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Is texting repeatedly EA?

(28 Posts)
NeedABrew Mon 24-Oct-11 21:56:08

My ex keeps pestering me by text basically. It's a complicated set up and I have been on the verge of getting back together with him, but there have been a few red flags.

Basically 8 text messages in the space of an hour, ranging from 'where are you?', 'are you ignoring me?', 'you always do this', 'you don't care', 'come round tonight or never again', 'chance over', 'proved you don't care again'.

All while I've been in the bath with a glass of wine and Adele on. Glad my phone was on silent. Is this a sign of someone that cares or is it bordering abusive? I can't see the wood for the trees.

fannybanjo Mon 24-Oct-11 21:57:54

It's obsessive behaviour and controlling also. Red flags would be full sail...

wannaBe Mon 24-Oct-11 21:58:10

not abusive but certainly over possessive/clingy/insecure...

change your number and run for the hills. Presumably he's your ex for a reason?

pollyblue Mon 24-Oct-11 21:58:19

Honestly? 8 texts in a hour would suggest fruit loop to me.

Is this the norm for him?

Kayano Mon 24-Oct-11 21:58:44


bubblegumpop Mon 24-Oct-11 21:58:53

HE is e a yes. Don't go back.

MigratingCoconuts Mon 24-Oct-11 21:59:48

run! run away!!!

you are lucky to be out of the abuse. Don't let yourself go back.

fannybanjo Mon 24-Oct-11 21:59:50

Usually EX is an EX for good reason and 99% of the time should remain an EX!

RabbitPie Mon 24-Oct-11 22:00:21

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

GreenBlueRed Mon 24-Oct-11 22:00:33

Even if it not emotional abuse (I would class it as that, but you don't need a label necessarily), surely you don't want to be with someone so utterly irritating and needy? Not a sign of someone that cares, but someone who wants to control you.

stripeybumpinthenight Mon 24-Oct-11 22:01:10

Please don't even think about getting back with him - he's trying to control you for sure! Tell him to stop contacting you and ignore if he starts banging on about how he can't live without you and all that shit <been there>

RandomMess Mon 24-Oct-11 22:01:39

If he's an Ex why he is texting you any of that??????

mrspnut Mon 24-Oct-11 22:01:48

Run away, not a good sign and why take the chance.

StewieGriffinsMom Mon 24-Oct-11 22:01:51

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NeedABrew Mon 24-Oct-11 22:03:13

Thank you for the reassurance. Yes exes are exes for a reason, just hard when someone has that control over you. Just didn't know if I was being OTT, so at least I know it's obsessive at best.

This is the norm yes. If I don't reply quick enough - within 5 minutes, I get more texts. Sometimes while I'm tapping out a reply.

madonnawhore Mon 24-Oct-11 22:04:07

Woah. Red flagsville, population him.

FabbyChic Mon 24-Oct-11 22:13:39

I used to do this, its emotional blackmail is what it is.

ItsMeAndMyPumpkinNow Mon 24-Oct-11 22:21:05

Change your phone number and e-mail address. Ignore any contact. Don't even justify to him why you are cutting contact -- that's just one more emotional hook into you that he'll try and use. There is NO way that this behavior is that of someone who "cares". Run away, lay low and stay away.

FabbyChic Mon 24-Oct-11 22:27:52

He has abandonment issues, when he feels you don't care he goes text crazy.

HerScaryness Mon 24-Oct-11 22:28:34

Stop replying.

You are feeding his need for your attention.

Don't reward bad behaviour with a reaction.

If you do text him, don't answer him, just compose a message that says

We are over, there is no need for you to text me. Please move on with your life as I have done.

[evil] grin

send the same message again and again if you have to, to a maximum of 1x a day

Otherwise, yes do as Puppy/Pumpkin says

squeakyfreakytoy Mon 24-Oct-11 22:29:25

It is harrassment from someone who is insecure, controlling, possessive, jealous, and needy.

Are you really thinking of getting back with him? confused

LeBOOOf Mon 24-Oct-11 22:32:54

I wouldn't say abandonment issues- more like control issues. You'd be very unwise to get back together, from what you have described.

Bossybritches22 Mon 24-Oct-11 22:34:25

Get another number.

Or you can get the phone company to block his number.

BertieBotts Mon 24-Oct-11 22:39:09

It's harrassment. Do you have DC with him? If so, send a message back "Please stop texting me unless it is about access arrangements. I will not reply to any other messages."

If not, either get the phone company to block his number or try the same thing. "You are harrassing me. Please stop texting or I will contact the police." And do! He has no reason to be doing this - it's intended to wear you down. Are you worried about him? Don't be. He's most likely got friends he can harrass until they take pity on him call on. If not, he'll get drunk and pull some other poor woman. I feel sorry for her! He certainly won't be mooning around after you, however much he gives the impression of it. This isn't about missing you - this is about winning.

tallwivghoulies Tue 25-Oct-11 00:05:48

Has anyone suggested a red flag emoticon? In the meantime op - wine

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