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What women want from a relationship: the definitive Mumsnet list?

(138 Posts)
GeraldineMumsnet (MNHQ) Wed 11-Jan-12 12:24:08

We're putting together some Relationships content based on issues that recur in this Talk topic. We thought a print-it-out-and-pin-it-on-the-fridge type list of what you want from a relationship would be useful and interesting - and possibly surprising for your other half!

So what do you need from your 'significant other' in order to feel content with your relationship? Please share...

Thank you.

MrsMangoBiscuit Wed 11-Jan-12 12:31:12

Shared responsibilty for the things we're jointly responsible for! "Helping out" is crap, it's his job too, so I would like him to do his share of housework/pack a bag for DD when we're going out/cook a meal without being prompted, and without having to check everything with me first! <and breathe!>

Hugs! (I do get a lot of these smile )

Keep making me laugh!

angelintraining Wed 11-Jan-12 12:38:03

in an ideal world the man would share the chores and bringing up of a child.

agree with mrsmango - for him to do some house work because he wants to help not because he been asked!

to do the manly things around the house, like putting a shelf up in the same month you asked him to.

sooo many, will be funny to see other posts grin)

ItsMeAndMyPuppyNow Wed 11-Jan-12 12:40:48


lubeybooby Wed 11-Jan-12 12:45:57

Oh! I'm a demanding bugger. In no perticular order:

Love, loyalty, humour and fun, kindness and thought, integrity, trust, affection, respect, communication and support.

(should add - any man capable of all those who happens to be my significant other will get the same back from me!)

justonemorejingle Wed 11-Jan-12 12:46:03

To not have to ask where the nappies are after 6 months of living in the same flat and have always been kept in the same place.
Only one symptom of a wider malaise!

lubeybooby Wed 11-Jan-12 12:46:23

argh, particular*

ouryve Wed 11-Jan-12 12:47:31

To be treated as an equal, whatever our roles.

Not a surprise to my DH, though, since he does that anyhow.

Malificence Wed 11-Jan-12 12:48:26

Respect, first and foremost, you can't have a good relationship without it.
Emotional intelligence and strength.
I think that's the "holy trinity", everything else just naturally flows from those .

The ability to bake great cakes and be fantastic in bed are plus points too. wink

Someone who'll dispose humanely of gigantic spiders grin

CailinDana Wed 11-Jan-12 12:59:25

The ability to make a good cup of tea smile
<easily pleased>

PosieParker Wed 11-Jan-12 13:00:39

Ability to listen

screamadelica Wed 11-Jan-12 13:05:32

Shared responsibility

Rebekmah Wed 11-Jan-12 13:16:17

Respect, honesty, trust.
The ability to pick up the 3 pairs of his shoes currently being ignored by the front door :/

KnowYourself Wed 11-Jan-12 13:26:54

Respect and real shared responsability of the house/dcs (so not doing something only when asked but being able to be proactive about it).

I would have before added emotional support and being affectionate. As it turns out, it seems more and more likely that DH has AS and I've had had to acknowledge I do need to review my list. So instead the one thing that is on my top three is
always doing your best to enhance the relationship

Bucharest Wed 11-Jan-12 13:27:37

For each and every man to have a lengthy and grueling interview with Anyfucker before they are allowed anywhere near a vagina?


The ability to be able to (not even simultaneously, one action after the other would suffice, I don't expect much) close a wardrobe door after extracting an item of clothing would be lovely.

And never, no not never, even in his subconscious thoughts ever to even consider, for a nanosecond, saying "well, my mother........"

And no white socks. Or brown trousers. Or moustaches. Or pants with cartoon characters on.

And all the serious stuff that everyone else will say later.

Bucharest Wed 11-Jan-12 13:29:19

Actually, my top serious one is this:

To never forget that I was a woman, and a fairly independent one at that (with my own brain and everything)for 30+ years before I met Handsome Swain.

That has not and and will not change, just because I have put his pants in the washing machine.

BertieBotts Wed 11-Jan-12 13:31:45

To see me as a person first, rather than a woman first

Friendship, laughs, shared interests

If we're living together, to feel like we approach life, all important, most semi-important and some trivial decisions as a team, not just that we're two people who happen to share a house and maybe ask each others' opinions on the really big things.

Someone who is kind

It helps if they're a massive geek too grin

marge2 Wed 11-Jan-12 13:32:31

Anyone else notice only one person so far has mentioned good sex?

BearWith Wed 11-Jan-12 13:33:42

Yes yes, using own initiative to help without being asked.

A sense of humour, especially when things are really dire. But in a 'laughing with' rather than 'laughing at' sense, obviously.

Complete openness and honesty.

Respect and equality.

A commitment to personal growth. This is a biggie for me. If both people aren't aware of their flaws and committed to bettering themselves, things get pretty ugly no matter how compatible you are/fancy each other etc.

Commitment to the relationship; actually wanting to be in one with you, and voting with their feet rather than pretty flowery words or, indeed, flowers. Showing you each day in big or small ways that they love you, they care and they want to be with you. Like asking you if you'd like a cuppa when you get in and then putting the shopping away. Without being asked.

I'm on to a good one, just now grin

Bucharest Wed 11-Jan-12 13:35:03

If someone promised me I wouldn't have to bother with sex at all, I'd be shoving Handsome Swain down a mineshaft quicksharp.

SarahStratton Wed 11-Jan-12 13:37:41

And a big fat willy grin

Bucharest Wed 11-Jan-12 13:38:26

<sends Handsome Swain to SarahS>

MrsMicawber Wed 11-Jan-12 13:38:49

Hate it when people refer to men doing houseowrk as helping

Some one with the same goals as me

Bucharest Wed 11-Jan-12 13:39:09

(no need to return, use him as you would a disposable contactlens)

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