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Relationships

DH wants to cut contact with family

4 replies

Funnyface89 · 06/12/2011 13:23

We were round at my Inlaws this weekend (MIL and Step-FIL) as it was SFILs birthday. My DS is 6 months old and the time we were invited round for was his usual nap time so when we got there i tried to get him to sleep on me which he usual does as when he doesn't nap he gets really grumpy.

MIL started poking his feet and trying to get his attention and when i said he just needed a quick 30 mins nap she reliped with "no because BIL and SIL will be here soon". BIL and SIL arrived and accepted that i was trying to get DS to nap and didnt bother him but FIL got a toy and started to whirl it infront of DS to get his attention.

By now DS woudnt sleep and was happy to smile and giggle at everyone for 10 mins before he got grumpy and overtired and started to cry. Step-FIL suggested he was missing his bed and to just take him home. I said i would try and calm him down in the hallway. My DH came into the hall after about mins and said he was just gonna say we would take him home as he was overtired.

My Step-FIL then told my Dh that next time I wasn't invited as I was causing trouble by not letting then play with DS (like i said if he does not stick to his routine he is grumpy for days and he only needed half hour to get him through till we got home). Anyway my DH said "no you cant treat FF89 like that" at which point Step-FIL grabbed DH and took a swing at him. Luckly BIL got in the way to stop it. This was all infront of my DS who I took outside as quick as i could.

Anyway now DH is saying he wants nothing to do with my PIL and they will never see DS again. I agree that they will not see him unless me and DH are there and I don't really want my DS around people who behave like this but I feel really guilty about cutting grandparents out of DS life.

They have never liked me and I am relived in a way to not have to see them but you see so many threads about grandparents not being involved that i feel DS may resent us when he is older.

What would you do if it was you? (sorry its so long - didnt want to drip-feed)

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Fluffycloudland77 · 06/12/2011 13:34

He tried to punch your dh?? Not surprised he doesnt want to see them again.

It's not exactly normal is it?. I cut contact with my parents for less.

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AttilaTheMeerkat · 06/12/2011 13:36

"I don't really want my DS around people who behave like this but I feel really guilty about cutting grandparents out of DS life".

Sod feeling guilty; that emotion is useless - and also totally misplaced here. You also likely come from a family where this type of familial dysfunction is unknown and you want to be seen as reasonable (hence perhaps why you have put up with uneasy familial relations for so long). Unfortunately as you have seen now all too clearly, dysfunctional people do not play by the "normal" rules governing familial relations.

Your son won't miss out on these two anyway and particularly if you have other nice family relations.

What would these two people actually bring into your son;'s life anyway; they sound particularly unpleasant and have scant idea of boundaries and he's only a few months old. They won't behave any better as they become older and could even try and use your child against you by badmouthing you as Mummy to their grandson. They both tried to railroad you consistently into abiding by what they wanted (i.e to keep your son awake for them to show off to your BIL and SIL). Your H has a stepdad who was more than happy to take a swing at him for daring to defend you!. What does that say about that man as a person; I'd want to stay away.

Think yourself fortunate that your DH has stepped up to the plate and has decided to put you and your DS first and decisively so too. Not all men would have done what your DH has decided to do and I would support his decision wholeheartedly.

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Funnyface89 · 06/12/2011 13:55

Yes i was really grateful to DH for standing for me as in the past he hasnt which upset me and he obviously took my this on board.

Deep down iam glad DH made this decision so i didnt have to continue to see them. i guess i just feel guilty because i wanted DS to have a good relationship with all his family but then my idea of family is not behaving like this.

Thank you for your take on things I will of course sipport my DH and having had outside views on it realise i should try not to feel guilty.

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Malificence · 06/12/2011 14:08

Good for your DH! Too many men seem oblivious to their wives being bullied by their family , you've got a good one there. Smile
Your son doesn't need selfish grandparents, especially a violent one.

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