hear him first time round without calling me a deaf git and then shouting at me.

Who will share some of 'his' money with me without asking for a spreadsheet explaining why I need help paying for all the food, my car costs, household items everything child related, etc etc on my part time wage.

Who will chat with me without putting me down at every opportunity.

Who will say 'there there - poor you' if I have a bad day rather than just implying I must have done something wrong.

...and he wonders why I don't enjoy sex with him???

Oh dear am I whingeing?? I'll go away now.

Boysrstupid Wed 11-Jan-12 13:58:13

A Galaxy Ripple from the garage when he fills the (my) car with petrol.

<easily pleased singleton>

MistyMountainHop Wed 11-Jan-12 14:00:34

equality - a man doing his fair share not just "helping" hmm

great with kids



hard working

good with money





have hobbies and his own social life

very good standards of personal hygiene

good teeth

nice hair

sexy looking

and, above all, good - no, GREAT - in bed wink

MistyMountainHop Wed 11-Jan-12 14:01:11

i don't want much do i grin

(am smug pleased to say DH ticks pretty much all those boxes!)

MrsJAlfredPrufrock Wed 11-Jan-12 14:02:26

Someone who doesn't call out the wrong answers during University Challenge.

Alphafemale Wed 11-Jan-12 14:03:16

Absolute equality in terms of childcare / chores / the boring stuff that goes with life and kids

And that includes the headspace stuff, so thinking about babysitters/book bags/tedious shite

Kindness and compassion


Good sense of humour / ability to laugh

Shared moral compass

Sexual prowess

MrsMicawber Wed 11-Jan-12 14:05:24

Thanks, boys! I've had to ring DH to ask him to pic up some chocolate for me on the way home
<licks lips>
<worries about hips>

EnjoyResponsibly Wed 11-Jan-12 14:05:59


Bucharest Wed 11-Jan-12 14:07:15

Takes socks off first when That There Mucky Stuff <Les Dawson lips> is on the agenda.

Choclatespread Wed 11-Jan-12 14:07:40

I'm glad I'm not the only one.

To do things like housework, babysitting etc by himself, without being -told- to do it all the time.

WannabeMegMarch Wed 11-Jan-12 14:08:00

Its what I want from every significant relationship- respect that I am an adult human being with wonderful experience of life; to listen to my point of view and be able to articulate your own without either needed to dominate; to be capable of receiving love in all its forms and give it back in multitudes too
A person who understands that in life we all have days when we are net givers to humanity and days when we are net takers; can be a tree I can lean on when life is blowing me off my feet and who takes my hand when I hold it out to help you.
I want to be able to wake up early, and enjoy the dawn alone with my cup of tea and I want to lie in bed late snuggling.
I want to stay in to watch Panorama and discuss the contents; and I want to go out to the cinema; and I want to be entranced and uplifted by the beauty of a musical recital and have you sit with me through it all. And I will learn an appreciation of what stirs you.
I want a person who stimulates and challenges; and introduces a new way of looking at the world; but shares my values. Someone who speaks and understands the language of a look, or a shift of the body or an unconcious gesture that leaks out what I feel.

And I want someone who, when the end comes, I can look at and who will see the me as the sum of all the good I did in the world and who will offer a true and heartfelt eulogy of what I achieved; who will hold my hand when the fear fills my nostrils and eyes and who I will believe when they tell me 'it will be ok'. Someone to whom I can entrust the libraries of my mind in the hope that not all of me will be extinguished.
Someone who when offered all of this realises that this is special; that a companion who gives and receives all of this is a treasure to be polished and appreciated.

singingprincess Wed 11-Jan-12 14:08:58

Love and respect....everything else comes from those things doesn't it?

flatbellyfella Wed 11-Jan-12 14:09:00

In my mind I tick most of those boxes, maybe it is to good to be true & that's why I am a singleton . grin

ballstoit Wed 11-Jan-12 14:09:58

To listen to me moaning about my family without joining's okay for me to criticise my Mum. It is not okay for someone else to criticise her.

To put the family's needs before those of the bookie, local landlord or his mates.


To be able to disagree without it becoming a huge argument, with swearing, shouting and sulking for a week after.

CrystalsAreCool Wed 11-Jan-12 14:19:30

oh DITTO to Bertie's - i like the geek bit! grin

As well as most of what others have said I've found it really important to be with someone who is able to see where they're wrong, apologise and then make a change. DP's big saving grace is that he is so earnest about doing the right thing, he has a conscience so even if he behaves twattishly it's short lived and he recognsies it.

Also, he challenges me and is assertive in return. I wouldn't want someone who let me walk all over them, or if i didn't know what he was thinking. DP is so open, talks about everything, his feelings, shortcomings, goals, doubts etc. That's so valuable to me as well, i'd find a closed book hard work.

Boysrstupid Wed 11-Jan-12 14:23:42

Your welcome Mrs Micawber Sod the hips you can work it off later when you 'reward' his wonderfulness.

MrsJAlfredPrufrock Wed 11-Jan-12 14:25:27

Alphafemale Oh yes to sharing the headspace stuff.

This would be pretty much my ideal man:

Strip our bed from time to time and remake it with lovely freshly laundered bedding.

Ditto the children's beds.

He would say: I discussed Show & Tell with A and she's going to do it about dinosaurs. We went through all the things she has and what she might say. We put some plastic dinosaurs and the Nat Hist Museum book in a carrier bag in the boot room hanging high on a peg. It's labelled Show & Tell.

He would call at 11am on friday and say I've organised a babysitter for hs eve and booked to go to x (inexpensive) for a meal and a bottle of wine or he would call and say I've booked a babysitter fr this eve - what shall we see at the cinema?

He would sometimes say I've done all the school paperwork, consent forms, lunch money stuff and sewn in the Cash's name tapes.

BleatingRose Wed 11-Jan-12 14:33:50

Ah but my 'time-to-time' would be every 5 days or so... his would be every March hmm

MrsMicawber Wed 11-Jan-12 14:39:19

I shall have to fit in an extra special workout!

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