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What do your DP/DHs do around the house?

(38 Posts)
TiarasTimeOutsAndTantrums Fri 21-Oct-11 20:43:26

DP works a 1.5 hour commute away 5 days a week. Leaves at 7am, gets back around 6:30/7pm. I'm a SAHM with 2 toddlers and do all the housework, kids stuff, make DPs lunches for next day, food shop, bath kids, cook the meals. DP doesn't do any of this even at weekends. Is this normal/fair and what do your DPs do or do you expect them to do?

firsttimer78 Fri 21-Oct-11 20:48:12

Mine does, largely, bugger all. He DOES look after DS for some of the week and will half-heartedley do some dishes and/or make the bed (rarely does both) and...that's about it! Drives. Me. Potty. Is the only thing we consistently argue about and I try to leave stuff until he notices but his tolerance level is so far above mine that I seriously would worry for our health if he was put in sole charge of household chores!! Sorry, rant over...

ScareyFairenuff Fri 21-Oct-11 20:51:13

What hours do you work?

upahill Fri 21-Oct-11 20:53:58

He does everything really.
He does the morning stuff - gets the boys up and makes the lunch.
He does the main shop.
We both wash, iron, hoover, clean up although he tends to do the dishwasher stuff.
Dh does most of the homework but I do the English homework.

He does a lot of the running the boys to clubs especially if I am at work
I tend to make the tea but it's nice to get home if I have been on a late and he has made the meal.
Dh will buy the boys uniforms but I tend to buy the boys clothes when I see it.
I pack for the holidays but he will do his own.

He fuels my car for me, I put music on his iPod.
He brings me a brew in bed in the morning while the boys are getting ready.
Neither of us decorate, we get people in for that.
I tend to do my hobbies (if I'm not working on a weekend) but he works most Saturdays. So he will get the boys uniforms ironed Sunday teatime before we go out for tea.
I tend to clean the loo and the bathroom, he cleans out the woodburners and puts the bins out. (kids bring them in)
He pegs the washing out and I put it away.

TiarasTimeOutsAndTantrums Fri 21-Oct-11 20:54:24

I don't work. I've just started my degree through the OU but was curious as to whether him doing fuck all is part of me being a SAHM and what I should expect.
He doesn't look after the DCs at all and never has really.

naturalbaby Fri 21-Oct-11 21:00:02

my dh works and commutes the same hours as yours, i have 3 under 3's.
he does the ironing unless i do it when i have a babysitter to catch up on jobs and housework, he does the dishes after dinner, he cooks or gets a takeaway at the weekend. he helps round up the kids and wrestle them into bed the minute he gets in from work.
basically, when he's home he does anything and everything - kids come first.

ScareyFairenuff Fri 21-Oct-11 21:03:09

Tiaras you do work.

I'm a SAHM with 2 toddlers and do all the housework, kids stuff, make DPs lunches for next day, food shop, bath kids, cook the meals

Childcare, shopping, cooking, cleaning, washing, ironing . . . what hours do you spend on this kind of thing?

Kayano Fri 21-Oct-11 21:04:12

We both work full time
I do washing and ironing and clean bathroom

He cooks, does dishes, bins, cat litter, hoovers etc

startofnewterm Fri 21-Oct-11 21:09:37

Interesting. Up until the last 12 months I was a sahm for 10years. We have 3dc who are now all in full time school. Since being a sahm I have looked after the dc, all housework, all school runs, all after school activities, all shopping, finances, booking holidays, cooking, packed lunches, gardening, cleaning cars. Basically, everything bar washing up in the evenings which dh does.

I am now working 2 days per week and my jobs have stayed the same. Even on the days I work dh doesnt do any more. I think this is a bit unfair but he tends to sulk and its not really worth having a bad atmousphere so I just get on with it. Its not really that its difficult what I do, its just that it would be nice to have a break now and then from these boring jobs.

bibbitybobbitybloodyaxe Fri 21-Oct-11 21:09:55

Dh works about 60 hours a week and I sahm with school age children.

Dh:

Cooks once or twice a week
Loads/unloads dishwasher when it needs doing
Makes the dc packed lunches if he has a day off during the week
Hangs out washing if asked
Brings a few bits of shopping home (most days)
Does bins and recycling
Mows lawn and does gardening when requested
Cleans out guinea pigs if asked
Does all financial stuff
Buys birthday cards and Christmas presents for his family
Buys his own clothes
Will buy children's clothes for me when requested (works in central London)
Irons his own shirts
Hoovers when asked
Helps blitz the house when people come over

I'd like him to do a bit more cooking.

