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MIL & Coffee!

(120 Posts)
WindingMeUp Wed 19-Oct-11 12:25:51

Last year I threw a party for my dcs. I overstretched myself quite a bit and my DH was unwell that week so I was running around like a headless chicken! It was very stressful but all arranged so I had to go ahead.

My MIL I was hoping would offer to help. I had quite a few things going on at once at the party and was hoping she would take one of them on (seriously massive party!)

Anyway she didn't which is her right of course but after an hour or so she came into my tiny little square shaped kitchen where I was trying to do a million and one things and complained that I hadn't offered her a tea or coffee yet!

I wasn't making tea or coffee for anyone as there just wasn't time plus hot drinks and loads of kids don't mix that well. I had put water, juice, wine and sparkly water and lemonade on the table so the parents could just help themselves which was a big help.

I said I wasn't going to be making hot drinks as I didn't have time. She got huffy and said that she would make it then. I said she couldn't as the work surface was covered in cut up cake plus a pile of presents. There really wasn't room. That wasn't good enough for her though. I also explained that the kettle was broken so if she used it the water would go everywhere when she tried to pour it and ruin the presents and cake!

She STILL got huffy. Eventually she moved all the stuff, caused complete fucking chaos, squished the cake, dropped all the presents, all so she could make a drink.

Is it that really bloody awful to have a cold drink? Was it really that hard to see that I was SOOOO busy and that it probably wasn't a good idea to hassle me for stuff? Was it so terrible to wait the extra hour til she went home?

It's that time of year again and we will have another (smaller!) party in November so the memory has come back and I want to kill her!

When her daughter throws parties she practically does all the food/arranging/clearing up and then gives her DD massive pats on the back for doing such a great job. When it's me she just moans, doesn't want to help and is a fucking pain!

cjbartlett Wed 19-Oct-11 12:29:55

I can see why you didn't want to make her a drink but it's perfectly okay for her to have made one herself

I think if you are going to have adults round to your house then you have to offer them coffee and tea tbh

next time have it in a hall or somewhere else more manageable

bibbitybobbitybloodyaxe Wed 19-Oct-11 12:32:57

Wow! nearly a year carrying that resentment around. That must be some sort of record.

WindingMeUp Wed 19-Oct-11 12:33:26

cjbartlett Really? Even though there wasn't room, the kettle was broken and there were cake slices and presents in front of the kettle, the cake got squished in the process, the presents got dropped and boiling water spilled everywhere? You think that is ok?

There were 30-40 adults so no I wasn't going to make them coffees! What's wrong with a cold drink? Why does it HAVE to be hot?

And if you see someone struggling under those circumstances would you throw a strop?

bibbitybobbitybloodyaxe Wed 19-Oct-11 12:33:35

I don't suppose you've ever annoyed anyone op?

mrstiredandconfused Wed 19-Oct-11 12:35:15

Could you make it a friends only do and not invite her? (sorry, I know that sounds really bitchy but if its a smaller do then could you get away with it?) Alternatively could you make a flask of coffee to present to her on arrival? [Grin]

WindingMeUp Wed 19-Oct-11 12:42:52

bibbitybobbitybloodyaxe I don't suppose you've ever annoyed anyone op?

Yes I annoyed my MIL when I didn't make her coffee! grin

wolfhound Wed 19-Oct-11 12:48:31

I agree with you OP about hot drinks and children not mixing. I am hoping to get away without doing hot drinks at my DS's 4th birthday party in a few weeks - people are so careless with them and don't want to see someone getting hurt. Plus it's a great big faff making drinks when there's so many people involved. So I think YANBU. Not that this was in AIBU anyway, obviously...

natwebb79 Wed 19-Oct-11 12:57:35

I would be properly pissed off. Why do adults NEED a hot drink when there's an obvious reason why it would be a pain in the arse?? Not to mention the fact that the OP had provided a nice selection of cold drinks. I'm pretty shocked at other people's responses to be honest! I'd be dreading the daft cow causing havoc again to be honest. Will your DH be around this year to keep her in check? I'd be tempted to direct her to the nearest bloody Starbucks if she kicks off this year grin

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow Wed 19-Oct-11 13:02:38

As the hostess it's your duty to make everyone feel welcome.

