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Cutting family members out?

(4 Posts)
cupcake16 Mon 17-Oct-11 13:36:31

My husband and i fell out with his family last summer. since then we have worked hard to rebuild our relationship with his parents and now we are all ok with each other. However we cant seem to sort things out with his brother and his wife. Everytime we try to meet up, something always happens to stop us, if we try talking we argue and any letters, emails etc end up in stupid back and forth he said/she said stuff. I really dont like falling out with people, so this is really getting to me and upsetting me. We used to be really good friends with them and regually met up and i dont really know how things have come to this. My husband wants us to leave it and forget about it, he has just had enough and his answer is to cut them out. He wants us to literally cut them out of our lives and our childrens lives and he wants to tell his parents thats what is to happen and they are not to try to force us together anymore (which they have tried to do). They have recently sent us a letter which says some deeply upsetting things about what they think of us and how we parent our children. Everyone in my family (who we are very close to) has told us to leave them, ignore their exsistence, but i know they will continue to keep popping up and be a negative energy in our lives unless this is sorted out. Also i wanted the oppotunity to have my say after their letter, but feel that we really need to meet up and have it out.

sorry for waffling, i hope that all made sense! basically i dont know what to do, im so upset and angry but i dont want my children to have a split family. Also i cant see my in-laws being ok with what my husband wants to do and im worried things will just get worse. What wold you do, contact them or cut them out?

Thanks for reading.

ItsMeAndMyPumpkinNow Mon 17-Oct-11 14:49:25

What is it that you most want: to "have your say", or to "sort it out"?

You can have your say anytime you want. It may not have the impact you would wish, however, if your BIL and SIL are not amenable to hearing you out (which, if they already have their back up, they probably won't be).

If you want to "sort it out", then, again, the other party need to be amenable. BIL and SIL need to want to work with you to reach a compromise (and you them), rather than to score points.

Do you think BIL and SIL want to find a workable solution?

You say "I really dont like falling out with people". Could it be that it is only your aversion to conflict that is keeping this relationship hobbling on from blow-up to blow-up? (ie. are you flogging a dead horse?)

Feel free to try whatever you think is best. But be aware that other people may not be tractable just because you want them to be.

wheredidiputit Mon 17-Oct-11 17:25:37

It sounds like you have been having 'your say' and so have they for last year, so nothing is going to be sorted out while you are going back and forth arguing over the same ground.

If your husband has decided he has had enough of his brother then you need to support his decission.

FabbyChic Mon 17-Oct-11 20:09:29

Id cut them out to be honest, they cause too much stress in your lives and what is the point.

Just tell them to fuck the fuck off and be done with it.

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