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Advice needed... Is he shy or not interested???

(18 Posts)
humptydidit Mon 17-Oct-11 12:59:56

Was introduced to this guy through a mutual friend. made friends on facebook, chatted on there, then gave him my number and he rang me straight away.

Spent about 3 weeks chatting on the phone, have spoken every night for up to an hour at a time. The chatting is really easy, can talk about anything and he can be quite flirty.

I asked early on to meet up for a coffee but he made excuses and said he was nervous etc. Finally met up for the first time after 3 weeks and went out on a "date" for a meal and then he came back to mine and chatted some more. It was obvious he was really nervous and when he left I got a hug and a kiss on the cheek.

A week later he caome round with his son and stayed for hours, and mostly we were chatting and I got another hug ad a kiss on the cheek. Then today he had a day off and asked if I was around if he could pop by for a cuppa... I put ds2 to bed so it was just us and we chatted again but then he left saying he had stuff to do etc.

He does seem to be relaxing a bit but he still seems awkward, won't sit next to me on sofa or stand too close etc.

I don't know what to do? Am I just being insecure and expecting too much or is this kind of slow burn ok? Tbh, all the other men I have been with, we had sex pretty much early on, but they were all more confident.

I really don't know what to do... We were talking about goign to cinema this week. I would like to do that and wouldn't be too shy to hold his hand or something, but then I get all insecure and wonder if it's cos he doesn't actually fancy me????

Advise needed.... I wouldnt mind waiting for sex, but I would like a bit of physical contact. Should I get brave and initiate it myself??????????

Jeeez, this is worse than being a teenager!!!

humptydidit Mon 17-Oct-11 13:18:41

Sorry... just to add, should I mention the cinema thing again or just wait for him to bring it up?

I understand about playing it cool, but then I also don'#t want to hang about for ages.... confused

Apocalypto Mon 17-Oct-11 13:23:29

How long has it been since he dated? Maybe he's completely forgotten how to read the signs that you're up for it. What was that line in Friends - I'm scared to have sex again in case they changed it.

You can't tell how interested he is, and maybe he's having the same problem.

The other possibility is he likes you but doesn't fancy you.

Have you tried sitting him down and snogging him, to remove all doubt?

humptydidit Mon 17-Oct-11 13:36:15

He has been single for the last 5 years... and if we chat on the phone etc, he says that it's been so long since he used it, his bits have gone rusty etc etc...

I text him last week asking about meeting up, and he wrote back saying that he has been out of the dating game for so long etc etc and apologising that his dd is taking up a lot of his time lately.

When he was here earlier he said about meeting up on the weekend and he wants me to meet his dd... I am happy to do that, but I don't want to hide behind the kids, I mean, when kids are all here, is harder for us to do stuff together etc.

What I would really like to do is to spend an evening together alone, with no interuptions at home and put on a film etc and snuggle up to him and see what happens next. But is hard as we both have our kids full time... So thought cinema would be next best thing... I could be more brave in the dark!!!!

Or we could go out for a couple of drinks and then I could maybe feel braver about initiating something?????????


Apocalypto Mon 17-Oct-11 13:58:27

I think you're going to have to grit your teeth and get into the driving seat here.

Wouldn't do cinema as let's face it he can avoid any close action there on the grounds that it's a public place.

I would get him to commit to someone looking after his son some evening, and you do the same. Then get him over to yours, order in a takeaway, a few drinkies and a DVD. Wear something he can fondle you through grin and then at the appropriate moment demand a snog.

If he doesn't take the hint when set up like that, or he avoids the whole evening altogether, then either he's not interested, or just possibly, it's been so long he's afraid he won't be able to get it up, which tends to be self fulfilling.

Either way you'd want to know as soon as poss....

tigermoll Mon 17-Oct-11 14:05:13

SO he's flirty on the phone, but shy in person? He brings his children ON A DATE WITH HIM? You're not sure if you should hold his hand if you go to the cinema? This has been dragging on for weeks?

TBH, I don't think this is going anywhere, at least, not somewhere very exciting.

What you want: exciting, romantic, charged meetings where you can connect on a one-to-one level with someone you find irresistable.

