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bloody men!!! knew there was a reason i was single.!

(55 Posts)
benbon Wed 19-Oct-11 17:23:44

right ive been seeing a new man for nearly 4 months... going really well spend a lot of time together prob 4 days a week. he met my kids after 3 months and they took to him (first man they have met since their dad and i split 2 yrs ago) we booked a holiday for december (his idea) and have had weekends away for weddings (his friends) i have also met his 2 children.. (which when she found out about it she stopped him seeing them and served him divorce papers)

on sat he got a call from his ex saying she had seen a pic of us together on facebook (she hacked into his account to see this) and that she thought she wanted him back, they have been split for 18mths after she kicked him out,

so basically now he is confused, wants time to think. said he doesnt want to go back to her but wants to be 100% about me!

so basically i have told him that im not happy to wait, that i deserve someone that wants me and my kids...

so on monday night he came to mine telling me he wanted me and all he had been worried about was how it had made me feel (saying all the right things) and hoping he hadnt messed us up, i replied it doesnt have to mess us up but if you want me you tell your ex!

so tuesday morning i get loads of nice messages then one asking what time he can come round, i replied "i would love to see you, but for my own sanity i think i need to wait till you have told your ex its over"
then an hour later i get a message saying sorry i cant do this, u say i cant see you till ive hold her and i dont know when that will be!

so basically i dont know what the flipping hell is going on.. he wants me to wait whilst he decides which of us he wants,
when i said to him im not prepared to wait and that i hope it works out for them and that they can both be happy! but i think he made the wrong decision he said i think your right. he said " i think im making a mistake letting u go like this... but at the moment i dont want that i just want some time... im not going back to my ex !" he keeps saying please give me time.. but i dont want to wait for him to tell me he has chosen her!

sorry that was long.. any advice greatly received

TechnoViking Wed 19-Oct-11 17:27:54

He's a twat, you're right to say you won't wait. Chances are he'll keep you hanging for as long as he can.

WhoWhoWhoWho Wed 19-Oct-11 17:28:05

He is happy to string his ex wife, the mother of his children along. That's all I would need to know about him. How hard would it be to say, yes I'll give her a call when I know the kids will be in bed and tell her I've thought about it and can't see us getting back together.

Her anger at seeing you two together and serving divorce papers suggest to me that he has been stringing her along making promises of change or murmurs of possibilities. Why else would she be so spun and angry after throwing him out?

Bravo and telling him firs off that you weren't prepared for him to dither and that you and your dcs deserve someone who truly wants them. You need to stick to this line now and not waver.

Pinkseren Wed 19-Oct-11 17:30:48

I think you did exactly the right thing. Well done! You don't need to wait around for anyone. If he can't see what he has to lose in the first place (and so chose to just carry on with you as things were, rather than have thoughts about returning to his ex) then his loss. There are plenty of men out there who would realise this and respect you enough not to ask you to hang around. You only live once and you make your own life so if its not making you happy, you need to find your happiness with someone who truly deserves you x

sweepitundertherug Wed 19-Oct-11 17:30:52

Hmm, I smell a rat with him.

I think he may have been telling her there was some hope.

Doha Wed 19-Oct-11 17:50:33

I think he is stringing you and the ex along. But you are right, he has supposidly been away from ex for 18 months and it's only now that divorce papers have been served that he is wavering,
Bollocks to that
You are right to walk away. Contact the ex and tell her you don't want her cast offs--she can have him if she is desperate enough.
Walk away with your head held high

maleview70 Wed 19-Oct-11 18:20:05

He might not have been stringing the ex along. She just sounds like a typical jealous ex wife basket case who uses their kids to get at him. Far too many o this type of nutter women about.

I would just back off and see what happens. Baggage is always a pain in the arse in my opinion

FabbyChic Wed 19-Oct-11 18:40:07

YOu owe him time, and he should have it. Give him a week with no contact whatsoever.

