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Lying partner, new baby

(4 Posts)
devuskums Thu 20-Oct-11 22:43:45

Hi, I've been with my partner for 2 years, our baby is 12 weeks old. I found out when baby was 5 weeks old that my partner has a loan which he took out 5 years ago and he has another 5 years to pay. He has always implied that he is a financially secure, honest bloke. Up until I found out I thought he wad a really nice man but now I feel really cheated and upset. I found out because we were going to buy a house together, he waited until we were leaving the house for the appointment with the mortgage broker before telling me about the loan. I've asked him to show me his bank account,which I know he can access online but he says he was waiting for copies of his statements. He refuses to talk about the loan and the fact that he has been lying for our entire relationship. He says he has a communication problem, which he has never had with previous partners. He has started counselling and says the problem is his and i'm not at fault in any way.

I just don't know what to do. He is happy to pretend there is nothing wrong but I am not prepared to do this so when he's at home all we talk about is the baby. He is an attentive, very interested father who dotes on the baby. I am so hurt by this situation I can barely look 6

NotQuiteCockney Fri 21-Oct-11 08:22:53

It sounds difficult. But it does sound like he's realised he has a problem, and is taking steps to sort it out.

He took out the loan before he got together with you, and didn't tell you about it?

Has he shown his bank statements?

Are your finances generally separate?

Does he have a history of lying to you, otherwise?

Pippaandpolly Fri 21-Oct-11 08:48:36

So you've had a conversation about your finances during your relationship in which he deliberately didn't tell you about the loan? If so I'd be pretty mad-and questioning why he didn't feel the need to be honest. But if you haven't had a conversation like that then I think I'd just assume it was his private business-he took it out before you started dating him, presumably he's paying it off and it's not affecting your finances (or not?)... My DH had a loan taken out before we were together, he paid it off-it didn't occur to me to mind at all to be honest as it was his finances and his business.

izzywhizzysfritenite Fri 21-Oct-11 09:09:38

This is your other current post, OP. Maybe you could ask mumsnet to delete this one before it gets confusing:

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