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just so fucking hacked off and sick to death of myself

(39 Posts)
Booooooyhoo Sat 15-Oct-11 23:41:25

argghhh!!

met a nice man a few months ago. nothing whirlwind or exceptionally romantic about it but it was nice having someone that i thought was interested. texting everyday, skypeing here and there all signs were that he was enjoying things the same as i was. planned a visit, went ahead, had a great time, he seemed to aswell, said he did anyway. still texting when i got home for about a week or so but all of a sudden, nothing. no message to say he was going to be busy or that he just wasn't as keen anymore. the last messages were all 'normal' as in no change in mood or anything. i'm so frigging pissed off with myself. why do i let myself bother to like people? what's the point of me even trying? i cant even trust my own judgement, i thought this guy was as keen as me. i sound like a real desperado and i fucking feel like one aswell but i'm not. wasn't looking for anyone when i met him, had resigned myself to the fact that i probably wouldn't meet anyone i liked. should have just ignored him. i dont want this to be my life. i cant do this again and again and make a dick out of myself. swear to god there need's to be some law passed that the right person has a secret neon sign that only you can see, save me all this fucking wasted energy.

rant over. sorry. just feeling sorry for myself.

izzywhizzysfritenite Sat 15-Oct-11 23:59:51

O wouldn't be wonderful if life were so simple?

But if it were, how would we learn about ourselves and grow our characters if we didn't meet with adversity or challenge in matters romantic as well as in other areas?

You're down but not out, honey. Indulge yourself in a good wallow and rage at Cupid's cruelty - and then have a wine and some chocs before picking yourself up off the floor and setting forth to find your perfect match again and again and etc

He is out there somewhere and he's probably feeling just the way you do now. Have faith - you'll find him or he'll find you sooner rather than later.

Booooooyhoo Sun 16-Oct-11 00:15:05

i did get myself a chinese and rent a few movies this evening! grin

i know you are right, and i know i will swear off even thinking about men...until someone else comes along and i forget all this and let myself think once again that somoene actually likes me. it just sucks ass right now. feel like such an idiot. i dont want to be one of thos epeople who goes through a huge list of men and never finds one to keep or one that even wants to stic around for that matter.

anothermum92 Sun 16-Oct-11 00:17:51

Message withdrawn

bejeezus Sun 16-Oct-11 00:18:01

maybe summat happened to him? maybe he got ill and hasnt been able to contact you?

izzywhizzysfritenite Sun 16-Oct-11 00:20:04

Glad to hear you haven't lost your appetite and are in no danger of pining away for lurve - what a waste that would be, in more ways than one grin

Think of what fun you'll have working your way through that huge list and, even if you end up on your todd, you'll have a lot of memories to keep you warm and, if you play your cards right, you may collect a few rocks on the way that will cushion your old age wink

Booooooyhoo Sun 16-Oct-11 00:21:13

not sure bejeezus. you could be right. i just have this feeling, i know it well enough by now!!

prawn crackers all gone, ds came home from his dad's and devoured what was left of them grin

BlobChob Sun 16-Oct-11 01:18:05

Hey OP...it's pants isn't it...big shitty pants! I feel for you. I've got the tee. One lame duck after another but they hid it well for a while. Now I'm looking at what I've always done and trying to change it...because if what I've always done keeps landing me with said ducks then things have to change. No point whirring round and round getting the same lamo outcome. I'm 41 ffs and tired of this crap. Hope you enjoyed your Chinese! wink Tomorrow is a new day...Baggage Reclaim

lubeybooby Sun 16-Oct-11 01:55:20

A vanisher. They are really fucking annoying not to mention rude but don't let it stop you or be downhearted. Not everyone is like that honestly. You'll find a goodun I'm sure, but only if you keep at it. For the record I'm sure it's nothing you've done, none of my past vanishers have been down to me or something I've done 'wrong' we obviously just weren't suited and they have been too chicken to say

Booooooyhoo Sun 16-Oct-11 12:31:57

that baggage reclaim link makes sense blobchob. not sure if it's the case here as we hadn't been talking about what each of us wanted, just getting to know each other and enjoying it.

yes lubey, it seems he has just decided to vanish to save having that awkward conversation. ah well. nothing i can do about it.

madonnawhore Sun 16-Oct-11 12:53:08

Don't be fucked off with yourself. The guy's obviously a bellend (or in hospital, or dead - I will take the bellend comment back if either of these turns out to be true).

Why don't you take a bit of control back and call him and just say, "I take it that your sudden silence means you don't want to continue seeing me any more. That's your prerogative, but I think it would have been decent and good mannered of you to at least let me know. Now that I've seen your true colours I think it's for the best that it's ended. Bye."

Or words to that effect?

Milchardo Sun 16-Oct-11 12:55:50

What an arse... sad

If it's any consolation, I dated a man like this who pulled a disappearing act, only to return a couple of months later claiming he'd had a collapsed lung and been in hospital! I knew he was lying and this was confirmed by a friend of his who I bumped into shortly afterwards.

