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DH away M-F, anyone else for some moral support?!(14 Posts)
Yeah, I'm in the same boat. I still find it hard at times, but much easier now the DC are 15 & 16. I find the practical things hardest - taxi-ing the DS when they have to be in different places at the same time, dealing with boiler breakdowns, hearing noises in the night, going to funerals (there have been a spate!) on my own.
On the upside, we have a lovely time at weekends, usually going for a nice family meal at least one of the nights.
What age are your DC?
On and off for about 10 years. It was really hard when the children were younger. We would all be so excited about DH coming home at the weekend, then the DC would play up, DH would be tired, and I would be stressed.
It worked best when we just kept to the routine of early nights, rather than letting them stay up as a treat. It does get easier, I promise!
Yes I am in that situation. I mostly love it [notveryhelpfulemoticon]
Oh can I join too, dh has just started a new job this month and is away mon to fri. We've got 3 young kids of 5,2 and a 1 month old baby.
It's been tough so far, mostly at tea/bath times, but things are improving as we get into a routine.
Once things have settled, I'm sure I'll appreciate time on my own in the evenings, ie not having to have the football on etc etc... Every cloud and all that!
Loopy, just seen the ages of your 4 - any tips?!
I've done this so many times over the past twelve years I should have the t-shirt at least!
My husband has done jobs where he's gone abroad for weeks on end, and also jobs where he's weekended.
First time he did weekending our children were 2, 4, 5 and 8. They used to cry themselves to sleep at night. I had to give them a photo of him by their beds to say goodnight to, fair broke my heart.
Twelve years later, we're two years down the third weekender job. It's much, much easier (they've stopped crying) but I've the hassle of the 'know much more than you' teenager now.
Routine is the key. Get them to bed so you have at least an hour to yourself, and don't feel guilty if you reach for a glass (just one glass, cos there's always the chance you might have to go to the hospital in the night - never happened but still) of wine when they're all down. Make sure you stick to it at weekends too, so you have a chance to spend time together without the little darlings.
Yes, the 2yo is in nursery 2 mornings, so that's a bit of a break, as he's operates at 100mph and is into everything! Currently he's in the shower as he covered himself in paint, he's quite the artist as he loves to paint naked.
Almostfifty, you're right about getting time to yourself. The first week the older 2 wouldn't sleep in the evenings and it was hell. This week they've been fine but I'm sure that'll change come tonight!
Agent, I'm such a scaredy-cat about noises in the night, I'm quite sensible in the day(honest) but having to avoid scary films/tv atm in case they set me off, we've got good neighbours on each side though so that helps.
this is really interesting, my DH is just applying for jobs now where he will be away M-F. It's the only way we can make it work, I've just got my dream job but it's in Scotland and we'rei n london now, and he can't find equivalent work in Scotland.
Aside from the childcare - how do you manage your relationship with your DHs? It scares me a bit that his 'normal life' won't be with me, IYSWIM
Having done this for so many years, I will tell you all that it does get better as they get older, honestly, but you have to go out instead of stay in, cos they never go to bed when they're teenagers!
Fridays we'd let them stay up a wee bit later, cos they'd not seen their Dad all week and wanted to be with him. The rest of the weekend would be as normal.
You have to make time to be on your own at weekends, we used to make sure we got the kids to bed early at least one night at the weekend and have a meal together without interruption. You have to talk to each other!
As to time alone, I used to go to the supermarket early on Saturdays once they woke up, leaving him to sort their breakfast out and get them dressed. That quiet hour in there when there wasn't many people about, was enough for me normally. Sounds daft, but it worked for me.
I like the weekends too because we get time together as a family - don't worry, I don't hate DH but he IS quite high maintenance so the split of the week works well. He'll be home later on this afternoon and we'll go out for a nice pub meal and just chill for the next couple of days then by Sunday night we'll be gearing up to run our weeks separately again.
As you say, this set up is really not that unusual, particularly with the employment and housing markets as they are. We ended up in this situation by default when DH lost his job locally but we find it works pretty well for us.
DP has the kind of job where he can be sent anywhere at any time for any length, most often its two or three weeks at a time, home for a week or two (where he works at base) then off again. We can never make plans ahead to do things (outings etc) as we never know if we'll be able to stick to them or if he'll be sent off somewhere so life in general for us is a bit on the unpredictable side!
My two older DC's (from prev relationship) enjoy having mum to themselves while he's away but our baby who was very tiny when he started this job around this time next year is now 16 months old and misses him very much. She often wakes up asking for daddy which I have to remember not to tell him because it breaks his heart.
When he gets back, as much as he's missed us all, what he really wants is peace and quiet and sleep. Obviously the kids have missed him so they're wanting attention, I just want to jump all over him but to help ease him back into family life I usually try and have the older two at my parents the first night he's back which is fun for them, and baby in bed and that means he gets a quiet night to chill out with maybe a little light jumping if I can keep him awake long enough
Somehow it all works. I was a single parent for a good few years before meeting DP so i'm used to coping alone, and I think that makes it kind of comforting for him, to know that while he's away i'm capable of keeping it all together here and handling whatever turns up on my own because I've done it before. Having said that I had a late night trip to hospital with our baby last night and even though I've done it countless times with older DC'S when I was a single mum, I really wished he was here. He's been gone 2 weeks and may be gone another week depending on if they still need him there.
So here's a question..how often do you keep in touch while your OH is working away? He calls me twice a day, sometimes more often if he gets a break or has something he wants to tell me. We picture message if there's something of interest to show the other, maybe he sees something that will appeal to me or the baby does a cute face and I want him to see it...and I text random things over the course of the day... 'OOh the neighbours are having a right old barney it's all a bit jeremy kyle on the close today!' or 'I just saw A in town, she says hi' that kind of thing. I know he can't answer because he's working but it keeps him in the 'home loop' so to speak lol.
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