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MIXED Signals!!

(102 Posts)
jen45 Sat 22-Oct-11 23:57:46

Im married but unhappy and not in love. I met a man in a shop where i work and we swapped phone numbers. he came to visit me and within mins asked me for sex..I got freaked and said no. He came to visit again after i called him to say sorry. this time i came on to him but he freaked out!!..now he avoids me and wont come into the shop...Help whats happened. I really like this guy.

HopeEternal Sun 23-Oct-11 00:29:55

You're married. You're not in a position to swap phone numbers or bodily fluids with anyone else. Sort out your marital status first.

LeBOOOf Sun 23-Oct-11 00:40:12

I'm not quite sure how to answer this...

Can you tell us a bit more about what is going on with your marriage? Because you are unlikely to get dating tips here while that is still an issue

BluddyMoFo Sun 23-Oct-11 00:45:19

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BluddyMoFo Sun 23-Oct-11 00:46:23

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

whattheactualjeff Sun 23-Oct-11 00:55:18

he came to visit me and within mins asked me for sex

I'm not surprised you freaked out who wouldn't. I'm interested to know why you called up and 'came onto him' though. What's going on with you?

Sort you marriage out I would think. Perhaps leave dating till you are happy in yourself I would say. smile

jen45 Sun 23-Oct-11 00:59:51

suppose he caught me unawares. i thought some kind of flirting and want to see me again would be discussed. to be honest im annoyed i didnt go for it now!!....i had my chance for passion and i blew it. i guess i was looking for a reason to realise that my feelings for my hb were gone...

jen45 Sun 23-Oct-11 01:05:17

the truth is...hubby cheated on me for years. he changed his ways after I changed mine. (stopped loving him) and now the tables have turned. Not by any kind of pay back...its just happened. I have fallen for someone else and now ironic as it is, the marriage that i fought to keep for years is now causing me my choices...(to try with someone else).......

jen45 Sun 23-Oct-11 01:12:25

why i called him up after his proposition was i regretted saying NO....I just knew i had made a mistake and now it seems im paying for it. Im even less interested in hubby and the guy i have feelings for is off and running!!....
bet this never happened to my hubby when he was playing .....

tallwivghoulies Sun 23-Oct-11 01:20:12

Take a deep breathe. Re-read what the others have said. Sleep on it. Make a plan. Sponteneity ain't all it's cracked up to be! Look after no 1 x

izzywhizzysfritenite Sun 23-Oct-11 01:23:11

Sex with a stranger doesn't necessarily equate to 'passion' and, if you are an emotionally needy individual, it's more likely to lead to lowered self esteem and more than a modicum of regret than a sating of the erotic senses.

It seems to me that before you 'try with someone else', you're best advised to end your marriage and work on your self-esteem so that you don't make the same mistake twice by picking another serial adulterer.

I do hope that you're not pinning your hopes of trying again on the guy who propositioned you for sex and now won't come into the shop where you're working because, unless you've got a large hook to drag him in and a box to keep him in, I'm afraid you're onto a loser there, honey.

jen45 Sun 23-Oct-11 01:30:20

he made it clear that he wont get involved with me cause im married. isnt that decent??? he cud have had sex but he chose not to so he cant be all that bad???? as for emotionally needy...defo not!!....been in a non sexual, loving marriage for years and it never made me go crazy for hubby at all.....
accepted it as i was better than that....
fact is, ive fell for someone else and i didnt go looking for anyone....its just happened...its life and shit happens....im not meaning to be cold but life is short folks...

izzywhizzysfritenite Sun 23-Oct-11 02:46:03

he made it clear that he wont get involved with me cause im married. isnt that decent???

Decent? Nope, don't think so. I reckon it's more likely that MrSexOnLegs was shit scared your husband would give him a good hiding if he was discovered having a legover with you.

fact is, ive fell for someone else Are you having it off with him, or is he 'decent' too?

Be careful, honey, because the way you're going you may end up with the reputation of being the local bike without having tasted any forbidden fruit.

If you don't suffer from emotional neediness you'll have no problem waiting until your marriage has officially ended before re-inventing yourself as Ms Available Irresistable To All Men, will you?

I've heard that saying about life being short... have you heard the one about what goes around comes around?

squeakyfreakytoy Sun 23-Oct-11 12:07:31

fact is, ive fell for someone else and i didnt go looking for anyone....its just happened

You havent fallen for him. And he certainly hasnt fallen for you. He was looking for a quick shag. Then he realised that you had a lot of baggage so he scarpered. Now he is possibly thinking that a quick shag is still a possibility. Dont let yourself be used.

Yes, life is short, and everyone deserves to be happy, so get out of what sounds like a shit and pointless marriage, and then consider a new relationship.

ionysis Sun 23-Oct-11 12:14:39

100% on everything squeaky said. How much self respect can you have if you are quite happy to go shagging some random you met at work when you're still married?

madonnawhore Sun 23-Oct-11 12:20:15

He sounds a bit sex pest-y actually. Asking you for sex within minutes of getting to your house. How classy!!

The other posters are right. You're married, you're not as easy as he thought you were, now he's lost interest.

Sort your marriage out first before you think about shagging other men you only just met in a shop.

judgingless Sun 23-Oct-11 12:24:46

OP, you say he's decent and he could have had sex but he didn't.

HE WOULD HAVE HAD SEX with you if you had said yes immediately. I presume he didn't know at that stage you are married?

Sounds like a porn film.

cookielove Sun 23-Oct-11 12:25:41

I have to say you that you don't actually sound like you are looking for advice, more that you were hoping that we would agree with you so it would give you permission to go sleep with this man. The life is short comment however true it is, doesn't mean you should hop into bed with every man that asks hmm

You should leave your husband if your not happy, and sort out your 'baggage' before jumping into something else.

judgingless Sun 23-Oct-11 12:26:44

Have you honestly fallen for this particuar shopper?

judgingless Sun 23-Oct-11 12:31:18

particular shopper.

Is there alot of respect in your marriage? Your H has had lots of affairs/or one affair? over many years of being your 'husband'.

Can you see it at all possible to work on your marriage and get back some intimacy with your H?

This passionate encounter may have been a complete let down with the man using you for a quick poke.

izzywhizzysfritenite Sun 23-Oct-11 12:41:25

I'm reading fact is, ive fell for someone else and i didnt go looking for anyone as the mystery shopper having declined the OP's offer and there being another opportunist cruiser on the scene.

Perhaps the OP will clarify whether she's hung up on the 'decent' guy who rejected her late bid for his services or whether she's found another stud dude who's willing to play away?

judgingless Sun 23-Oct-11 12:45:16

OP, don't romanticise too much about the quality of sex with people you don't know.

Will you be okay with keeping it a secret from your husband, or do you not care what you do regarding fidelity, because he has cheated on you long term?

ScareyFairenuff Sun 23-Oct-11 13:00:12

Why are you still with your husband?

No sex, no love, no trust, no respect, no fidelity = no relationship.

jen45 Sun 23-Oct-11 14:36:49

im still with hubby cause i do like him. we are like pals/flatmates...habit as well. been with him for 5 hard years.

AnyPhantomFucker Sun 23-Oct-11 14:41:53

christ on a fucking bike

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