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Advice Please...what would you do?

(6 Posts)
mumineedawee Wed 19-Oct-11 00:44:20

My dp has mental health issues. Mostly he is low, depressed, doesn't go out, doesn't wash, etc. I can't motivate him, I love him, but I cannot go on with our life as it is. He refuses to get any help from his doctor, and believes he can do it himself (ie can manage his life).

The house, due to his lack of personal care, leaves the kitchen filthy, bathroom in a disgusting condition, and so on.

My need for advice is this:
The house is in a horrible condition. The children hate it. It embarrasses them and they don't want to have friends over, etc.

I feel that the only option open to me is to move out to rented accomodation, hopefully for not too long, but long enough to help us all get some normality.

DP is welcome to come with us, but I suspect that he will refuse (on the basis that he has a perfectly good house to live in).

What would ye do?

AIBU in actively seeking other homes for us to live in?

lucidlady Wed 19-Oct-11 00:48:08

I don't understand why you would move and take DH with you? Is it possible to get a deep clean in your current home and start again? Is DH responsible for all the cleaning or is it just that his situation has overwhelmed you all?

LesserOfTwoWeevils Wed 19-Oct-11 01:49:11

The issue isn't the state of the house, it's his mental health. Moving house won't help, especially if you take him with you!
How old are your DCs? Can you persuade him to get help for their sake, if not his own? Can you and they and any other family and friends stage an intervention to persuade him to get help? Or to clean the house, which might help him realise this is serious and he needs to get himself sorted out.

MumblingAndBloodyRagDoll Wed 19-Oct-11 01:53:30

I dont see why you would invite him to come with you either. If you want to jkeep the family together, then you should try to tackle the state of the house now...

izzywhizzysfritenite Wed 19-Oct-11 01:59:26

As lucid has said, it would be a pointless exercise to move to another property and take your dp with you as he's the issue.

From what you've said, the condition of the house and, no doubt, the condition of your dp is impacting adversely on the lives of your dc and this has to be a dealbreaker for you.

Have you told him that either he seeks help from his GP (ADs and/or a referral for counselling) and helps you organise a deep clean of the house, you and the dc will be leaving him?

Are you joint tenants or joint owners of the house? How will you manage financially in rented accomodation if he is unemployed and unable to pay full whack child suppport?

buzzskeleton Wed 19-Oct-11 12:23:05

If you part-own the house with your dp, I don't see why you should be the one moving. But if it's his, then yes, you'd have to be the one to go with the kids.

There's absolutely no point moving and taking your dp with you, as he'll just let the next place go to rack and ruin, unless he confronts his MH problems and seeks treatment.

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