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DH completely different with me (in a good way) when dcs not around..

(2 Posts)
minxofmancunia Sun 23-Oct-11 15:56:27

Dcs gave gone to Grannys' for the weekend. Usual weekend when they're here consists of both of us v busy, dh snapping at me, ignoring me, making snippy comments if I dare as so much open the laptop and just being generally irritable and stressy. Rarely offers even to make a brew and makes a huge fuss over everything ie "i've been up since7!" "I've done 2 loads of washing already!" "I've made 2 meals this weekend!" rah rah rah (he works away all week at the mo, I do all the domestic drudgery shite all week on my own as well as work and childcare and don't make a big deal of it, it's the life I've chosen).

However, dcs away he gets up, makes me a brew brings me breakfast in bed, makes a nice lunch, all willingly with a smile on his face. Has no issue with me reading or going on the laptop or even watching x factor on catch up (usually have to listen to some bad tempered rant about how can "an intelligent person like me be into this shit" etc.etc). I've also been able to talk to him about this, reasonably. Usually anything he percieves as "having a go" is met with a rant and he shouts over me doesn't allow me to speak. He admitted to find having the dcs around very stressful, and I pointed out that when we're all the house he doesn't have to be interacting with them all the time, he can talk to me too, and tell dd in particular not to shout/interrupt when I'm trying to have a conversation with him. He's v v devoted to them...almost too much. And as a result when he's here they're very stressy around him commanding his attention constantly which he gives and I get accused of "not joining in" if I pick a paper up or go into another room.

I feel like I've got my old dh back, the one where we used to really get on, who was pleasant and personable. When I came back from church he'd even tidied the whole house and was reluctant to go out mountain biking because he wanted to stay and talk to me. I've told him I can't take the stressy horrible him much longer, he's got to try to relax more around the dcs not be so frenetic, separate from them a bit so we can chat without dds constant babble which means I inevitably get ignored.

However I know next weekend it'll be back to stress head, and it'll be shit all over again. sad

ionysis Mon 24-Oct-11 07:41:55

How much time do you spend together as a couple during the week? Do your kis have a set (early) bedtime so you and DH can have a glass of wine and wind down in the evenings? How often do you get a babysitter and take a night just the two of you?

I appreciate it can be hard to make time for each other with work and kids and babysitters are expensive but it is VITAL for both of your sanity and your marriage that you don't forget about each other and get to be together as a couple not just as stressed parents.

Before I had children I thought the whole "date night" thing was an awful americanism and felt sorry for people who needed to schedule intimacy in that way. Hah! If only I'd known what it was like to juggle full time work with babies I'd have been a lot more sympathetic to the concept.

My H and I eat together every night after bedtime (7pm) but often we found we just watched TV and used the laptop so we weren't actually interacting. So we decided every wednesday evening would be "no TV night". Sometimes we get a babysitter and go out (not often though because its expenisve and we are often tired). Sometimes if the weather is good we light some candles out in the garden and eat outside. Sometimes we play stupid board games like battleship (he used to be in the Navy!) or scrabble which we fight about like children and cheat in. It sounds silly but it just makes us reconnect because we are actually properly devoting time to each other not just happening to be sat in the same room.

Is there a way you could work your shedules and the kids routines so you get to spend more quality time together like this weekend?

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