TiarasTimeOutsAndTantrums Fri 21-Oct-11 21:11:01

Most the day as he moans when things aren't done and I'm struggling to keep on top of the housework and remembering to make time for the DCs. And try to study! Which makes me sound like a terrible mother but i changed my ADs and went a bit crap at everything.

startofnewterm Fri 21-Oct-11 21:12:06

And, to be honest, I am so organised that I do think I make it look really easy. On the odd occassion that I have been ill and I have asked him to do a bit extra its such a hassle and I practically have to talk him through each stage and then he leaves such a bloody mess that I may as well have done the job myself anyway.

startofnewterm Fri 21-Oct-11 21:14:08

You've got me thinking now, do you not think that the more you do, the more you are expected to do and the less you are appreciated. For instance, if you only cooked a meal occassionally then they would really appreciate it. The fact that you do it all the time becomes the norm and nothing special for them.

Makiko Fri 21-Oct-11 21:14:31

Message withdrawn

Makiko Fri 21-Oct-11 21:15:50

Message withdrawn

TiarasTimeOutsAndTantrums Fri 21-Oct-11 21:16:19

I did think that but it's easier to do it then get moaned at that it's not done. Like his washing up. It could sit there until he gets in and potentially does it but if i do it then it's done and there's more space in the kitchen!

prioneyes Fri 21-Oct-11 21:19:27

This isn't right, Tiaras sad

My DH works rolling shifts, and has a communt of nearly 1hr. SO he's perpetually tired. But I also work PT and we have two small DC so I am also always tired.

He doesn't do nearly as much around the house as I do, but he does a lot of childcare, a little cooking, some drop-offs and most pick-ups from the CM, most of the outdoor stuff (eg car/garden), and a little DIY. He also has more time to himself so he does the odd lot of hoovering/cleaning. I still feel sometimes he doesn't do enough, or contributes to the mess too much.

Your situation isn't right, and furthermore he moans about it hmm - this is worrying and unreasonable.

ScareyFairenuff Fri 21-Oct-11 21:19:43

Your first priority is to look after the children as that is why you are at home. Presumably, if you didn't have children you would also work full time. You both decided to have kids, you both decided that you would look after them, yes?

Work out how much you would have to pay for childcare if you weren't doing it, then count that as your wage. Also, how much would you pay a cleaner and someone to do your ironing. What about a chauffer and personal shopper? All the things you do have value and are just as important as his work outside of the home so don't accept it if he tries to tell you otherwise.

What it boils down to is you should both work the same hours. Both deal with the children/housework in the morning and evening. Take turns if you need to get up in the night.

If he sits down at 7pm after a hard days work, you should do the same.

he moans when things aren't done - So? Tell him to get on with it then, you're not stopping him.

DoMeDon Fri 21-Oct-11 21:20:10

I personally think it's fair enough he doesn't do owt during the week (although I hope he does bedtime with DC!?) The fact he does nothing at weekends and moans at your level of housework is truly appalling. Cheeky twat.

fivegomadindorset Fri 21-Oct-11 21:20:41

A lot.

scotgirl Fri 21-Oct-11 21:21:37

I think there is a big difference being a SAHM with preschoolers and being a SAHM with school age kids. The former - DH should help out more - looking after preschoolers is tough enough. The latter - 6 hours child free a day - I would expect the house to be taken care of.

Personally I have mixture of the 2, but have always had to do most of it!

LikeABlackFlameCandleBNQ Fri 21-Oct-11 21:23:05

Our LO isn't here yet, but atm, I cook for both of us, when not working late. If I am, I eat at work and DH forages for baked beans on toast food.

He does the bins, feeds and flea treats the cats.

I clean the bathroom, change the bedlinen and put the laundry away, all of which DH just doesnt see and would go without if I popped my clogs. I do the food shopping.

Neither of us do any much housework in the week, and both tend to save it all for the weekend, blast through it for 2 hours then resume our slatternly ways. If I work the weekend, he still does this, so I suppose he does do more. I do it better though wink

Jymjamjen Fri 21-Oct-11 21:23:23

Newly married but been living together for 5+ years so have things pretty sorted. We bith work ful time. Not yet pregnant so at present:
He: walks dog in AM, makes packed lunches, loads/empties dishwasher/washes up, feeds dog, cleans bathroom/kitchen, dusts
I: feed rabbits, do weekly shop, cook dinner,
Share: washing, evening dog walk (normally together), tidying/general cleaning
All in all I'm very lucky and think we do an equal amount around the house. Hopefully this will continue when we have a family

TiarasTimeOutsAndTantrums Fri 21-Oct-11 21:25:28

Errr I think he's done 1 or 2 bedtimes ever and never a bathtime or night feed when they were young.
Apparently it was my choice to have the kids and should have listened to him

Yes he is a cock. No I don't quite no why I'm still with him.

DoMeDon Fri 21-Oct-11 21:27:52

Oh dearie me sad what a cunt!

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