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How do I just...let them go?

(10 Posts)
Rogers1 Sat 22-Oct-11 20:44:03

As my previous threads show...I have big issues with my sisters. They let me down.. put me down & always treat me pretty badly.
Although I often feel....if they weren't my sisters...I wouldn't be their friends....
Please does anyone have any advice how I let then go? I can't take this any more & the impact they have negatively on my life.

DirtyDawg Sat 22-Oct-11 21:10:11

I have fallen out with my youngest sister, in fact she is evil......we live around the corner from each other and sometimes see each other whilst shopping, we walk past each other like strangers........if they make you feel that bad, break all contact, it was a massive weight off my shoulders when I ditched her.....HTH

izzywhizzysfritenite Sat 22-Oct-11 21:28:38

Unfortunately, we can't choose or change the family members that we have - but we can exercise free choice when it comes to having contact with them.

Use your right to choose to sever all ties with your toxic siblings and put the energy you save into yourself and your relationships with others.

Once you've made the decision and begin to adhere to it, you'll feel as if a weight has lifted from your shoulders.

Rogers1 Sat 22-Oct-11 21:37:31

dirtydawg...sorry to hear you are having similar troubles as me. Its so hard isn't it?
izzy...I Appreciate your advice aswell...I have days where I don't hear from them & I do feel free. But this big family fall out has been made worst by the fact it is between me & my big sister (my best friend)...I feel lost without her....despite the put downs u used to get. All 3 of my sisters treat me the same.

DirtyDawg Sat 22-Oct-11 21:42:15

It is rubbish, but the way i see it is Life is too sodding short to have horrible people in my life!

izzywhizzysfritenite Sat 22-Oct-11 22:02:16

It sounds about time you stood up for yourself. If you can't give as good as you get, sever all ties and don't look back - look forward to making new friends, one or two of whom will become your 'best friends' and fill any gap left by your big sister.

If your siblings ask you why you've withdrawn from them tell them that you've had enough of being put down and bullied and that unless they can prove that they are capable of modifying the way they speak to you and the way they treat you, you've concluded that it's best you go your separate ways - and mean it!

Don't get embroiled in yet more hassle over your decision - if asked, just state your intention firmly and use the broken record technique if necessary to get your point across.

Stick to cards at Christmas and birthdays and leave it at that.

springydaffs Sat 22-Oct-11 22:16:16

Just to say - you have my total sympathy OP. I am in the same position as you. I broke off contact with my sisters years ago, then got back in contact because our mum is old and frail and she was upset about the family feud. My sisters are worse than ever - much worse. I never thought in a million years they could be worse than they were.. but here we are, they are worse.

I have gone right down the pan again, just like the old days - it's happened again! some people are poisonous through and through. google sibling abuse and see what comes up? I'm seeing a counsellor (again!) to get some clarity with it all, to break off again. This time for good.

snoopdogg Sat 22-Oct-11 22:34:29

I have two sisters, I'm in the middle, they don't talk to each other and my elder sister has also cut contact with my mother, my father died some time ago.

I was 'used' by all three as a conduit to vent their respective spleens for years until I put my foot down and said 'no more'.

Now I am a conduit for the three of them to share information - since they won't talk to each other.

I have regained 'power' and if any of them ask me to do/say anything I'm not comfortable with I tell them and to be fair to them they respect me for it.

It strikes me, now we're several years down the line with this is that, like small children, they just needed boundaries. My father always maintained the boundaries and when he died it was an extremely unpleasant free for all for about two years until I stepped up and said 'no more'.

So, my advice to you is stand up to them, say no, stick to it, from my own experience it was incredibly easy once I did it.

Don't be the family scapegoat - don't accept the role. You don't have to be their friends, but if they want to be your friends they have to be friendly to you.

Good luck

Rogers1 Sun 23-Oct-11 07:23:38

I can not begin to thank you all so much for your messages. Seeing it all in black & white has made me realise how bad it is....I don't deserve this kind of treatment. I'm sorry for all of you who have gone through the same thing...thank you so much for sharing your stories & for the encouragement. It's just what I needed. Today will be the day.....life is too short. I agree to cutting all ties & limiting it to cards on occasions....
Thank you all once again

ParsleyTheLioness Sun 23-Oct-11 07:31:17

Rogers sometimes you just need to save yourself, and do what it takes.

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