What you're getting: babysitting with someone who can't quite get his courage together to ask you out for dinner. It's all low-risk 'can I pop round' and 'maybe we should go to the cinema sometime' instead of bold and unambiguous statements of admiration.

Give him one more chance. Find a film you want to see (that is wildly unsuitable for the kids, so they can't be brought along), call him up and say 'I really want to see Trollhunter (or whatever) Do you fancy coming with me on Friday at eight?' If he says 'Yes, that sounds great' then, brilliant. Get him into th e dark cinema, and Make Your Move.

If he says he would love to but has plans, and suggests another date accept it, then proceed to step 2 as above.

If he says 'Oh, I can't make it. Maybe another time'. Then BIN HIM.

Men aren't that complicated. If you find yourself wondering 'I'm just not sure if he likes me' then he probably doesn't.

humptydidit Mon 17-Oct-11 14:06:26

Think yr right apocalypto grin

Will just come out and ask him over... wish me luck!!!

I guess I got thru the first 32 years of my life without him, so if he fucks off then I'll survive grin

Apocalypto Mon 17-Oct-11 14:24:40

You're a scrumptious 32-year-old babe mere male flesh and blood he's lucky to have met and will be unable to resist.

I just suspect nerves + rust actually. He probably figures, if I snog her, then sex will follow, possibly the same evening because of lack of opportunities to meet up without kids to do it. Eeek, not done that for years, run away run away...

He may need to be coaxed out of this....if he is on your right on the sofa, then while snogging him, reach across him with your left hand, take his right hand in your left, and place and hold his hand firmly on your left breast. I promise you he will like this.

moderate quantities of alcohol and patience should see you ok.

don't forget precautions etc, turning up inequipped is another way he can dodge sex he thinks he's not ready for...

humptydidit Mon 17-Oct-11 14:36:56

awww apocalypto you're so nice to me!!!! blush

I really do think it's nerves, will ring him later and suggest a night in and see what happens!!!

Already equipped, so no problems there!!! Wishful thinking on my part I think!!!

Wish me luck, will report back later

humptydidit Mon 17-Oct-11 15:27:53

update phoned him quickly now to invite him round to mine on Thursday night, with no kids to watch film and eat take away.

He said sounds lovely and will ring later to confirm...

Will have to wait cos I guess it still leaves room for him to say that he forgot he was doing x, y or z, but at least it wasn't a flat out "no"!!

Apocalypto Mon 17-Oct-11 16:32:10

You totally have to let us know how this goes.

Just post a thread titled "yessssssssss" and no text so we know if you scored.

humptydidit Mon 17-Oct-11 17:51:40

wink @ apocalypto!!!!

Will wait to see if he confirms Thursday first... will be disappointed if he bottles it!!!

But will play it cool till he gets here then jump him I reckon and see what he does!!!!!

Apocalypto Mon 17-Oct-11 18:06:10

hopefully he will remember after 5 years how much he likes a shag...!

loopylou6 Tue 18-Oct-11 08:27:54

Oooh how exciting. keep us updated smile

humptydidit Tue 18-Oct-11 15:32:41

Further development... chatting on phone last night and he said that he's not very good at reading the signs and needs to be told by writing a note and tieing it to a house brick and throwing it at him!!!

Might just try that as a bit of an ice breaker!!!

humptydidit Tue 18-Oct-11 15:37:50

Just to clarify, would not actually throw the brick at him blush

ohsored Tue 18-Oct-11 23:03:24

Reminds me of my dp, his confidence was low so if I hadn't made a move then I don't think anything would ever have happened. Luckily I am fairly alcohol intolerant so I wasn't quite so shy!! It still took a couple of propositions though before he stopped fighting me off capitulated.

The spark was hidden but is definitely there!!

Fear not, really good times may lie ahead, they soon get over their reticence!! grin

peasandlove Tue 18-Oct-11 23:30:04

my DP was very shy around me to start with and he is naturally a shy person. This guy might just really like you - take the lead. I sometimes have issues with this now though, I would prefer to be with someone more spontaneous.

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