It never ceases to amaze me how many men behave like this - and how many reappear following no contact for weeks, with some complete bullshit story.

Having said that, I've dated some wonderful men too, you just need to learn how to fine-tune your bullshit detector! smile

Booooooyhoo Sun 16-Oct-11 12:56:29

i dont think it would make me feel any better to do that madonna, although i get why you have suggested it. i'm just gonna close that book and forget about him.

madonnawhore Sun 16-Oct-11 12:58:26

Fair enough, I understand why you're saying that.

It's just that bad manners and cowardly behaviour really pisses me off. If you don't want to be with someone, just tell them! You're breaking up anyway so what does it matter if they get upset with you?

Some people are just emotionally stunted.

Consider that you had a lucky escape.

Booooooyhoo Sun 16-Oct-11 13:00:28

milchardo the last guy i dated was the same, in fact i could tell he was going a bit cold but he was still going through the motions so i told him straight that if he wanted to stop seeing me it was fine to say so, that i was a big girl and could take it, i even gave him an 'out' saying that i knew he wasn't looking to to be tied to someone with kids (i have 2) as he was young and still very much leading the single life. he said no, he was still keen blah blah blah, then less than a fortnight later he stopped calling and texting and i heard nothing more from him!! why couldn't he have just said at the time, 'yeah you're right, lets not waste each others time"? i dont get it.

madonnawhore Sun 16-Oct-11 13:01:20

How/where are you meeting these guys OP?

Gay40 Sun 16-Oct-11 13:01:54

I don't know why people have a problem in just saying "Thank you for <lunch/dinner/the fuck/the weekend> but I don't think we are very well suited to each other, good luck and all the best etc". The least you can do, if you don't want to see someone again, is just to let them know properly.

Booooooyhoo Sun 16-Oct-11 13:02:59

oh different places, the last one i met on holiday suring the summer, the one before is a guy i have known since primary school, i still see him about town.

perfumedlife Sun 16-Oct-11 13:55:46

Oh Boooooyhoo I've so been there. I never understand why people do this, but they do. The weirdest one I had, the guy chased me for weeks, really full on and so we had a few dates. He seemed really nice, although had not long separated hmm Anyway, three weeks in, he told me to make sure my passpost was up to date, he was taking me somewhere fab for the weekend. Great, got a bag all packed and told the girls so we were trying to figure out what clothes I'd need for all eventuallities.

He arrives to collect me a Saturday lunch time, carrying a huge bouquet of flowers confused Seemed odd, we were going away. Then he asked if there was anything to eat, so I made some pasta. Then .... asked me if I fancied seeing a movie! confused

What the actual? And here is where it gets weirder. I walked into my bedroom and hid the overnight bag in the wardrobe as * I was embarrassed* in case he saw it! As if I'd imagined the whole thing! And I went to the fucking cinema! On route,, my pal rings to see if I'm going to Paris or Rome, I'm too mortified to tell her in front of him what's going on, just talked in code.

I dumped him a week later, why on earth I didn't tell him there and then I'll never know. I think I was scared of seeming too interested in a weekend in Paris, when the real issue was his total lack of explanation.

I still look back of that and laugh. The flags were all there of course. But why couldn't he just text/call and tell me plans were changed? Madness.

You will pick yourself up in no time, the guys who can't be honest about what they want are really not worth anymore introspection. This just frees you up for the nice ones who are still out there, and there are loads of them. xx

Booooooyhoo Sun 16-Oct-11 14:00:27

perfumed it does seem mad but i can understand exactly why you went along with the cinema thing. what an Asshole!! did he ever explain why he didn't take you away as planned? that is sooo strange.

OneNerveAndYouAreOnIt Sun 16-Oct-11 14:02:08

maybe he got run over and is in hospital ????

Booooooyhoo Sun 16-Oct-11 14:06:28

doubt it. i am friends with him on FB and there is nothing there from his other friends to indicate that. a few pics of him on nights out have been posted though, it didn't look like he was in a hospital.

Thzumbazombiewitch Sun 16-Oct-11 14:07:06

perfumed - that is very weird - I don't know how you stopped yourself asking what had happened to the going-away plans though, I think I would have just let it out before I had time to think about it!

Booy - it's them. They are cocks. A nice one may or may not come your way - but keep yourself open to the possibility. Dump this one, either by telling him or ignoring him if/when he gets back in touch. Just be grateful you had a relatively early "cock alert" and you're saved from it. (But if he IS in hospital after a car accident or some such, then there might be some mitigation in the situation...)

perfumedlife Sun 16-Oct-11 14:07:31

No, not a word Booooyhoo, just blithely carried on the day as if it was the morst normal thing in the world. That's the worry I think, that ability to act so normal, he must have known I was confused.

Upwards and Onwards my love, this is just sorting the wheat from the chaff smile

Thzumbazombiewitch Sun 16-Oct-11 14:07:46

Argh, xpost!
He's a knob - you're best off out of it. smile

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