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Do I cut them off?

(13 Posts)
MrsSleepy Sun 16-Oct-11 07:10:27

Ok here's the story,

I live 10 miles away from my sister (she has 2 DS) I have 2 DC, My parents live abroad and my Dad never comes back to England but my Mum has a house here (down the road from my Sister, And comes back 2-3 times a year for about 2 months each time.

Now, My Mum flew back 6 weeks ago, And we are yet to see her. She has phoned a handful of times, Not to see how we are but to ask questions about her internet etc.

My DS was admitted in to hospital on Wednesday after an Asthma attack, She didn't phone to see how he was, She knew he was in because I updated my facebook status (My one and only support network are my friends on there) My Sister who I always thought I was close to didn't even bother to call or message to see how he is.

Now, I can deal with this, However what I am really struggling with is the fact my Mum has been back in the country 6 weeks and hasn't even bothered with coming to see my DC, But yet she has spent nearly ever day with my Sister and her DC, I get that I live a fair way away but I have a spare room she could come and stay in, I've asked her to come but she says she's too busy.

I get it rubbed in my face EVERY day on Facebook about how helpful my Sister is being and doesn't think she'd cope if she didn't live near her and how they've been doing this that and the other and how she is loving spending time with her grand children, I have hidden them on Facebook but obviously I can't help but look, It makes me feel shit if I'm honest and upsets me that she just can't be arsed with my DC.My DD is 8 and knows her Nan is back and has been asking why she's not been to see her...

I've considered deleting them off Facebook but I know deep down they wouldn't care.

The one time I really needed my Mum there, Just to tell me it was going to be Ok when my DS was in hospital she wasn't.

I'm not on my own with the DC, I'm married and my Sister isn't but doesn't mean at times I don't need my Mum.

I know this sounds so whiney but I'm totally peed off at a status I've read this morning.

My Dad is just a whole other story!!!

I'm considering if to just cut them all off, I mean, I'm not losing anything am I?!

MrsSleepy Sun 16-Oct-11 07:10:58

Not 10 miles I meant 100 miles!!!

vole3 Sun 16-Oct-11 07:16:41

OK, have you actually said to her 'Mum, I need you and so do my children. I am upset by the fact that you don't spend time with me and them, but do with my sister. '

Your Mum may think that because you are married and apparently getting on with your life that you don't need her as much as your sister does.
I presume there is some transport barrier that prevents you visiting them, but if not, just go as your Mum may be thinking ' Mrs Sleepy never visits and I wish she would. I don't feel comfortable interrupting her busy life'

vole3 Sun 16-Oct-11 07:18:52

Sorry, x posted. 100 miles is very different to 10.
Is there room for you to stay at hers or for her to stay at yours?
100 miles for a daytrip is not fun, but not impossible either.

MrsSleepy Sun 16-Oct-11 07:19:23

Yeah I've told her, Lots of times, I offered to go down there this weekend but she said she was busy.

When I told her she just said 'Oh I have my own life to live, I don't need this'

peggotty Sun 16-Oct-11 07:28:40

Wow, that's incredibly hurtful sad, you poor thing. Tbh I think you'd be completely justified in cutting contact with them but it's not an easy thing to do, you really would need a lot of support to do it ( and absolutely no reading about them on Facebook). There are thread on mn where people have gone through similar (search under 'stately homes' ). I don't have personal experience of this but can imagine how much it hurts. Remember it's not your fault that you mother and father are so useless.

MrsSleepy Sun 16-Oct-11 07:42:52

I have just removed them all off Faccebook, I think it's for the best because it just upsets me all the time, My DH has been very supportive and said it's my choice but it pisses him off to because all they do is upset me.

I suppose the one good thing is it has made me a better parent and I will never do that to my DC.

AttilaTheMeerkat Sun 16-Oct-11 08:19:28

Your family have all behaved disgracefully towards you and your own family unit. You can certainly cut them off if you want to but you may well need some more support too (stately homes thread).

Do you really have no other support network other than the friends on FB?. That fact is awfully sad.

Your mother at the very least sounds selfish and perhaps even self absorbed (a bit like mine actually, I've heard the I'm too busy comment from her before now). Am glad to read that your DH is supportive; that makes things a lot easier.

I would concur with Vole's suggestion to look at the most recent "well we took you to Stately Homes" thread.

Hope your DS is on the mend now.

MrsSleepy Sun 16-Oct-11 08:37:19

I have fantastic in-laws, My MIL is a great help, She's always there if I need to talk and helps out with the kids no end (They are not even her 'real' grandchildren)

I have a lot of friends but working full time we all seem to communicate through Facebook! Meet up maybe once or twice a month or so.

Thank you for all your replies, Sometimes I feel like maybe I'm being oversensitive but just writing it down has helped no end.

HerScaryness Sun 16-Oct-11 12:39:25

Good for you removing them from FB, stuff em. Glad to hear that you have great ILs, invest in them, it'll be more beneficial to you than your own family by the looks of it.

You are not being oversensitive. Stately Homes thread is a GREAT call, pop over and have a look when you have a sec.

GreenandBlacksAddict Sun 16-Oct-11 12:48:19

My dh family are useless too, we cut them off when our son was a few months old and we haven't missed them, in fact it has been a lot less stressful. It was only recently when I became pregnant for 2nd time that I realised what a lot of hassle I put up with last time and how much better it would have been if we had told them to clear off 10 years ago.Just because they are related doesn't mean you have to tolerate their behaviour !

I think you have to accept that she has already made her choice.

My opinion is that you should cut your losses. If she gave a damn, she would make time for you.

MrsSleepy Sun 16-Oct-11 12:54:52

I feel better already!! I'll go and have a look at that thread now

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