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I've just kicked my boyfriend out, what do I do now!

(44 Posts)
NewMummyLaura Sat 05-Nov-11 21:19:16

I finally got to breaking point tonight and when we were going to a friends house I said was going to the shop, took the car and the house keys and came home and left him there. It was very selfish to do that to my friends as it has put them in the middle of this situation but I didn't know what else to do. We have a 6 m/o daughter who is luckily at my Mums for the weekend so isn't stuck in the situation at the moment. Our relationship has always had its ups and downs and we only got engaged two months ago but I finally got to breaking point today. It was both our faults and I'm not just blaming him but I got sick of being told I was stupid/an idiot/thick/a b#tch/nasty/evil and many other things. I tried my best to be a good partner and do everything I could as he was the only person working and I stayed at home and looked after l/o but it all got too much tonight and now I don't know what to do. I have looked at the benefits calculator and I know I should be okay financially, to a point, but what about everything else?!

BettyBum Sat 05-Nov-11 21:23:20

Gosh what a decision. Why was he calling you all those names? I guess he will come back when he realizes you are not coming back for him?

beatenbyayellowteacup Sat 05-Nov-11 21:28:48

No healthy relationship has a place for those sorts of names. So well done for taking a stand for you and your DD. It's important that she doesn't now have to grow up watching mummy be treated horribly.

Have you called your friend to fill her in?

How are you going to play it when he comes home? You might need to negotiate a time when he can come and get his things?

Can you pack them up for him to collect? Or drop them off at a friend's house?

Does he have keys to your house? You'll need to get the locks changed if he won't give the keys back (and you are sure he hasn't had any copied).

Is he likely to get violent?

NewMummyLaura Sat 05-Nov-11 21:31:59

I am a b#tch sometimes and I know that, but it is very often provoked, he doesn't seem to understand if he left me alone sometimes I wouldn't be that way. He probably calls me all of those names because he knows it gets to me as am I am not thick/stupid etc. Oh and another new one of his which I forgot to mention 'boring'. The only problem I have at the moment is he didn't take his wallet out with him and has no cash as Natwest has gone down today so we have had no access to any money. I don't want him to come home but he has no money and no means of getting money and I feel awful that he is at my friends house. I just don't know what to do! ARGH!

NewMummyLaura Sat 05-Nov-11 21:34:58

He isn't likely to get violent, but I have informed my Mum of the situation and told her that if he manages to get to hers not to let him have l/o just in case. I have the house key, he has no wallet, no money, no car key. i feel I am be unreasonable in a way but I didn't know what else to do as he said that if we broke up he wouldn't leave the house which I really don't think would work. I feel I must stress that it's not all his fault but I couldn't take the strain anymore.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow Sat 05-Nov-11 21:36:13

first things first

who owns the home that you live in or if it is rented, who'se name is on the lease?

beatenbyayellowteacup Sat 05-Nov-11 21:36:26

Have you called your friend yet?

unavailable Sat 05-Nov-11 21:36:53

Have you told him?

BettyBum Sat 05-Nov-11 21:38:01

I have been using my natwest card just fine today, do you know if he has actually tried to get cash out? I agree that these are horrible names and are not used in good healthy relationships. How long have you been together? Do you want to make it work?

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow Sat 05-Nov-11 21:38:15

It doesn't matter whose fault this is - if you don't want to be in a relationship with him you don't have to. Both people get to decide whether they want the relationship to continue, not just one of the people in it.

stacieariannerhys Sat 05-Nov-11 21:38:49

Hi, Ive only just joined on mums net but i am going through a situation very similar to yourself.
me and my ex separated early this week, and it has been very stressful, but over the next couple of days it will become easier xxxx

NewMummyLaura Sat 05-Nov-11 21:39:18

it is a council property, it is in both names but I am the Primary tenant. I don't want to call my friend because I don't want an argument, it seems cowardly but so far tonight I have managed to stay pretty calm. Yes he knows whats going on, he keeps asking me to go and pick him up.

NewMummyLaura Sat 05-Nov-11 21:41:54

Online banking/telephone banking is not working and the money we have is in an online saver! The main thing I'm worried about at this second in time is if I really should go and pick him up, he has no access to money or transport other than my friend bringing him home which they obviously don't wish to do as he would be here by now!

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow Sat 05-Nov-11 21:42:57

if he is texting you asking you to pick him up you send him a text back explaining you won't be doing that, you don't wish to continue in the relationship, you don't want him to return to the house and that you are now switching your phone off until the morning.

Before you switch your phone off you could ring the local police station for some advice. Are you worried he will come back and start ranting and raving?

What is a primary tenant as opposed to a tenant?

NewMummyLaura Sat 05-Nov-11 21:46:20

well my name went down on the form first so I am primary tenant, they always ask to speak to me so I just presumed that had some kind of preference to him. he has text to say he is no longer at my friends house.

NewMummyLaura Sat 05-Nov-11 21:47:45

ha, he is no longer at my friends house as they have gone to the bonfire, yes really bothered isn't he?!

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow Sat 05-Nov-11 21:49:17

i think if your both named tenants he has every right to be there, legally.

Can you go to your mums tonight?

beatenbyayellowteacup Sat 05-Nov-11 21:49:35

Does he actually know that the relationship is over?

unavailable Sat 05-Nov-11 21:49:51

I will ask again...

Have you told him you have "kicked him out?"

NewMummyLaura Sat 05-Nov-11 21:50:26

I could but I don't want too, our relationship is just back on track after a long time of problems so I don't want her too involved if you understand me. Thank you though.

MrFawkesMan Sat 05-Nov-11 21:51:40

How do I put this...

Do any of your friends call you a drama queen?

NewMummyLaura Sat 05-Nov-11 21:52:21

no. but thank you for being understanding.

BettyBum Sat 05-Nov-11 21:52:47

Ok, so maybe he is not taking you seriously? "Gone to the bonfire..." Sounds odd. How long have you been together?

NewMummyLaura Sat 05-Nov-11 21:53:30

sorry, yes I have told him he is out and I don't want him to live here anymore.

NewMummyLaura Sat 05-Nov-11 21:55:09

We have been together for 4 and a half years with a 7 month gap last year when we separated. But in that time that was the only time we actually split up. We're not in the habit of breaking up and getting back together every other week.

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