MigratingCoconuts Wed 19-Oct-11 18:46:31

You owe him nothing!!!

You have absolutely done the right thing.

Keep strong, he ain't worth it.

Doha Wed 19-Oct-11 19:11:37

give him time--aye right go ahead.
Give him the rest of his like time.........
You owe him nowt

Doha Wed 19-Oct-11 19:12:16

oops should read life time blush

piratecaaaaaaaaaghhht Wed 19-Oct-11 19:17:32

very similar thing happened to a mate.

she wished him well and said that's it. I broke her heart, but she knew, deep down that she had to do it, because if they were meant to be together they would end up together.

They aren't together now.

MangoMonster Wed 19-Oct-11 19:18:18

You've done the right thing.

benbon Wed 19-Oct-11 19:22:53

thankyou for all your help... its a bit poo though..i really did like him! part of me thinks he couldnt of been stringing her along as he was always with me.. but rose coloured specs springs to mind!

ive told him he found a woman that was happy to take him as a 3, happy to spend family days with him and his friends happy to support him if it turned nasty and he had to fight for his girls, but that he has now lost that woman! he wanted till next weekend to decide lol!!! i told him i will talk to him at the weekend, so i think he thinks im waiting! but it will only be to tell him again he has lost me!

benbon Wed 19-Oct-11 19:27:22

he openly admitted giving her chances to take him back but she didnt want him... this is the first time she has asked him back, he said he doesnt want her but he does want his girls. and he is worried about passing up the chance to have them back!

piratecaaaaaaaaaghhht Wed 19-Oct-11 19:30:19

yep, my mates new bf went back for the children, he felt he had to give it a go.

Doha Wed 19-Oct-11 19:32:41

Oh dear big mistake OP

You really have no reason to talk to him at the weekend unless you are secretly hoping he will choose you.. If he has to think about it -he isn't worth your time.

BellaDonnaSansMerci Wed 19-Oct-11 19:35:13

I'm in a not dissimilar position except that I'm the long term P who's been strung along (well, deceived, actually). You've handled this beautifully. Much better than I have. sad

izzywhizzysfritenite Wed 19-Oct-11 21:16:24

O jeez - yet another one who wants a foot in both camps. In other words, a fucking fencesitter or should that be 'shitter'? hmm

Just tell him thanks for the memories but you don't do menage a trois, and you hope he'll be happy with his ex or whoever else he finds to put up with his bullshit dithering.

And then walk away with your head held high and look to find someone who doesn't have a problem making a commitment solely to you.

If you relent and, by happenstance, get back together with this fuckhalfwit, you'll always be looking over his shoulder for his ex - and she'll make damn sure you'll see her.

It's always gonna be pain and no gain with twats like him, honey. You deserve a lot better and Mr Completely Unattached/Detached is out there waiting for you.

izzywhizzysfritenite Wed 19-Oct-11 21:21:59

Apologies for pinching your phrase without realising Doha. At least we're on the same page even if Mr Fenceshitter is suffering from inflated ego syndrome.

He's got two women after him? Make it clear to him that in his fucking dreams he has, OP.

Uppity Wed 19-Oct-11 21:30:10

LOL at the ridiculous idea that you owe him time.

You owe him precisely nothing.

Don't know why you want to talk to him at the weekend though. You could be doing something more worth your time than that.

Doha Wed 19-Oct-11 22:26:43

grin izzy

benbon Wed 19-Oct-11 23:14:53

he text me tonight saying he has been thinking about me, he misses me lol!!! wow he really has got a shock coming. im going out at the weekend so will not be around to talk to him. lets hope mr perfect and unnattatched isnt hidden too well from me!

benbon Wed 19-Oct-11 23:17:52

oh i did not respond!

Doha Wed 19-Oct-11 23:18:51

Delete delete do not respond Delete delete Delete delete Delete delete Delete delete Delete delete Delete delete Delete delete Delete delete

get the picture grin

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