Can't quite believe you wouldn't allow your elderly MIL to make herself a hot drink at her grandchilds party.

steben Wed 19-Oct-11 13:07:48

I agree with natwebb79 entirely!

steben Wed 19-Oct-11 13:09:27

Oh and I can identify with you OP - I put on fantastic spreads for my DH's family - never get any thanks. SIL (no DC) does very little, hosts next to nothing and if we are round there and she opens a packed on biscuits MIL practically insists we all give her a standing ovation.

usualsuspect Wed 19-Oct-11 13:11:27

Another MIL bashing thread

MNHQ can we have a MIL bashing section please ,so I can hide it

callwood Wed 19-Oct-11 13:16:45

I'm with natwebb79 too!

Can't quite believe some of the snotty responses to this. Your MIL sounds like a selfish old bat.

usualsuspect Wed 19-Oct-11 13:17:40

'old bat'?

See thats what pisses me off the most

Grrrrrrrrrr

bibbitybobbitybloodyaxe Wed 19-Oct-11 13:20:01

Yyy - we certainly need a mil-and-older-women-generally hate topic please.

natwebb79 Wed 19-Oct-11 13:21:20

It's not for the sake of MIL bashing for goodness sake. Whatever relationship she is to the OP she acted like a royal pain on the rectum! I still don't understand why a busy mum hosting a kiddy's party must provide HOT drinks to elderly relatives?! Do old people keel over if they don't have tea or coffee for an hour or so?? I must have missed that biology lesson!

steben Wed 19-Oct-11 13:21:55

If MIL threads offend so much of it has it in the title and is in AIBU maybe those who hate them should have the sense not to read them?!

camdancer Wed 19-Oct-11 13:25:24

Some people seem to have a "need" for tea or coffee. One of my friends doesn't know what to do with me as I just drink water. Apparently that isn't good enough to show hospitality. confused My IL's have to have tea at regular intervals during the day. <shrug>

I don't think this is a MIL bashing thing. I'd be pissed off with any guest who caused so much havoc just to have a cup of tea, but then I don't understand the whole issue about tea anyway. It's just a drink ffs, have a glass of water instead!

bibbitybobbitybloodyaxe Wed 19-Oct-11 13:25:53

Oh I can't resist them. I like to see what I have in store in 20 years time.

bran Wed 19-Oct-11 13:26:11

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

QuintessentialShadyHallows Wed 19-Oct-11 13:26:21

I am sorry, but if you are throwing a mahoosive party, with both adults and kids, you need to organize it better.

Why not replace a broken kettle? How is your mil supposed to know the kettle is broken? If it splatters water everywhere, it is a hazard!

Why did you squash the presents into the kitchen, if you knew you needed the space for preparations and food? Could somebody not have carried the presents elsewhere?

I think this is the kind of situation where you have yourself shown a martyred face, while in fact the situation probably called for a

"Oh, so sorry Louisa, I did not think about that, as I had put refreshments out, and I am so stressed and busy. Would you mind just moving the presents up to our bedroom, and I shall meanwhile put the kettle on for you".

ruddynorah Wed 19-Oct-11 13:29:35

I hate this need for tea and coffee. Next time make her a flask full, give her some uht cartons and tell her to keep out the kitchen.

usualsuspect Wed 19-Oct-11 13:35:02

I doubt the op would have been bothered by it ,if it wasn't the MIL who wanted a hot drink

Anniegetyourgun Wed 19-Oct-11 13:37:09

Where did the "elderly" come from? She could easily be about 50.

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