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Feeling frustrated!!Am I allowed to be?

(19 Posts)
Foxy800 Mon 17-Oct-11 07:58:42

HI some of you may remember my thread from September about asking dp to leave.
Well as stated in the thread we decided to start "dating " again and that is what we ahve been doing and this side of things is going well and we text, call all the time etc.

The thing that is frustrating me, as obviously we are not living together, is although he is completely hoesnt with me, whether it be before, during or after the event, he can go out when ever he wants and has been out twice this week. Wheras I think he forgets I cant as dd is at home with me 7 nights a week!!! ( He has her three afternoons after school but she comes back to me afterwards as nowhere there for her to sleep). Dont get me wrong, love her to pieces and dont resent her at all. Not sure I would even want to go out but just think instead of him going out sometimes it would be nice to say to me do you want me to come over and sit with dd for a bit while you go out.

Sorry for the rant. Just needed to get it off my chest.

Foxy800 Mon 17-Oct-11 07:59:30

Excuse spelling!! honest not hoesnt!!!

MsHighwater Mon 17-Oct-11 08:09:28

ask him to do it.

BlingLoving Mon 17-Oct-11 08:11:14

Well, I think if he is not living there then it's not his responsibility to think of it but I would find it frustrating.

Surely the answer though is to ask him to sit sometimes? Or agree that hos time with her will include one day a week where he comes back to yours and does whatever evening routine there is and then stays after she's in bed too so you can go out. Otherwise this dating thing is really just working for him - he gets you and dD for the good bits but doesn't have to take on any responsibility!

Foxy800 Mon 17-Oct-11 09:32:14

I know I should just ask but I think if I did he would just say we would have night out.

Am very tempted to arrange a night out then just say I am going out and could he sit so I can.

I know I should just ask but dont want to throw a spanner into the works as it were!!!

Foxy800 Mon 17-Oct-11 09:33:02

Thanks for the replies. Just needed to vent I think.

AnyPhantomFucker Mon 17-Oct-11 10:52:28

You are too wary to ask your daughter's father to stay with her while you go out ?

Too frightened to rock the boat ?

Look here, your "reconciliation" is a farce and built on very shaky ground I am afraid

Do you really want to get back with a man on such inequitable grounds ?

He has his cake, doesn't he ?

he has you too scared to tell him to look after his own child in case it makes him spit the dummy out hmm

find somebody else, I say, if this is the best you can do

squeakytoy Mon 17-Oct-11 10:57:33

You wanted him to leave, he left. You started dating again, straight away (havent seen other thread, but as it is only October, that is what is sounds like).. now you want to go out and want him back in the house to look after his child.

Sounds to me like neither of you know what you really want here.

Get a babysitter, and go out. Let him get on with what he wants to do.

pollyblue Mon 17-Oct-11 11:00:42

Why would you going out for a night, and asking him to look after his own child, throw a spanner in the works?

It's never going to be an equal relationship if you feel you have to pussy-foot around him.

I'm sorry I don't remember your thread so don't know the full story, but if you are trying to start again you need to set some ground rules in place, or surely you will just end up back where you started?

Foxy800 Mon 17-Oct-11 11:04:31

Sorry not being clear. I am not scared of him and it is with each other we are dating, noone else.

I am just a bit of a scaredy cat really and he would be quite happy to do it.

Ps I didnt want him to leave but it was a situation where I ddint have any choice really but to ask him to leave.

Anyway going to leave thread now. As I say just needed to vent and now more awake not so frustrated.

Going to arrange a night out and get him to babysit I think( cant ask anyone else as they have had dd a bit recently so we could go on dates together).

My last post came out wrong.

Foxy800 Mon 17-Oct-11 11:06:49

Thank you for your calmer response Pollyblue.

If I am honest I dont think it will throw a spanneri n the works. I just dont go out often, we rarely went out when he was here and am new to this situation and dont know how to go about it all.

As I said going to try to organise a night out then get him round to babysit.

AnyPhantomFucker Mon 17-Oct-11 11:10:56

ah, everything is fine then

pollyblue Mon 17-Oct-11 11:12:10

Glad you're ok Foxy, best of luck smile

Foxy800 Mon 17-Oct-11 11:19:20

Thank you Pollyblue. NOt sure what you mean by your post AnyPhantomFucker.

Apocalypto Mon 17-Oct-11 11:19:34

He's possibly sending you a message about what your respective lives would be like if you split up. You get the children, but a cost in personal liberty, which he gets to keep.

The question for me would be why this has to be either / or. If each of you had no interests outside the home, you'd never have got together in the first palce because prior to meeting each other you'd have had no interests.

Having done the hard part, which is admit to each other that this relationship could very well founder, you might as well do the next bit which is where you set out the least you'll accept. A night out a week with the girls or the boys seems fair enough.

If you're feeling anxious to get back together you may put up with crap you shouldn't in order to be nice. Seems inadvisable.

AnyPhantomFucker Mon 17-Oct-11 11:29:29

foxy, you must have felt uncomfortable about something to post here

I assume you wanted opinions, yes ?

now there is no problem

that is lovely

proably best not to ask if you may not like the answer though < shrug >

AnyPhantomFucker Mon 17-Oct-11 11:29:58

probably

Foxy800 Mon 17-Oct-11 11:34:27

Not that I dont like the answer but didnt understand what you were saying. ANyway not going to get into a debate. Am going ot hide the thread as really dont want to argue with anyone, just needed to vent.

By the way thank you for your reply Apocalypto. I think I will talk to him about going out once in a while while he sits. WOuldnt even want it to be once a week as not got that many people to go out with.

AnyPhantomFucker Mon 17-Oct-11 11:36:41

You don't need to hide the thread

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