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How do I deal with the rest of my family when cutting ties with my brother?

(3 Posts)
Anomaly Sun 16-Oct-11 23:04:13

My brother has mental health problems he refuses to acknowledge. He and I have never really got along and this weekend was it as far as I'm concerned. He came to family birthday meal and as per usual spent the entire time talking about inappropriate subjects. He does this to upset people. Topics included operating on himself as doctors are useless, learning to shoot so he could kill homeless people and chavs, and advising my 4 year old son to learn karate so he can smash people in the face. My parents seem to think I should ignore him but I can't have such hideous things said in front of my child and just ignore it.

I don't really want to see him again. My problem is the rest of my family will really struggle with this. I only see my brother on family occasions so they will see me as making them choose. But those family occasions such as birthdays and Christmas should be times I enjoy and if he's there I know I won't. How do I let them know I don't want to see him? Any advice as to how to deal with their reaction?

squeakytoy Sun 16-Oct-11 23:40:04

I would say stick to your guns, but look on it as a temporary measure until your child is a bit older and able to understand that his Uncle has issues.

Do your parents acknowledge that his behaviour is inappropriate?

When it comes to birthdays, if it is your, or your sons, then invite your family apart from your brother. It is then up to them if they decide to come or not.

For your parents, have a seperate celebration, invite them over to you or out somewhere and again do not include your brother.

Anomaly Mon 17-Oct-11 11:07:04

Thanks for the advice. The issue with waiting until my child is older is that he's my eldest, I have another 18 month old and a third on the way. My parents do realise his behaviour is inappropriate but they don't challenge him on it. They like to ignore it and expect the rest of us to do the same. They blame his illness despite the fact that he seems perfectly capable of behaving appropriately with the right audience. It just seems to be family he wants to upset. He's nearer 40 than 4 but he behaves in a manner like a toddler escalating his comments until he gets the reaction he wants.

I will do as you suggest and not invite him to family times where I get to control the invitations. I will just have to decline invites to family occasions when he is included. I can make up for it at other times.

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