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how can I be a happy singleton?

(15 Posts)
MrsMiniver Mon 24-Oct-11 21:56:45

I'm aged 54, divorced 4 years with a DD of 11. In that time I've had a couple of relationships that didn't work out and have been single for well over a year. I thought I was on top of it (being single that is) but have recently started to feel really down about being on my own. I've had it with internet dating and know my chances of meeting anyone are very slim.

I'd really like to finally let go of the dream of being with someone and truly embrace my life as a singleton but I just can't seem to do it. It's as if I have this great big ache buried deep down inside which won't go away. I'd love to know that there are some single MNers out there who are happy with their lot smile

Kayano Mon 24-Oct-11 22:01:07

My friend was always on the look to meet someone. Finally decided just to relax and enjoy
The freedom.

Signed up for a few evening classes inc. cookery and met their new long term partner wink
His advice was to just stop worrying about it! What is going to happen will happen, relax, have fun and get out and about grin

cyb Mon 24-Oct-11 22:01:08

How about realising you won't be given happiness by someone else, and you have to make it yourself. Do what makes you happy, if its holidays take them, if its decorating, do it.

If you keep thinking life is half empty it will be

I'm married btw but have a good single friend who is always full of beans, loves her freedom and independence, she pleases herself all the time and most of us are envy

FabbyChic Mon 24-Oct-11 22:12:41

Hey it really is easy, you have to be comfortable with your own company.

I can sit in the house all weekend alone and do, just me and the dog. And not feel the need to talk to someone. I can amuse myself and that's what you have to endeavour to achieve, not needing to talk or be with people.

MrsMiniver Mon 24-Oct-11 22:32:01

So being alone but not lonely? Sounds good Fabby. How often do you see friends?

FabbyChic Mon 24-Oct-11 22:35:55

Mrs I don't have any friends, I moved here 7 years ago and it's all close knit, I met someone it went very bad very quickly, I had my children then, from then on I introverted, has an internet emotional affair that lasted 3 years, culminated in a breakdown, severe depression. FIve months ago I got myself a full time job, I have good work colleagues one is awesome she makes me laugh we get on great. From leaving at 7am for work and not getting home till almost 6pm there is no time for anything else. When it comes to the weekends I just chill out, tidy my house, catch up on TV.

If I had friends that would be great cos I'd have something to fill Saturday evening, I'd say that I don't have any other time cos when I get hime I just want to chill in the week.

If you have friends honey you don't need a man.

I've BPD for me it means relationships don't go right cos of my behaviour, not having any emotional ties with the opposite sex then means my life is easier.

MooncupGoddess Mon 24-Oct-11 22:40:45

I am single and happy smile The secret is lots of nice friends and interesting things to do. Do you have friends, OP? What do you like doing in your spare time?

TDada Mon 24-Oct-11 22:43:35

Lots of married people are unhappy so please don't thionk that marriage and happiness are strongly correlated....think of it this way; everyday you have glorious uncertainty and possibility, plus flexibility

MrsMiniver Mon 24-Oct-11 22:47:50

Thank you for sharing so much Fabby. I have only a couple of good friends, I'm very private and have a tendency to introversion. I think too many people deplete me and make me feel uncomfortable.

My relationships have never gone right either and I've suffered from anxiety/depression also. Work is my saviour and I have some lovely colleagues too. I would love a a dog and Westies are my favourite! (had a look at your profile). But I already have a cat and don't want to run the risk of her running off.

It's nice to know that there are people out there who value their solitude.

FabbyChic Mon 24-Oct-11 23:08:52

I never thought I would, Im a people person, always had loads of friends in Essex where I lived before. Always on the phone or out partying, clubbing, drinking. I like being comfortable in my own skin though, never thought I would, took time.

MrsMiniver Mon 24-Oct-11 23:16:31

Ah, I remember those days too, I was a real party animal.

Nice to have made your acquaintance and am going to bed feeling a bit more positive.

FabbyChic Mon 24-Oct-11 23:22:03

Hey sleep well, and be positive, tomorrow is after all another day.

Come chat sometime or PM me if you so wish.

Take care x

SolidGoldVampireBat Mon 24-Oct-11 23:56:35

I'm single and happy. I have a weekly dance class and am friends with everyone else in the team and there are fairly frequent social activities with them; I see other friends maybe once a month and chat with people online, and I genuinely like my own company. Do you do any kind of regular activity that involves being with other people OP? If not, think about what you'd like to do and see if there's a club locally that does it - could be brass rubbing, learning a language, sport, a book group...Or get involved with a charity or campaigning group, they are another good way to make new friends.

MrsMiniver Tue 25-Oct-11 08:40:59

Good tips Solid. I do volunteer as a bereavement visitor and am looking for a book group. I probably need to make more effort with my existing friends and stop waiting for them to suggest things to do. What do you like to do when you're on your own? And do you ever miss having a man?

And thanks Fabby, will see you soon I hope x

SolidGoldVampireBat Tue 25-Oct-11 13:44:04

Another tip: join groups, clubs that are about sharing a common interest other than wanting to make new friends. You want something that attracts a fair few people, because the more people, the more diversity of people, and because a lot of mundanes are Noahs Arkers and therefore not good friends and not worth the effort, the wider the range of people, the more friends you can make.

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