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Complaining (prob depressed?) DH getting hard on me

5 replies

Hypermutley · 04/12/2011 16:10

I hope i dont come across as being hearless but need to talk.

DH has been unemployed nearly 3 years and been in a job 3 weeks now. He's had quite a few jobs over the years (he's a professional) and his friends do joke about it. Almost every job has been either 'boring', 'too intense' or 'hasnt got on with boss'. In the 3 years he was unemployed he could have got a job if he really wanted to. He presumes, and jundges the job and people sometimes based on trivial things before he even met them. Now he's complaining about this job and the new boss. Now i want to scream and think i've had enough of this crap but cant say it like that to him cos i dont want to hurt him or make things worse for him.

This year was hard for me cos I lost my dad, had a hard time with a new boss so found another job which actually worked out better money wise although not what i expected it to be. I could not grieve for my dad for some reason and still dont feel i have, not properly.

I am really getting fed up with his constant rantings and complaning and i want to tell him to stop. How do i do this without sending him over whatever edge he's on? Can anyone with experience in similar situations please help.

Thanks

OP posts:

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Eurostar · 04/12/2011 16:41

It sounds like your DH is suffering from a bout of self-entitlement, don't know about depression. Most of us in this world are not lucky enough to find a job we love with people we look forward to being with every day. Somehow he seems to think he doesn't need to put up with the rubbish that most of us do in every day life. You yourself are not attending to your needs as you are apparently busy attending to his, and perhaps the rest of the family? I think you should start worrying about yourself before your unexpressed emotions spill out in the wrong ways/at the wrong time.

There's lots of research that shows that positive psychology lifts people. Would he consider therapy? If he is very self-entitled and thinks everyone else is wrong and he is right, he may well not. If he is open to it, maybe it could help him start to restructure his very negative outlook and inability to tolerate the boredoms of everyday working life.

I don't think there's anything wrong in saying, you are bringing me down with your consistently negative outlook on life, please would you go to the GP and request access to therapy....

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Trifle · 04/12/2011 16:50

Lots of people work in jobs that they don't particularly enjoy. Why has he got this huge sense of entitlement that unless it rocks his world he isn't going to help support the family.

How did you survive financially with him being a lazy twat for 3 years.

Why is his ego so fragile you can't tell him to shut the fuck up and quit moaning.

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ImperialBlether · 04/12/2011 16:51

There's nothing worse than living with someone who complains constantly about his job. My ex was like that and I lost a lot of respect for him. He didn't give up his job or even look for another, but just moaned and moaned.

I don't know what to suggest, unfortunately. I wonder how he thinks he would manage if he was unemployed and alone. I'd be tempted to put that to him.

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TooEasilyTempted · 04/12/2011 18:00

What brought you to the conclusion that he's probably depressed, rather than he's just a lazy cunt?

Tell him straight you're sick of his whining and if he doesn't wish to financially contribute to the household by shock horror, working for a living, he should fuck off and find somewhere else that he can live for free.

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Hypermutley · 04/12/2011 21:45

Thanks for all your advise. I just told him! I said I cant help but laugh at ppl who are 'stressed' and 'depressed' because of work related issues cos work comes with options to get by and get out, unlike illness of a loved one. So he has to chose the lesser of evils, being unemployed or keeping this job and having a plan 3/6/12 months to do what needs to be done to get on with it. I think i may have been depressed during my school days (never diagnosed tho) and he knows about this, so i also told him he was really stressing me out with his behaviour and it probably wont take much for me to snap. I've asked he learns to be practical, if this job cant work then make a plan to either make it work or find another job, but not let it stress him out or get depressed about it.

Entitlement - hmm interesting never thought of it that way. Always thought he was being impractical about fnding fault with everyone and ranting and whinging about his jobs. He's not at all like this at home, very patient and generous and accepting of people....

Also, he had confidence with work issues which i believe are misplaced (same profession as me so i know he's good) recently. i made him see a hypnotherapist and he did eventually, after he got this job as was so worked up about it!

He's actually done quite well in his life and worked hard to achieve this (ranting and raving all the way tho) so i cant really say he's lazy before, but i do feel he's been lazy about finding work this time. We bought the house together but all of the deposit was his, so I will be moving if it came to it. He's made (used to) But i do love the daft arse, so unlikely to leave him.... might floor him one of these days though!