I've met an incredible man completely unexpectedly.
We started as friends and as we got to know each other within a group of people I started telling them about a DV charity I'm involved in so they all knew vaguely about my background.
This man showed compassion and interest and a desire to help, which moved our friendship forward and we began seeing more of each other without the rest of our mutual friends. It has now turned into a lot more than friendship and I couldn't be happier.
Our conversations often lead back to my insecurities and hang ups that I developed over the decade I spent with my ex. New man finds it really hard to understand abuse, both as a perpetrator and 'victim' (I hate that word). I've tried to explain the cycle of abuse and the mentality that sets in: always striving to do whatever it takes to make the perpetrator happy, make them love you more, make them proud of you etc. For example he doesn't understand why I still had sex with my ex when I knew I didn't love him.
Is it possible that he'll ever really get it or should we both just accept that it's something you can only really understand if you've lived with it? To be honest I don't think I mind either way but he's one of those people who really tries to understand everything so he's got a complete picture. I don't want to feel I'm having to justify myself to him, not that he's wanting me to do that but it sometimes feels that way.
He's a great reader. Do you think giving him the Lundy Bankroft book would help?
Advice will be gratefully received. Thank you.
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Relationships
New relationship after leaving abusive marriage. Advice would be great.
5 replies
LeoTheLateBloomer · 07/01/2012 06:12
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