Just split up with DP and don't know what to do now

[ICantDoHandstands]

NameChanged

Last night I split up with DP after nearly 5 years together. We got together very young. It was a tiny thing that tipped me over the edge to end it, but was because basically he's unreliable, immature and 'scared' of the future. However, I still love him so much, and he's my best friend, and day to day things were good - although starting to deteriorate. We live together, and will have to live together until at least mid next year (due to uni/work commitments and that family are v far away and that we can't afford to rent alone). We've decided to try and remain close friends because we don't want to end this horribly.

However, I just feel so empty inside, its as if I'm 'grieving' (sorry can't think of the right word), for the relationship we should of had - twice we nearly got engaged, but he chickened out, rather than the relationship we really had. I felt I gave him everything I could and supported him through everything and 'my everything' wasn't good enough, which has made me feel like shit. He's sleeping in the next room from now on, and has said he will work hard to show he can be mature and reliable, but will be here as my friend and would love to get back with me if I'll let him.

Now I've just read through this and it sounds like such a non problem. I feel totally numb, think I'm still in shock a bit (millionth time I've tried to end it). I feel scared and alone and am already regretting it. I don't want to tell family etc (one friend knows) for a couple of weeks. Basically now that I've done it my mind won't let me remember the shitty things he's done and the ways he's let me down. (Don't want to do too much detail inc ase its identifiable to my friends but he's done things including squandering our joint finances on tat, claiming to have a porn addiction and running up massive bills on our landline, compulsively lying over things whether it be what he had for tea (i mean why bother??) to much bigger things, amongst a ton of other stuff).

Sorry for the ramble I just want to talk it all through with someone, before he comes back from work later, cos i really thought we were going to grow old together :(

[buzzswellington]

Could you not find yourself a house-share and he find a lodger or the other way round? I think it'll be hard to not fall back into the relationship or move on with life if you're still living under the same roof.

You might also find it useful to write down the reasons you have ended the relationship to remind you so you don't minimise what he did and strengthen your resolve.

I'm sorry you're feeling so low, but it sounds like it's the best decision. He's unlikely to become the man you thought he was. And grieving is the right word.

[FabbyChic]

You will go through a period of grieving its natural and during that process you will see all the good things, and think of what might have been. Once the fog clears you will be stronger and remember the bad stuff and remember why you split up.

You gave your all yet it wasn't enough.

I hope you are keeping your money to yourself now and letting him stand on his own two feet, you are not his mother, but just his friend now.

Talk about future partners at some point because that will have to be discussed.

Take time for you and get used to being you again rather than someones other half.

[ICantDoHandstands]

A house share would be much simpler but we have a dog together (who I'm keeping), so doubt i'll be able to find one. also im in the last few months of my degree and if i move somewhere crap it could wreck everything.

im going to write stuff down tonight thanks.

i think im dealing with it ok because im thinking if he doesnt change then i know iv made the right decision and iv not lost anything, however if he does change then brillliant. but its not going to happen is it? i dont think i can trust him again, but ye. i cant even go and 'hibernate' in a friends house/neither can he, because our friends live too far from our jobs. im just so sad.

[PiratecatClaus]

can't you get a lodger, is it a 2 bed place. you could keep the dog then he could leave.

there is no way you will make a break from each other, if you live together!! It's not going to work, and you could end up deadly enemies.

If say you are meant to be together, then right now you need to split properly if that makes sense. Time apart properly. I really think you need and deserve this op.

[ICantDoHandstands]

Oh, and yes all money kept to myself now.. that was exactly it-he moved out from one mother to another it felt. i want to talk to him about so much stuff when he gets home e.g. right how does this work, but worried il blub everywhere. also we were spending xmas day together, but feel if we tell people they family wil expect us to go back to our respective families-dont want to cos mine arent great.

[ICantDoHandstands]

cross post. il think seriously about the moving out thing.

[EricNorthmansMistress]

Www.spareroom.co.uk
He moves out, someone else moves in. You cannot be separated but live together (believe me, I tried)

[EricNorthmansMistress]

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